A Modest Proposal
A "very knowing American," the "famous Psalmanazar"
The Proposer likes to cite facts from random authorities, especially when the facts are slightly dubious. Enter the American and the famous Psalmanazar. Both are completely down with eating kids and have some very strong opinions on how they should be cooked.
Although the American is completely fictional, George Psalmanazar was a French adventurer who wrote a book lying about all of his adventurers. Nothing is what it seems in A Modest Proposal, and we'd suggest looking elsewhere for advice.