Celeb Gossip Columnist Lady Imhotep here! I'm writing in with a new report for the Papyrus Pulp blog. My posse and I have been following Amun around all day as a part of our ongoing series Paparazzi Peek. We're calling today's edition "King for a Day". Ever wonder what it takes to rule heaven and earth in Ancient Egypt? Today you find out. So, without further ado, here's the breakdown of how our man Amun likes to do his thing.
Up early for meditation. He likes to frequent the very exclusive Yogdoad Yoga & Meditation Studio. List of other frequenters include such stars as Nun, Heket, and even Amun's previous wife, Amaunet.
Getting ready for the day. He's chosen a hat with two large feathers (his go-to look), a corset, and sash to go over his skirt. All the accessories are gold. Lots of gold going on here. It does go well with his blue skin. Ooh, looks like he's forgoing the scimitar today in favor of an ankh—the hieroglyph for the word "life". Good choice.
Line up, guys and gals! His Holiness "the Hidden One" is hearing confessions of sins in exchange for favors. Since most people's sins result in punishment from the gods in the form of sickness, there are a lot of people in here coughing and sneezing. Hopefully sins aren't contagious. Luckily, if you seem particularly sorry for whatever your moral shortcomings might be, you could be cured.
Short lunch break with his wife Mut and son Khonsu. Talk about a power family. These three are the most popular triad to ever hit the streets of Thebes. The people love them.
Amun likes to disappear into temples for hours at a time. This is his third temple visit today. What is he doing in there? There's pretty tight security out here—he's so secretive, even we can't find out. Let's see... this is the temple of Montu in the Karnak Temple Complex. Maybe Amun's apologizing again for taking Montu's job as primary war god. We'll give Amun a little credit here, though. He didn't really steal Montu's job so much as he was forced to take it by popular demand. Oh, politics.
Looks like Amun is hanging out in the afterlife with a recently-deceased pharaoh. Amun is sitting there on a throne, looking kingly, just presiding over the event. His son Khonsu is busy chopping up some gods and the dead pharaoh is eating them. Hmmm. Looks like the posts about this by fellow tabloid The Pyramid Texts: Fact or Fiction? weren't making this up. Fava beans, anyone?
So y'all know how Zeus' sexy escapades are always met with a bunch of drama (they take up more than half of his case files). Well, Amun supposedly takes on the form of the pharaoh regularly so he can sleep with the pharaoh's wife and ensure the birth of more godly children in earthly leadership positions. But this is not a weird thing for these folks; it's a desirable thing for the royal family. No marital strife here! Talk about successful open relationships.
More meditation. This guy is super zen.
He refused an interview, which was pretty much expected. Amun has a rep for being tight-lipped in all matters personal. For instance: nobody really knows why he and his first wife, Amaunet, split up. Overall, we're impressed. This guy is a solid leader. He carries out his duties (some of which are pretty weird) with aplomb and makes sure to take time out and commune with the universe, real Transcendental-like. This is a king of the gods we can get behind.