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Anubis

Anubis

 Table of Contents

Anubis's Wall

Wall

Not gonna post much this week. Hands hurt.

What'd you do?

Hearts.

?

All these hearts to weigh. They're so heavy.

They really are. It's a shame.

Ammit

I don't mind. More food for me.

likes this.

likes this.

Humans need to be less stressed out.

likes this.

likes this.

updated his location to Duat.

Imsety

Aren't you usually in the Duat, dude?

I'm the Opener of the Way. I can go wherever I want.

likes this.

Imsety

That explains why I didn't see you at the Halls of Judgment last night.

You wouldn't have known if I was there anyway. You're always hanging out in your jar. Come on, are livers really that interesting?

Imsety

You should talk, mister can't-post-this-week-cuz-hearts-are-heavy.

Mortal

Good evening, great Anubis. I've, um, been having a rough life lately, and I don't think I can take it anymore. I've been thinking about, you know.

Don't do it.

Mortal

Why not? I mean, as long as I pass the judgment everything over there is better, right?

It's just like everything in the living world, actually. So there's not much sense in adding to my backlog just to be unhappy in another place AND leave behind a whole bunch of people who are upset, now, is there?

Mortal

Hm, maybe you're right….

I think you need to give life another chance.

likes this.

You need more joy in your life for sure. Come visit my temple. There'll be dancing.

Listen to them, kid. Life's very special. And you don't want to annoy me by showing up before your appointment, if you know what I mean.

Imsety

likes this.

Qebshenuef

likes this.

Duamutef

likes this.

Hapy

likes this.

likes this.

That is so 2007. And you're a jackal, not a dog.

Doesn't mean I don't like catchy music, bro.

Who let the gods out?! ROFL!

I know I haven't been the best father, but you could've sent a card for my birthday. I bet you sent Osiris a card.

Do we have to talk about this here? He's actually been a father to me, and he's been around.

likes this.

likes this.

likes this.

How am I supposed to get more time with you when you're in the Duat? Osiris doesn't want me in there. Come up and visit me in Ra's boat some time, huh?

Sure, just not during the daytime. It's a little too bright.

Hey @Ma'at, any chance next year's feather can be a little bit heavier? The latest group hasn't really been cutting it. Don't want Ammit getting fat.

Ammit

Speak for yourself, jackal boy.

You know the rules. Truth is unchanging.

likes this.

likes this.

Maybe I'll have to convince humans to be less immoral.

Ammit

Good luck with that. I see a lot more fancy dinners in my future.

changed his occupation from Funeral Director to CEO, Underworld Embalming Services.

Um, who's preparing the dead if you aren't?

I got this great idea. I passed out a bunch of jackal masks to my priests. Now, every time they help with a funeral, they can pretend to be me! Pretty soon I don't have to be everywhere all the time, and maybe they can help with the backlog.

That's clever. But what happens if they have to take the masks off, and people figure out they're NOT you?

I got a plan for that. Glue on the insides of the masks… they'll never be able to take them off!

Sobek

So what do you think of death metal?

Which one?

Sobek

Huh?

There are lots of death metals. Gold for the inner coffins, silver if you're rich. Copper for the embalming tools if they aren't obsidian, iron for the adzes…

Sobek

That's not what I meant.

Ghost

I really wish you'd leave me alone.

You're dead. You know you're not supposed to be bothering the living.

Ghost

I wasn't bothering anybody! I just wanted to see the MLB playoffs before I headed on. You know how long it takes them to get satellite set up in the Duat, with Ra's rays causing all that interference. And newspapers, forget it!

But you're not supposed to be bothering the living. That's the rule.

likes this.

likes this.

Ghost

How about if I promise to haunt the Best Buy and watch the World Series replay in the middle of the night, when nobody's there?

Maybe.

Mortal Goth

O Powerful Anubis, Lord of the Necropolis, teach me the secrets of death. Help me to continue to exist in such a sad world. I seek to write you a poem that exalts your dark nature and your melancholy essence.

It's life. It's wonderful. Why are you moping around? Go out and have some fun. Listen to some music. Talk to some people. Have a good day. Life's not meant to be sad all the time.

Mortal Goth

But...

I mean it. And I like the look, but you don't have to dress like a funeral every day. Even I wear jeans when I'm not at the office.

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