Interview with Atalanta
Shmoop's crack team of P.I.'s recently tapped Atalanta's phone, even though she's been down in the Underworld for years. The transcript below will show that things are still more than a little tense between her and her husband Hippomenes.
Call Time: 6:00 A.M.
Date: October 25
Hippomenes: Happy anniversary!
Atalanta: I told you to stop calling me.
Hippomenes: Wow, is that any way to greet your hubby?
Atalanta: You're not my husband.
Hippomenes: I won that foot race fair and square. That means you're mine forever.
Atalanta: You totally cheated. Throwing those three golden apples was a dirty trick.
Hippomenes: You didn't have to stop and pick them up.
Atalanta: You know I have a thing for golden apples!
Hippomenes: Whatever. Whether you like it or not, we're bound for life.
Atalanta: Yeah, well we're dead now, so leave me the Hades alone.
Hippomenes: Come on, Atalanta. We had some good times. What about that romantic moment we shared in Zeus's temple?
Atalanta: Oh, you mean the time when Aphrodite made you mad with lust because you didn't thank her properly for that golden apple scheme she concocted?
Hippomenes: Yeah, that time.
Atalanta: I can't say that I remember it very fondly, since Zeus turned us into lions afterward.
Hippomenes: C'moooon, being a lion wasn't so bad.
Atalanta: It sucked.
Hippomenes: I would've thought you would have liked it. You were an awesome hunter—
Hippomenes: What was that?
Atalanta: I was a huntress, not a hunter.
Hippomenes: Whatever, but being a lion made that a whole lot easier, didn't it?
Atalanta: When I was the first to bloody the Calydonian Boar, it was with my spear. It took human skill. Being a lioness took all the fun out of hunting for me.
Hippomenes: Look, I know things were rocky between us, but you could at least meet me for coffee or something, right?
Atalanta: Absolutely not. I hate you. You're a beast. Even beastlier than those centaurs I killed for trying to force themselves on me.
Hippomenes: Okay, now you're really hurting my feelings. C'moooon... I'm nowhere near as awful as a centaur.
Atalanta: You're worse. Why couldn't you be like Meleager? Now, there was a guy I really could've loved.
Hippomenes: Blah, blah, blah... nobody ever measures up to Meleager. Forget about him.
Atalanta: He stood up for my rights. When his uncles tried to take the hide of the Calydonian Boar away from me, he killed them for the insult. I bet you never would've done anything like that.
Hippomenes: Yeah, real cool. He killed his own family. Of course that's the kind of man you'd like. His mom was right to throw that log on the fire so he'd die.
Atalanta: I hate you! You'll never be half the man he was.
Hippomenes: Why don't I ever see you guys hanging out, if he's so great?
Atalanta: Well... you know... he's married.
Hippomenes: Oooooh, he's married. Looks like some souls in Elysium still honor their marriage contracts.
Atalanta: Shut up. Ugh, I wish I'd never met you. I wish I'd never come home with Jason and the Argonauts. I should've kept on voyaging. I should've become an Amazon. I hated Greece and all the awful men that ruled it.
Hippomenes: How long are you going to hold on to this man-hating thing? It's seriously getting old.
Atalanta: Why shouldn't I hold on to it? Men were trying do me wrong from the day I was born. My own father abandoned me on a mountainside just because I was born a girl. If it hadn't been for that friendly she-bear who suckled me, I never would've survived.
Hippomenes: Oh yeah, I forgot about that she-bear. Why didn't we invite her to the wedding?
Atalanta: I should've. I should've so she could maul you and every other man who did me wrong.
Hippomenes: Whoa, that is a seriously intense thing to say.
Atalanta: Are we done here, Hippomenes?
Hippomenes: Not until you admit how much you really love me!
Atalanta: Yeah, we're done.