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Interview with Bast

Shmoop's crack team of P.I.s has hacked into Bast's email account. Below, you'll find a transcript of some of her more interesting exchanges. (P.S. Yes, cats can type. Besides, Bast has a woman's body sometimes.)

A Correspondence With Sekhmet

From: meow@godsofegypt.com
To: destructocat@godsofegypt.com
Subject: Forwarded emails

Hey Lady

Attached please find yet another ZIP file of letters from our worshippers that were meant for you. I understand mistaking us for each other in public, but your email doesn't look anything like mine. This is getting ridiculous. Do I have to dye my fur a different color to get any respect around here?


From: destructocat@godsofegypt.com
To: meow@godsofegypt.com
Re: Forwarded emails

Hail, Bast, coming forth from the House of Life!

Again? I thought I made sure my email was carved at the temple doors this time. You'd think people were smart enough to realize that "meow" isn't really something I'd say, lioness and all. Oh well, I didn't create them, my husband did.

I've only gotten a handful of emails for you, but I'll send them along. I'll also be shipping you half a box of chocolates. I ate a few before I read the letter that came with the box, and realized it was addressed to you. Hope you aren't mad. Can I buy you a beer to make up for it?


A Correspondence With Ra

From: meow@godsofegypt.com
To: king_ra@godsofegypt.com
Subject: Snake


Been hunting that snake, Apophis, in the garden near your boat. For some reason, he only seems to appear in the early morning. When I catch him, I'll make sure to drop his rotten carcass on your boat so you know it's safe to go walking. Be careful.


From: king_ra@godsofegypt.com
To: meow@godsofegypt.com
Re: Snake

Dear Daughter,

He's at it again? Seems like Apophis is sneaking around out there every morning. I've hired Seth to keep an eye for him during the night. Make sure to check the skies before you head out. If the sunrise is red, it's a sign that Seth caught him, and you can have the day off.

Thank you for being so vigilant! It makes me feel even warmer inside to know I have two powerful gods on snake patrol.


A Correspondence With Anubis

From: meow@godsofegypt.com
To: blackdog@godsofegypt.com
Subject: Public relations

Dear Anubis,

Recently, I've noticed the humans are engaging in all-out warfare over whether dogs or cats are better. It's ridiculous, really, and it's starting to get on my nerves. Any chance you'd be willing to make a public appearance with me to put this silly argument to rest? Maybe if we came out and said it, they'd relax.


From: blackdog@godsofegypt.com
To: meow@godsofegypt.com
Re: Public relations


Of course. It won't take long to tell them dogs are superior; they are man's best friend, after all. 


From: meow@godsofegypt.com
To: blackdog@godsofegypt.com
Re: Re: Public relations


Don't be silly. Everybody knows cats are superior.


[This email exchange goes on for several hours, without any resolution.]

A Correspondence With Horus the Younger

From: meow@godsofegypt.com
To: hailtotheking@godsofegypt.com
Subject: Setting the Greeks straight

Your Majesty,

Have you heard this goofy stuff the Greeks are telling people? They're saying that you're Apollo and I'm Artemis, and that we're twins.

Goofy, I tell you. I'm older than your mother, and I don't even like dogs.


From: hailtotheking@godsofegypt.com
Re: Setting the Greeks straight

Dear Lady Bast,

I know. It's weird. Apollo's a great guy, though. We hang out sometimes and race chariots. He's really good with words. Maybe we should ask him to tell the Greeks to knock it off, what do you think?

-Your "brother" Horus

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