Shmoop's crack team of P.I.s has hacked into Bast's email account. Below, you'll find a transcript of some of her more interesting exchanges. (P.S. Yes, cats can type. Besides, Bast has a woman's body sometimes.)
Attached please find yet another ZIP file of letters from our worshippers that were meant for you. I understand mistaking us for each other in public, but your email doesn't look anything like mine. This is getting ridiculous. Do I have to dye my fur a different color to get any respect around here?
Again? I thought I made sure my email was carved at the temple doors this time. You'd think people were smart enough to realize that "meow" isn't really something I'd say, lioness and all. Oh well, I didn't create them, my husband did.
I've only gotten a handful of emails for you, but I'll send them along. I'll also be shipping you half a box of chocolates. I ate a few before I read the letter that came with the box, and realized it was addressed to you. Hope you aren't mad. Can I buy you a beer to make up for it?
Been hunting that snake, Apophis, in the garden near your boat. For some reason, he only seems to appear in the early morning. When I catch him, I'll make sure to drop his rotten carcass on your boat so you know it's safe to go walking. Be careful.
He's at it again? Seems like Apophis is sneaking around out there every morning. I've hired Seth to keep an eye for him during the night. Make sure to check the skies before you head out. If the sunrise is red, it's a sign that Seth caught him, and you can have the day off.
Thank you for being so vigilant! It makes me feel even warmer inside to know I have two powerful gods on snake patrol.
Recently, I've noticed the humans are engaging in all-out warfare over whether dogs or cats are better. It's ridiculous, really, and it's starting to get on my nerves. Any chance you'd be willing to make a public appearance with me to put this silly argument to rest? Maybe if we came out and said it, they'd relax.
Of course. It won't take long to tell them dogs are superior; they are man's best friend, after all.
Don't be silly. Everybody knows cats are superior.
[This email exchange goes on for several hours, without any resolution.]
Have you heard this goofy stuff the Greeks are telling people? They're saying that you're Apollo and I'm Artemis, and that we're twins.
Goofy, I tell you. I'm older than your mother, and I don't even like dogs.
Dear Lady Bast,
I know. It's weird. Apollo's a great guy, though. We hang out sometimes and race chariots. He's really good with words. Maybe we should ask him to tell the Greeks to knock it off, what do you think?
-Your "brother" Horus