What Bes lacks in height, he makes up for in pure charisma. Bes is the Egyptian dwarf god, and he's also the Father of Fertility, the Frightener-Off of Fiends, and the Master of Memorable Music. When he gets going into a good groove, Bes will shake his lion's mane-esque beard like there's no tomorrow. When he needs to protect women and children, though, Bes is all business, sticking his tongue out in a fierce pose to scare off demons.
|Nickname||Bessy, Big B|
|Current city||I live all over. I can't remember where I was born—it might've been in Nubia—but since then, I hang out in all sorts of places to protect the families that worship me.|
|Occupation||Protector of families and women in childbirth; god of dwarves, luck, and prosperity. I scare off bad spirits and dangerous animals from babies and other helpless things.|
|Education||I learned from the gods how to protect those pesky humans.|
|Political views||I'm campaigner-in-chief for Ra as king of the gods.|
|Parents||My parents live back in Nubia|
|Friends||Hathor (we like to boogie together) and Taweret|
|Enemies||Any evil spirits trying to harm pregnant women|
|Relationship status||It's complicated with Beset (my female counterpart) and my business partner, Taweret|
|Interested in||Ladies of all statures|
|Quotations||"I failed to make the chess team because of my height."|
– Woody Allen
"Luck is the by-product of busting your fanny."
– Don Sutton
"Childbirth is more admirable than conquest, more amazing than self-defense, and as courageous as either one."
– Gloria Steinem
"I tend to think you're fearless when you recognize why you should be scared of things, but do them anyway."
– Christian Bale
|Books||Aeneid by Virgil |
I love the dance party Aeneas and Dido had together.
The Giver by Lois Lowry
I help give women the gift of kids—because I get them through the hard part.
Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
What little women wouldn't love a little man?
Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien
I'm slightly taller than a hobbit.
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
The Black Cat by Edgar Allan Poe
I love all kitties, like a good Egyptian.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson
All's Well That Ends Well by William Shakespeare
A Perfect Day for Bananafish by J.D. Salinger
Who doesn't love a good bananafish?
|Music||Dancing in the Street by Martha and the Valuables |
I love grooving and dancing through the streets of Memphis.
The Humpty Dance by Digital Underground
Four Women by Nina Simone
I have helped many more than that give birth.
Kids by MGMT
Who doesn't love helping babies be born?
Good Vibrations by The Beach Boys
Boyz N the Hood by Eazy-E
Me and the other gods are the boyz in the Egyptian 'hood.
Dancing Queen by ABBA
Good Luck Charm by Elvis Presley
|Movies||The Business of Being Born |
I'm the CEO of this business.
Spirits of the Dead
Nubia: the Forgotten Kingdom
I love stories about my homeland.
The Lion King
I've got a mane just like Simba's.
Good Night, and Good Luck
Some people think I'm this kind of monster—but I'm actually on the good side.
|TV Shows||Luck |
I know a thing or two about scaring off bad luck.
Little People, Big World
They should've made this show about me and my family.
Married with Children
Being married with kids can be rough. Trust me.
Mysteries of Egypt
|Activities||Sticking my tongue out at evil demons|
Getting pregnant women ice chips
Dancing in the street
Practicing the tango
|Groups||Dance is My Life |
The Macabre and the Beautifully Grotesque
I'm Shorter Than 5'9"
Childbirth Information Network