We can see it all now: high school biology class. We are
picturing uncomfortable metal stools; lectures on lab safety; NOVA
giant, take-over-your-entire-face safety goggles that are always
scratched beyond belief. They suck on your eyeballs and oh, lest we
forget about the might-as-well-be-permanent goggle marks you will be
sporting for the PE class that comes right after bio lab. Luckily for
you, we don't have any of that stuff. OK, there may be a few NOVA
videos. However, we threw in some Bill Nye, too, just to even things
Welcome to Shmoop's Biology 101, your virtual home for all
things vegetable, animal, and mineral. Before we jump into the beastin'
world of Biology, let's go through some pros and cons of the online
version, as opposed to the real thing.Pros:
- You will not need to shower eight times to get the smell of formaldehyde out of your hair after dissecting those frogs.
- You will not need to worry about shattering a beaker and going into
DEFCON 1 as your teacher assembles a perimeter around the broken glass.
- You will not be accidentally electrocuted while trying to plug in a
microscope after one of your idiot classmates breaks off some metal in
the socket. (Trust us, it happens. And it hurts.)
- You can eat while
studying. We don't know about your school, but that was generally
frowned upon in our biology classes.
- You can wear your pajamas! Or, nothing at all, if you really want to.
Just remember to turn off your webcams first. We know that bizness isn't allowed
at your regular, old, non-virtual high school.
- No cleaning the mess afterward. Score.
- We can't replicate that oh-so-unique biology classroom smell. Actually, maybe that's a pro.
- There are no opportunities for sparkly vampire lab partners, à la
Twilight. Maybe study with a buddy to stave off those feelings of loss.
What will you do without your lover with the creepy stare and
an apparent anger management problem?
- No killing things. This should also be a pro. Who put this here?
- No touching dead things. Again, probably a pro. Rock on, Internet.
- We cannot replicate the truly enlightening experience of having a
semi-narcoleptic lab partner. All we have to say is, keep away all sharp
- No microscopes. We are not gonna lie. Microscopes are beyond awesome.
- No furry bunnies, lamp-lovin' lizards, or suicidal fish that have
nightmares…we mean, pleasant dreams…about students poking them, shouting
at them, and forgetting to feed them. PetCo is just down the street.
- No field trips to the zoo. Another legit con. Request a zoo field trip by emailing [email protected]
that settles it. Bunch of pros and…one or two cons. Looks like you are
stuck using Shmoop for all of your biology needs. Although, there is
nothing like a good squirt of frog juice right in your left goggle...