When it comes to pets, there's something for everyone. Dogs and cats are great family pets. Kids can learn the basics of pet care with guinea pigs, hamsters, and gerbils. Posh people can invest in unusual and expensive animals like chinchillas. Allergy sufferers can still enjoy animal companionship with birds, snakes, and lizards. Fish are popular with doctors and dentists everywhere.

 

We don't see what the fuss is about. He's had all his shots. (Source)

And then there's that one family that decides to take on an alligator for a pet. 

Sure, that lil' gator is cute when you first get him, but remember, kids: An alligator isn't just for Christmas. Before you know it, Mr. Chompy is going to grow up to be—not to put too fine a point on it—an eight-foot-long, 1,000-pound apex predator that has no place in the suburbs.

Face it. Mr. Chompy needs to be moved to the Everglades. But who could possibly transport a half-ton killing machine that far? Who can you call?

GHOST—er...Animal Control. Of course. They have the tools and experience to make sure that Mr. Chompy gets to a safe swamp so that he (and you) can live out your natural lives in peace.

Animal control officers are officers of the law, just like police officers—but instead of policing people in general, they police people only where animals are concerned. Unfortunately, this means they also make a police officer's salary, which is usually around $34,000-$41,000, on average (source).

You can become an animal control officer straight out of high school, but don't think that means it's a cakewalk. It's more like a cake run...and the cake is a forty-pound kettle bell. You'll have to undergo many hours of training at the academy, five days a week, with lots of studying for dessert (source). The academy won't be cheap, either, so pull out your old piggy bank and start filling that sucker with cold, hard cash.

Once you've graduated from the academy (congrats, champ), you'll be outfitted in a sweet uniform, complete with a shiny badge. In some states, you'll also get a gun or a taser. After that, you'll be all set to start cruising the streets. Time to rescue some kittens.

Like police officers, animal control officers get to give out citations when people break the law. Unlicensed or unvaccinated pets? Cite 'em for endangering humans and other animals. Someone has too many animals? Write 'em up for animal abuse—and maybe arrest them while you're at it. Keeping a dangerous animal that may have bitten someone or another animal? Slap that person (figuratively, please) with a citation and tell them not to leave town. You've got a rope on a pole and a van full of cages, and you're not afraid to use them.

As an animal control officer, it's your job to protect and serve the animal population as well as the human one. You'll keep the peace and keep everyone, no matter how many legs they have, safe and healthy.

 

Ain't nobody gonna kick a puppy while he's around. (Source)

Or at least you'll try. The sad truth is that there are lots of neglected, abandoned, and abused animals out there. Many people become animal control officers because they love animals, but working in animal control means seeing the worst ways that an animal can be treated. You'll rescue animals from abusive homes. This isn't a job for the softhearted.

It isn't a job for hypochondriacs, either. Most of the animals you'll deal with are stray dogs and cats. You'll wear special gloves to protect your hands while you catch them and put them in cages, but you'll still probably be bitten at some point.

Animal control is called in if an animal is suspected of being rabid. Can you handle the thought of being bitten by a rabid Chihuahua? A rabid raccoon? A rabid coyote? It's scary stuff, even when you're up to date on your shots.

Speaking of coyotes, they're responsible for one of the more gruesome aspects of animal control: cleaning up after the coyotes have enjoyed a delicious meal. There will be dead animals that you will have to pick up and dispose of. There will also be live coyotes that need to be relocated away from humans, along with bears, bobcats, rattlesnakes, and lots of other big, scary animals that probably won't appreciate being picked up and locked in a cage in a van.

All this for a meager salary of about $34,000-$41,000...lousy gig, huh?

Not if you really love animals. If you're the next St. Francis of Assisi, and you've got the stomach for the ugly side of animal control, then you probably won't mind the long hours and low pay. Your reward will lie in knowing that you're doing good—and by the way, this will be good that you can actually see and touch. No thinking, "Oh, I guess this might help an animal someday" for you.

You'll get to rescue animals from bad homes and find them loving ones where they'll get all the cuddles and treats they want. You'll get to reunite lost pets with their owners. And in cases like that of Mr. Chompy the alligator, you'll get to make your neighborhood a safer place and keep an animal from being dumped in an unsafe environment.

When you really love animals, there's no better feeling than knowing that you're the reason all those animals are safe and loved.

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