Clown Career

Clown Career

The Real Poop

When's the last time you went to a circus that didn't have any clowns? Never, right? The clown is the glue that holds the whole show together. Even Cirque du Soleil needs some silly pratfallers. (Oh, they weren't supposed to fall off that high wire, you say? Never mind.) The point is the world needs clowns. Everybody loves a clown.

(Except, of course, those with coulrophobia—the fear of clowns, specifically. Or anyone who's been traumatized by Stephen King's It. Neither of those are shorts lists.)

Clowns are members of a noble profession. Since your grandparents' day, the likes of Clarabelle and Bozo have been entertaining children and families, spreading joy and cheer everywhere. And where would the world be without Ronald McDonald and Krusty? Hungry and sad, that's where.

At about $38,000 per year, you may not make a whole bunch of money clowning around for a living, but you'll have terrific job security (source). In addition to the usual circus gigs, there are loads of people who'd love to hire a professional clown with a good shtick. 

Sick children, birthday parties, store openings, retirement homes, bris ceremonies, restaurants, county fairs, and even clown ministries (yes, it's a real thing) are often in need of a clown's silly skills and tumbling talents.

 
The generally bizarre and inexplicably weird are also invited to apply. (Source)

If you're the type who cuts up in class all the time—and also craves attention, likes unicycles, and has a knack for balloon animals—you might want to consider a career in clowning yourself.

Last we heard, there's a worldwide clown shortage going on (source). In fact, it's a bit of a clown crisis. That's good news for you—it means there's greater demand and less competition. And if this is your calling, honk to answer. Honk. Go ahead try it. Like, use a bicycle horn or, get in your car—your little itty-bitty car—and honk that horn. We'll wait.

Don't you feel better now?

What about your clothes? Do you have any big clothes? No, we mean really big clothes. Do you see any of your 300-pound great Aunt Gertrude's sweatpants lying around? Put on those pants. Wouldn't they be cooler if they were yellow with big green polka dots on them? Wouldn't it be great to go to work wearing something like these instead of some stuffy suit and tie or heels and pantyhose?

 
Noble warriors against sadness. (Source)

And then, of course, there are the wigs. If you're that attention-craving type ideally fit for clowning, there's nothing better than a bushy, bright red wig to make you stand out in a room. Or outside—a little known trade secret is white pancake makeup makes for a pretty effective sunblock. How many clowns do you see with wrinkles? Facelifts? Admit it, you've never seen a clown with a facelift.

We need clowns. Okay, maybe not as much as we need surgeons and engineers, but honestly, how good are your math skills anyway? We'd all probably agree that laughter and good humor are generally pretty important, and a clown's job is to make sad people laugh. Noble purpose, indeed.

Global warming, war, famine, disease, illiteracy, extreme poverty, sad loser baseball teams, dogs missing their legs that are forced to get around with a little pushcart strapped to their bodies—tragedies abound in the world these days.

Who are you going to call when times are tough and the chips are down? A clown, that's who. And not just one of those hack clowns who just sticks on a rubber nose and jumps around doing Zumba moves to win over a crowd. The world needs real clowns. Those who have heard the clarion call for clowning and have dedicated themselves to the profession.

In order to be a great clown, you'll need to be the whole package. You'll need to have a unique character in mind, crazy costumes, and the ability to make fun of yourself as well as others. Every day you go out clowning, you need to be totally invested in your craft.

Aside from training programs, there are groups such as the World Clown Association and Clowns of America International (which seems to be a paradox—how can you represent America and "international" at the same time?) to share hints and tips from clowns who have been entertaining people for many, many years.

If becoming a clown is something you'd like to do, there are plenty of other clowns to help you out. Just keep your head up and follow the advice of those who came before you. They've given you some pretty big shoes to fill.