© 2014 Shmoop University, Inc. All rights reserved.

Exorcist

Bell Curve

1
5%

For a while you can't believe your luck: You moved to large city where not a single exorcist is registered in the Yellow Pages. Turns out Tel Aviv is fine going without.

2
25%

You take an online course in exorcism and put an ad on Craigslist advertising your services. Your first few clients are demon-infested hamster Habitrails, but you eventually move up to ferret hammocks and even the occasional ferret.

3
50%

As a young, unmarried, good-looking pastor, you dabble in exorcism. Coincidentally, many of the young ladies in the congregation insist you lay hands on them and soothe the devil inside.

4
75%

You make a deal with Satan to be the hand-picked successor of Reverend Bob Larson, a Denver-based exorcist and multi-media mogul whose exorcism empire exceeds one billion dollars. It was worth it.

5
95%

The Pope has been declared under the influence of demon possession and you, previously a small town parish priest, have been summoned to the Vatican to perform the exorcism. For your success you are made Supreme Vatican Exorcist (SVE) and a movie, starring Daniel Craig, is made about your life.

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement