© 2016 Shmoop University, Inc. All rights reserved.

Bell Curve


Overly Enthusiastic Clergyman. Salary: $31,000 or less 

You've been obsessed with the rites of exorcism since your goth days of high school, and joined the Church for no other reason than to throw down with demons. Sadly, no one around you is possessed. You spend each night praying to God that He allows at least one person to become possessed by Satan soon. You know, just once. Just so you can see. Come on, God.


Mammalian Savior. Salary: $34,000 

You take an online course in exorcism and put an ad on Craigslist advertising your services. Your first few clients are demon-infested hamster Habitrails, but you eventually move up to ferret hammocks and even the occasional ferret.


Exorcist. Salary: $43,000 

While you don't tend to perform all that many exorcisms yourself, you do make decent bank assembling and selling exorcism kits. Rice bags, pre-blessed vials of holy water, durable but lightweight silver crosses...you're making a killing. Of demons, that is.


Priest Turncoat. Salary: $62,000 

You make a deal with Satan to be the handpicked successor of Reverend Bob Larson, a Denver-based exorcist and multi-media mogul whose exorcism empire spans eighteen countries. Let's hope it was worth it.


The Exorcist. Salary: $103,000 

The Pope has been declared under the influence of demon possession and you, previously a small town parish priest, have been summoned to the Vatican to perform the exorcism. For your success you're made Supreme Vatican Exorcist (SVE) and a movie, starring Daniel Craig, is made about your life. Your bank account is Legion.