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Bell Curve


To set yourself apart from the competition, you self-proclaim your expertise in a new discipline of vigilante justice, but get too carried away and start a neighborhood Fight Club.


All your jobs as a visiting professor have earned you the nickname, "The Tourist."


Nearly got tenure. Just hope nobody notices this is a comb over.


To celebrate your tenured position, you streak through your next faculty meeting and make the essay to your exam a single question: "Which are cooler, pirates or ninjas?"


The article you publish, I Can't Believe It's Not Illegal, revolutionizes criminal defense, and lawyers across America hail you as a latter-day Johnny Cochran. You try to enjoy dinner with Chief Justice Roberts, but Justice Scalia's family at the next table won't be quiet.