To set yourself apart from the competition, you self-proclaim your expertise in a new discipline of vigilante justice, but get too carried away and start a neighborhood Fight Club.

All your jobs as a visiting professor have earned you the nickname, "The Tourist."

Nearly got tenure. Just hope nobody notices your comb over.

To celebrate your tenured position, you streak through your next faculty meeting and make the essay to your exam a single question: "Which are cooler, pirates or ninjas?"

The article you publish, I Can't Believe It's Not Illegal, revolutionizes criminal defense, and lawyers across America hail you as a latter-day Johnny Cochran. You try to enjoy dinner with Chief Justice Roberts, but Justice Scalia's family at the next table won't be quiet.