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Bell Curve


Minor Loaner. Salary: $40,000 

The head loan officer is out sick with a cold, so the bank manager is giving you a chance in the big seat today. Your first customer is an elderly woman hoping to open a shelter for stray cats. She pulls all of your heart strings and you give her the loan. You spend the rest of the day getting chewed out by the bank manager.


Up and Coming Lender. Salary: $55,000 

You've had so much success recently that the institution decides to give you your own office. Unfortunately, it's on the fifteenth floor of the building and they haven't gotten the elevator fixed. At least this means you can finally get rid of that gym membership.


Loan Professional. Salary: $70,000 

You've had your ups and downs, but for the most part you're picking the right ones. Then you strike gold with a loan you made to a twenty-three-year-old chemist. Apparently his invention for a new kind of comfortable underwear material was super successful; all of your bosses are wearing it.


Lendus Maximus. Salary: $85,000 

You've been with the bank for a long time and you have the skills to back up your good reputation. You're a machine, just like your mother was when you were in high school—except your mother worked on actual machines. She still takes every chance she gets to make fun of your baby-soft hands.


Loan Wolf. Salary: $100,000 

You start your own mortgage brokerage service, offering your expertise at competitive rates. You make thousands of smart loans a year and make thousands more dollars in profit. At this point you don't even need to listen to the sob story if you don't feel like it; you've got employees you can pay for that privilege.