Phlebotomist Career

Phlebotomist Career

The Real Poop

The young woman's gaze is fixed on you, her bright, blue eyes laced with tears of terror as she smiles faintly. Fear and loathing, that's what she has and that's fine with you. The pale flesh on the inside of her outstretched elbow trembles under the icy swab of alcohol-soaked cotton. The woman flinches as you start your search and tap, tap, tap for a vein. Finally, it rises to the surface, ready. Your grip on the woman's wrist tightens as your eyes implore her to be still once more. You hold your breath, slide the cold, sterile barrel of the needle into vein, suck the dark, crimson blood into the vial; release the rubber tourniquet and breath, along with the patient. Done.

Phlebotomy comes from the Greek words phlebo (vein) and tomy (to cut). Phlebotomists indeed do hack into those veins with a zeal normally reserved for characters from American Horror Story in a procedure technically called a venipuncture.

Early phlebotomists called the procedure bloodletting and Medieval Doctor/Barbers were more than happy to stick a needle in your vein and drain you of the toxins causing your ill humour, while throwing in a nice little trim and a shave. The downside, of course, was in trying to maintain a client base while typically killing off 90 percent of your patients by the fourth or fifth bloodletting.

Nowadays, phlebotomists are in high demand. With zillions of blood labs cropping up quicker than gourmet burger joints; private medical offices needing their own vamps; and oodles of hospitals requiring a healthy staff of suckers on call 24/7, anyone who can stick a 20 gauge needle into a vein the width of a piece of dental floss can get a job somewhere.

In order to be a good phlebotomist, you will need excellent hand-eye coordination, as sometimes navigating the needle into the vein of a chubby, elderly patient will test your skills greater than the Legendary round of Halo Nation with all skulls active.

While the typical patient requires a 20 or 21 gauge needle, children, babies, and high school teens who act like babies take a needle with a smaller diameterthe smallest being a 23 gauge or butterfly needle (it's called a butterfly needle because the device does indeed look like a harmless little winged creature instead of sharp, sucky iron butterfly.)

As hard as it is to siphon blood from folks with good veins, you will have to deal with your fair share of people who have invisible veins buried under layers of fat; or those cursed with thin, teeny tiny veins that collapse at the mere sight of a needle; or thick ropy veins that loll around under the skin when you try to poke them, or form an instant hematoma at the slightest touch.

You will either get great at mastering the art of the stick, or you will get really good at hunting down the patients who you'’ve stuck several times and are now running for cover. Here's where your people skills will also come into play. For patients afraid of the sight of blood, you need to be fast and good at the art of distraction. Glamoring your prey could help.

Then there are the kickers and the biters to watch out for. Stock up on knee pads and make sure your tetanus shots are up to date. A good phlebotomist has patience, stellar reflexes, stamina, and a decent pair of orthotic shoes. Be firm, be prepared, and be able to stand on your feet all day, every day.

You will also need a thick skin. While you perform a necessary and very valuable service from a diagnostic standpoint, you are usually the least favorite person anyone wants to see. Babies will cry at the mere sight of you. Frankenstein probably had an easier time making friends. Don't take it personally. You probably won't receive a lot of party invitations or thank you cards. There also isn't a Phlebotomist Day, so don't expect satisfied patients to be sending you over bouquets of flowers and chocolates anytime soon and you won't win any awards for Best Blood Draw or Phlebotomist of the Year.

You also need to know when to walk away. If you're turning a patient into a pin-cushion in search of a working vein, the patient has the right to tell you to get away and replace you with someone else. You can't force someone to give you their blood unless you're willing to undergo the wrath of Von Helsing.

However, if you are good at your job, those who are afraid of needles will be your biggest fans when you have finished, especially if you managed to stick ‘em once without it hurting too much. Your meager salary (typically $12.50 an hour) and the thanks you receive upon finding and tapping a difficult vein might make it all worthwhile.

You will need nerves of steel and not be a worry-wart. You'll be dealing with vials of blood from sick people, some with very nasty, life-threatening contagious illnesses, so if you've got OCD, this isn't the job for you.

You must be fastidiously clean and wear gloves at all times, taking every precaution for your safety's sake. You will also need to be very organized and have somewhat decent penmanship, as you will be marking the blood vials and paperwork.

Considering a busy clinic can get between 50-150 patients a day with a phlebotomist seeing a new patient every 10 minutes or so, you will need to be extremely resilient and fast paced. So many blood vials, so little time.

On the upside, you will be able to wear a lab coat to work and not have to go to Med school; and your mom can go around telling everyone what a successful genius you are, being gainfully employed in the medical field, as you'll most certainly always be able to find work somewhere, that is, of course, until the machines take over.