Aww, look at you. You’re all grown up, more or less. After all, you're a(n) -Select one- now. Seems like only yesterday that you were hiding raw eggs in your parents' long underwear just to get a rise out of them. But that was last April, and you've… evolved.

You have a GPA of 4.00001; you racked up an excellent score on your SAT or soon will, you’ve put in -300 hours of community service, you were captain of the cheese-rolling team, and president of the Miley Cyrus Admiration club. You're the dream of every admissions officer. Unfortunately… so are many of your @*&#?! peers. One senses that you’re not the only apple-polisher who's been working their medulla oblongata off since freshman year.

How do you set yourself apart? Are you an -Select one-? How do you get those admissions officers to sit up, put down their Clif bar and Monster energy drink, and pay attention? What is so noteworthy about you that should push you to the front of the line, when everyone and their second cousin twice removed wants the same thing that you want?

Let Shmoop take you by the nose and tell you how it's done. We'll get you on the inside track, so you'll know when, where and how to apply, how to deal with rejection, what the options are if you're interested in -Select one-, and of course... what to expect when you actually get to college. Like… depending on what type of roommate you get stuck with, you may want to write your initials on all of your panties and invest in a pair of noise-canceling nosehair trimmers.

Not sure where in life you're headed? We're here for you. Just tell us, "-Select one-," and we'll gently nudge you in the right direction. Have you put together a list of schools? -Select one-. Wherever you are in that process, we can help you narrow things down, point out the pros (Dropdown of generic but funny list of pros) and cons (Dropdown of generic but funny list of cons) of the institutions you may be considering, and help bring your immediate future into clearer focus. We can even help you decide what clubs and activities to choose.

Shmoop will come to the rescue, no matter how far along you are in the college application process. Whether you’ve -Select one- or are just beginning to mull things over, we can set you along the right path. How are you gonna pay for all this business? -Select one- We can help there, too. To a certain extent. Sorry… we’re a little strapped this month.

It's a long, potentially scary road ahead, but don’t panic. Take a deep breath, settle into a comfy bean bag chair, and get prepared for a long read. It may cause macular degeneration, but in the long run, it’ll be well worth the medical expenses. Just wait until college gets a load of you. You’re going to knock its mittens off.