Still at E. Antipholus’s house, the confusion we’ve just seen outside is almost as bad as the confusion going on inside. Remember S. Antipholus has just had dinner with Adriana (E. Antipholus’s wife) and Luciana (Adriana’s sister). Dinner must’ve been pretty good (and merrily drunk), because S. Antipholus has presently declared his love for Luciana. Of course, this is complicated by the fact that Luciana thinks her brother-in-law is coming onto her. (Awkward!!!)
Luciana wonders just how E. Antipholus can turn from loving his wife to being so unfaithful. She says Antipholus may have married her sister for money, but she wishes he’d be better to her for the money’s sake, then. Luciana doesn’t tell him to be faithful, exactly. Instead, she recommends that if he does love another, that he do it stealthily, as it’s one offense to cheat on your wife, and an entirely different offense to let the poor woman know about it. According to Luciana, a man should hide his infidelity for his wife’s sake.
Luciana finally deflects S. Antipholus by saying women are gullible, and will believe what men want them to believe, especially if the men can flatter them by claiming true love.
S. Antipholus is undeterred. Again, he wonders how Luciana even knows his name. He admits he doesn’t really know her name, and decides that she must be some divine creature. He pleads with her to be his mentor, and teach him the ways of the world and himself.
Finally, S. Antipholus rightly asserts that he has no wife, and either way, he prefers Luciana to Adriana. Besides, Adriana is inside the house crying as they speak.
S. Antipholus wishes Luciana would do more with her power than just try to get him to love her sister. He basically declares Luciana to be the apple of his eye. Luciana is weirded out and runs off to try to comfort her sister.
Just then, S. Dromio runs in, out of breath. S. Dromio says this woman, the unattractive kitchen wench, claims that he’s her man.
Though the girl’s not appealing, she did know Dromio by name. Even creepier, she knew about all the marks and moles on his body. This is no woman to bring home to mom (if he had one), so Dromio ran from her as though she were a witch.
S. Antipholus has clearly had enough, and his plan is to get the hell out. He sends S. Dromio to go find out if any ships are leaving immediately. He’d really rather not spend the night in this creepy place that’s clearly enchanted by witches and full of awful women who claim he and Dromio for their husbands. Still, S. Antipholus will be a little sad to leave Luciana, who has enchanted him.
Now, Angelo the goldsmith shows up with E. Antipholus’s gold chain for his wife. He mistakes S. Antipholus for E. Antipholus, and happily gives him the chain, so glad to meet him before he went to the Porpentine. Of course, S. Antipholus has no idea what’s going on, but he doesn’t refuse the necklace because it’s pretty. He tries to pay Angelo on the spot, but Angelo refuses (thinking E. Antipholus will pay him later). S. Antipholus, thinking golden gifts are raining from the sky, decides to accept his gift. He’ll meet Dromio at the marketplace and leave Ephesus as soon as possible.