Hello out there, Internet surfers. Greetings from Elysium, the city of the blessed dead. That's right, despite the negative image that's been spread about me over the years, I reside with all the great heroes and heroines of history. How 'bout them apples? Maybe I'm not so bad after all, huh? Maybe all you people out there shouldn't base your impression of me only on the works of hack writers like Sophocles or on that idiotic blog of Antigone's.
I suppose most of you have heard of the famous disagreement between my troublesome niece, Antigone, and me. In case you were unaware, the argument came about after I decreed that the corpse of her brother, Polyneices, was not allowed to be buried. I made it very clear to all that the penalty for breaking this law was death. Still, Antigone directly defied me. And I've been painted as a villain ever since because I carried out the promised death sentence by burying her alive.
Below, you will find all the reasons why Antigone should immediately desist in posting all this slanderous rhetoric about yours truly:
beatthesphinx65: Creon, do you seriously think that your pitiful blog can compete with Antigone's?
KingCre999: This blog is thorough and informative, Oedipus.
beatthesphinx65: Yeah, but it's got no spunk, no pizzazz.
KingCre999: Your side of the family always had a bit too much "pizzazz" if you ask me.
beatthesphinx65: You seriously were always a stick in the mud. Just a boring bureaucrat posing as a king.
KingCre999: I wish your reign had been a bit more boring. The worst mistake I made wasn't walling your daughter up in a tomb; it was giving you the throne of Thebes and the hand of my sister. I should have kept the throne! Found another way to beat the Sphinx!
beatthesphinx65: Yeah, you kind of messed up there.
KingCre999: Are you joking about all this tragedy?
beatthesphinx65: Look, I'll forever be remembered as the guy who killed his father, slept with his mother, and gouged out his own eyes. If I don't find things to laugh about, I'll go totally crazy.
KingCre999: I can't believe we're related.
beatthesphinx65: You know what, Creon? Maybe your tragic flaw was that you took life way too seriously.