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Simone de Beauvoir
Simone de Beauvoir
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Simone de Beauvoir’s Clique: The Un-Bridalists

This anti-marriage faction asks the question, "How in the world are two people supposed to love each other and fulfill each other for the rest of their lives?" They believe that wives are basically free labor and that from the get all this propaganda convinces women of all that take-pride-in-the-hearth-and-home nonsense. Motto: "Marriage almost always destroys woman."

Sophia Tolstoy

Founder

Sophia founded the organization when she realized that, for woman, marriage = padded jaw trap. It won't kill you, but it's no fun for coyotes or women. Like Simone, Sophia is long dedicated to her partner's work (her main man is Leo Tolstoy). Unlike Simone, Sophia's hitched, but she still agrees that marriage stinks for women.

Plato

Member Emeritus

Without going into details, we'll just tell you that this ancient philosopher wrote in his Republic that group marriage was the way to go. The more the merrier.

Jean-Paul Sartre

VP in Charge of Membership

JP loves Simone and other women (including his adoptive daughter), but he's not down with tying the knot. It's so unexistential to get married because that means two free selves become one, so there goes the freedom of the individual self. No thanks.

Søren Kierkegaard

Christian Overseer

An avid member of the club, "Captain Kierk" feels that marriage threatens his work as a thinker and his devotion to Christianity to boot. Can't wear too many hats at once.

Andrea Dworkin

Ex-member

Recently kicked out of the club for going rogue, Dworkin was drawing negative attention to the "productive efforts" of the organization. Her assertion that marriage "is an institution developed from rape as a practice" is just a touch too provocative for this clique's taste. She's started a splinter group and has gotten really hostile lately.

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