January 13: YES, THERE WILL ALWAYS BE WINTER
Once again, I've been getting a lot of emails complaining about the winter. You'd think that after thousands upon thousands of years, people would get over it. Now this is the last time I'm going to say this, so everybody pay attention...
***As long as my daughter, Persephone, has to spend part of the year in the Underworld with that horrible husband of hers (stinkin' Hades!) it's going be winter while she's down there!***
Year after year, I get messages asking things like, "But why does the whole world have to pay just because your daughter has it bad?" Well, think about this: it's not just her who suffers. It's me too. Imagine what it's like having to think of her down there with that horrible god... and he's my brother, for crying out loud.
You know the story. I roamed the Earth for so long searching for her. I carried that torch everywhere I went, shining light into every corner of the world. And if it weren't for the help and kindness of Hecate and Helios, I never would've found out where my precious daughter was. Oh, the panic I felt. The terror. And every winter, it's like it's happening all over again.
You all are so ungrateful. Where would humanity be without me? I sent Triptolemos out to teach you everything you needed to know about farming. Without me, you'd all still be gathering berries and chasing herds of buffalo around with spears. So please, don't take me for granted.
February 5: WHY I HATE MY FAMILY
My father, Cronus, swallowed me whole when I was just a little baby goddess.
I conceived my daughter, Persephone, with my brother, Zeus, while he was married to my sister, Hera. (Which is really just too disturbing to think about.)
Zeus gave our daughter, Persephone, to our brother Hades as a bride... without asking the ladies of the family what we thought about it. And I thought we were a progressive family.
While I was searching everywhere for Persephone, my brother, Poseidon, saw me and tried to force himself on me. I changed myself into a mare and hid in a whole herd of horses. But Poseidon then changed himself into a stallion and had his way with me. Later, I gave birth to Desopoina, and Arion, a talking horse. Don't get me wrong, I love my children, but... a talking horse?
March 20: PERSEPHONE HAS RETURNED!
Joy upon joys, beloved followers. My daughter has once again returned from the Underworld. You'll be happy to know that she is unscathed despite the time she spent with the hateful Hades. Though I have to say, she does look a little pale. Pale as a ghost, actually. I suppose that's to be expected, since the poor girl must spend so much time underground... with ghosts.
In any case, I'm pleased to announce the official start of spring. You should all expect crocuses, tulips, and daffodils to be poking their stalks up above the soil. Beautiful blossoms will certainly follow in abundance. The fields of my beloved and noble farmers will soon be dusted with a green haze of new sprouts. Oh, happiness! Oh, life!
July 20: AN APOLOGY
Persephone has been reviewing some of my blog posts from this past year and has pointed out their negativity. At her urging, I've spent the summer having sessions with Dr. Logos, a highly recommended therapist. The good doctor has helped me come to a very painful realization. I am the victim of a serious case of Seasonal Affective Disorder.
Indeed, my case of seasonal depression is the worst case ever documented, because, after all, it is what causes the seasons themselves to change. So, in a way, my disorder is the cause every other seasonal depression case on Earth. Oops.
In any case, I'd like to apologize for the negative blog posts over the course of this past winter. Dr. Logos is helping me to find more positive ways to deal with the sadness that comes over me when Persephone is with my hateful, awful, evil, despicable brother, Hades. Oh, there I go again... I will strive to be more positive. I promise. I will accept the things I cannot change.
October 1: ON CEREAL
Soon it'll be time again. Persephone is packing her things. I've made her an entire crate of bread to take with her, and I'm planning to send her a huge care package of various cereals when she gets down there. She so loves cereal. Unfortunately, her favorite is Lucky Charms. I can't say I approve of those. Marshmallows have next to no nutritional value. Although there must be some nutritious grains somewhere in that sugary treat, right?
October 17: ON SADNESS
I wish I could promise you all that there will be no winter this year, but that would be a promise I could not keep. I cannot fight my sadness. Instead, I am learning to live with it. And maybe, just maybe, that's okay. Perhaps sadness is just as necessary to joy as winter is to spring and as death is to life. Perhaps there is a cycle of creation and destruction in all things.
This was the basic gist of the Eleusinian Mysteries, the ceremonies that I used to preside over. Oh, it was so long ago. It seems that even though I'm immortal, and I have the benefit of ages upon ages of life, I am continuing to learn every day. After all, what kind of goddess of agriculture would I be if I didn't continue to grow?