The Erinyes take their job of retribution very seriously; that means they keep accurate records of each punishment they dole out, including the notices they send to their victims before inflicting punishment. In order to deter future evildoers, the Erinyes have granted Shmoop unprecedented access to their personal logs.
It has come to our attention that you killed your mother, Clytemnestra, as well as your stepfather Aegisthus. Retribution will come to in the form of madness. Be prepared to live out your days in the horrible clutches of your own guilt-ridden insanity. Self mutilation and suicide may ensue.
Note: Athena and Apollo helped Orestes wriggle out of his punishment, which still gets our goat.
Attn: City of Sludgeville
We have been made aware of the fact that your city is a cesspool of moral corruption. Your population is primarily comprised of liars, thieves, and various other criminals. Retribution will come in the form of a horrible plague. Symptoms may include migraines, boils, vomiting, extreme paranoia, flatulence, blindness, depression, hair loss, diarrhea, and brain damage. Also, your toenails will fall off.
Sisyphus, you were an awful, murderous, corrupt king who rightfully deserved to die. When Thanatos came to take you away, you tricked him and trapped him in Tartarus. For these crimes upon crimes, you will be doomed to eternally push a huge boulder up a hill in the Underworld. Also, we will whip you when we feel like it. What can we say? It's a big stress reliever for us.
It has come to our attention that you have recently insulted the gods. After being invited to the Olympian table by Zeus, you not only stole ambrosia, but you also chopped up your son Pelops and tried to serve him to the gods as food. Please be aware that eternal damnation awaits you in blackest pit of Tartarus. You will stand in a pool of water up to your neck. Every time you try to drink, however, the water will drain away. Above you there will the branch of a tree laden with succulent fruit. However, each time you try to take a piece, the branch will rise above your reach. You will be hungry and thirsty forever, and it is just what you deserve.
Queen Hera, may she ever reign, has informed us that you agreed to be married to Lavinia, daughter of King Latinus, though the princess is already engaged to Turnus. Our sister Alecto is winging her way now toward Turnus to stir up a nasty war. Expect death, carnage, and suffering—you deserve it.
Attn: Pamela Shmenderson
Despite your neighbors' constant complaints, you continue to allow your piercing alarm clock to go off incessantly between the hours of 5:00AM and 7:00AM. Do you really need it to go off for that long in order to wake up? You should be ashamed. To pay for your crimes against humanity, you will be locked in coffin-sized chamber where your brain will be pierced with the horrible sound of your own alarm clock for all eternity. Also, we might put fire ants in there sometimes, because we think that would be funny.