The Handsomest Drowned Man in the World
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The Handsomest Drowned Man in the World: An Excerpt from People Magazine’s 50 Most Desirable Dead People Quiz
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Q. Why do the women weep with joy?
Because the man comes to life
Because they have finally found a man who will listen to everything they have to say without interrupting or losing focus
Because this is the sign for which they have been waiting
Because no one claims the body
Q. What do the men in the town think when they see the drowned man’s face?
They agree with the women that he is incredibly handsome
They don’t understand what all the fuss is about
They think he looks a little bloated
Q. About what do the men think the drowned man must have felt awkward?
How much seaweed he had hanging out of his mouth
His deeply set eyes
His incredible size
The breadth of his chest
Q. What do the townspeople do with the body?
They mummify and entomb it
They preserve it in ice
They attach it to an upright plank of wood and place it on the edge of town to scare away crows
They throw it back into the sea
Q. What do the townspeople resolve to do in light of this incident?
Begin treating their dead with more respect
Make their town bigger and better
Start eating better and exercising more
Swim in pairs