Hathor is the empress of Egypt, the queen bee of its ancient pantheon. Strolling around the land of the Nile with her cow-horned headdress, Hathor rules with a scented scepter over the realms of women, love, beauty, and more. You can find her wobbling after her Festival of Drunkenness, lifting her skirt to make her dad laugh, or staring at her flawless face in a mirror.
|Nickname||Eye of Re, Lady of the Sycamore, my favorite tree, Lady of the West|
|Current city||Dendera or Memphis|
|Occupation||So many jobs, so little time:|
I give life to humans with the ankh, symbol of life. Viva Hathor!
I'm the goddess of women, fertility, and cows.
I'm Horus's mama or nurse. Our mythology's so mixed up that I can't remember.
I've the goddess of love and beauty. And I'm a hottie to boot.
I help the dead by giving them food and drink. You should help everyone—even those six feet under.
I am the goddess of the night sky and the stars.
|Education||I learned on the job from the best of the best: Re, Osiris, and the whole pantheon.|
|Political views||My dad's the king of the gods… absolute monarchies all the way!|
|Parents||Ra, god of the sun|
|Siblings||Shu and Tefnut|
|Children||Some people say I'm Horus's mother, but my two main kids are Ihy and Harsomtus.|
|Friends||Beermakers, vintners, dancers, women, mothers, cows|
|Enemies||Only those who stay sober, disrespect women, or eat beef.|
|Relationship status||Married to Horus of Edfu|
|Interested in||I've got a husband, but I like partying with my followers|
|Quotations||"I wanna dance—and love—and dance again."|
– Jennifer Lopez
"First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. "
– F. Scott Fitzgerald
"I would believe only in a God that knows how to dance."
– Friedrich Nietzsche
"Love is the flower that you've got to let grow."
– John Lennon
|Books||Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston (Janie's a strong woman, just like me.)|
Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare (Oh, Romeo, my Romeo, Horus of Edfu.)
Twilight by Stephenie Meyer (I'd love to see Edward with a Nile tan.)
Little Women by Louisa May Alcott (You go, girls!)
Smashed!: the Many Meanings of Intoxication and Drunkenness by Peter Kelly, Jenny Advocat, Lyn Harrison, and Christopher Hickey (My favorite meaning of "smashed" is "honoring Hathor.")
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray (I still don't understand men. Or male gods.)
The Secret Life of Cows by Glen Wexler and Eric Idle (They don't even know the tip of the cow-berg of what we do all day.)
The Tragedy of Antony and Cleopatra by William Shakespeare (Tragic love set in Egypt. What more can a goddess ask for?)
The Witches by Roald Dahl (Just because you're a woman and do magic doesn't mean you're a witch. Trust me.)
The Bacchae by Euripides (Getting drunk with dramatic consequences? Awesome.)
|Music||Anything that gets the party going, obvs.|
Tik Tok by Ke$ha (The party don't stop!)
Last Dance by Donna Summer (My first dance was before I could walk. I haven't done my last one yet.)
Love Drunk by Boys Like Girls (This is me every night. In love and tipsy.)
Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO (If this is the anthem, then I'm the "Party Rock.")
Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It) by Beyoncé (Horus liked it and put a ring on it.)
Stayin' Alive by The Bee Gees (I'm a goddess, so I can't help but stay alive.)
Just Dance by Lady Gaga (This is my motto.)
Lock You Down by Mya (Ladies, get a good man!)
|Movies||Gone with the Wind (Most romantic tale ever.) |
The Hangover (This is me every Sunday morning.)
Superbad (Who doesn't love high school boys crushing on girls?)
West Side Story (Gangs and love… danger and romance make a deadly combination.)
Cleopatra (One of my favorite queens played by one of my favorite actresses, Elizabeth Taylor.)
Grease (Best musical since I performed in front of the gods last millennium. You're the one that I want!)
Singin' in the Rain (You can also sing during the Nile flood.)
Chicago (Roxie Hart doesn't have anything on me.)
|TV Shows||Gossip Girl (Best. Fashions. Ever. OMG.) |
Gilmore Girls (As a goddess of mothers, I love this show.)
Smash (Dance and drama galore.)
Glee (I loved their Britney episode.)
Mother's Day celebrations
YouTube dance crazes
|Activities||Checking out the cosmetics aisles|
Grazing in a field with my cow pals
Getting my hair done
Going to wine bars
Double checking the sky to make sure all the stars are in place
Gods against Cow Tipping
I Survived This Year's Festival of Drunkenness
Sex, Drugs, and Ancient Egypt
All Sephora Addicts
Who Run the World? Girls