Die Heuning Pot Literature Guide
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Helen's Wall

Wall

Helen

Cocktail party tonight at our place! Woo!

Menelaus

Come one, come all, to finest villa in Elysium.

Agamemnon

I'm there, bro.

Achilles

Me too.

Odysseus

I'll bring Trivial Pursuit—I've been everywhere so I kind of rock at trivia.

Penelope

Please, honey, let's bring Apples to Apples. Everybody likes that better.

Helen

I <3 Apples to Apples!

Paris

Hey guys, mind if I join?

Menelaus

Um, are you kidding?

Helen

Wow, posting on my wall? Not cool, P.

Paris

Hey, we're all dead… what's the point of holding grudges?

Menelaus

Dude, you took off with my wife.

Achilles

And you killed me.

Helen

Plus, you totally didn't live up to my expectations.

Menelaus

Oh, I can hold a grudge. I can hold a grudge for a very long time.

Paris

Whatevs, what are you going do to me? Get Philoctetes to kill me again?

Menelaus

Lord Hades is a personal friend of mine, and I will have him throw you into Tartarus.

I am definitely not getting involved in this…

Helen

I wish my sister Clytemnestra would talk to me again…

Clytemnestra

Never.

Helen

Listen, it's not my fault that I was born prettier than you, okay?! Just get over it.

Clytemnestra

Seriously, that's what you think this is about?

Helen

What have I ever done to you?

Clytemnestra

Seriously? Because of you, Agamemnon had to sacrifice my daughter Iphigenia to get to Troy. Because of that, I killed him. And because of that, my son Orestes killed me.

Helen

Yeah, so your family has major issues. It's not my fault.

Helen

Deep thought for today: With great beauty, comes great responsibility.

Menelaus

Yeah, you're responsible for a whole lot of things.

Helen

Don't be grumpy, Mennypoo.

Menelaus

I can be grumpy if I want to.

Helen

Why can't we just leave the past behind us?

Paris

Yeah, let's leave the past behind.

Helen

Seriously, P, stay off of my wall!

Menelaus

Why do you always call him P?

Helen

Oh, just stop it Menelaus.

Hades

If you people don't stop bickering, I'm taking Cereberus for a little walk
in Elysium tonight.

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