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Hephaestus (Vulcan)

Hephaestus (Vulcan) is the god of fire, blacksmiths, stonemasons, technology, and volcanoes. Interestingly, he is also one of the very few gods who isn't a hottie. He's been called all sorts of things: short, misshapen, ugly, lame… It's enough to make a guy feel insecure. And insecure he is. His looks caused his mom, Hera, to toss him off of Mount Olympus when he was born, they caused Athena to reject his advances, and they cause his ultra-gorgeous wife, Aphrodite, to constantly cheat on him. Hephaestus may not be good looking, but he's famous for making beautiful and fabulous things. Aphrodite's girdle, Eros' bow and arrows of love, Achilles' impenetrable armor, and the sun-chariot of Helios are all the products of Hephaestus' forge.

Basic Information

NicknameVulcan, Vulcanus, Hephy, Mr. Smith
Current cityMount Olympus, though the island of Lemnos is like a second home

Work & Education

OccupationGod of Fire, Blacksmiths, Craftsmen, Technology, and Volcanoes


Political viewsI'm a Zeusian
Religious views

Family & Friends (& Enemies)

ParentsZeus (dad) and Hera (mom), or maybe Hera by herself, but she isn't much of a mom to me
SiblingsHebe, Ares, Eileithayia, Typhaon, The Kharites
ChildrenErichthonius (by Gaia)
Pandora (sort of… I made her)
EnemiesHera, my "loving" mother
Ares, my wife's lover


Relationship statusMarried (unhappily) to Aphrodite
Interested inMy wife (but she's not interested in me)


Quotations"Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one."
– Bill Gates

"Armor, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith."
– Ambrose Bierce

"The smith, a mighty man is he,
With large and sinewy hands;
And the muscles of his brawny arms
Are strong as iron bands."
– Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, "The Village Blacksmith"

"Don't dance on a volcano."
– French Proverb

"There is nothing more humiliating than loving someone so much that you forgive the infidelities."
– Princess Diana

"When you're a carpenter making a beautiful chest of drawers, you're not going to use a piece of plywood on the back, even though it faces the wall and nobody will ever see it. You'll know it's there, so you're going to use a beautiful piece of wood on the back."
– Steve Jobs
BooksPercy Jackson and the Olympians and The Heroes of Olympus series by Rick Riordan
The Geeks Shall Inherit The Earth by Alexandra Robbins
The Time Machine by H.G. Wells
When Your Lover is a Liar by Susan Forward
I, Robot by Isaac Asimov
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
Make magazine
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving
Backyard Blacksmith by Lorelei Sims
Fire and Ice by Robert Frost
MusicWhat Goes Around by Justin Timberlake
Forget You by Cee Lo Green
Lovefool by The Cardigans
Volcano by Jimmy Buffet
Your Cheatin' Heart by Hank Williams
Mother by John Lennon
I Heard It Through The Grapevine by Marvin Gaye
Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns N' Roses
Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash
MoviesRevenge of the Nerds
Napoleon Dynamite
Iron Man
Beauty and the Beast
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Joe Versus the Volcano
Dante's Peak
The Elephant Man
Star Wars
The X-Men movies
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
TV ShowsMade In America
Build It Bigger
Flying Anvils

Activities & Interests

LikesFlame throwers
Monster trucks
Volcanic eruptions
Power tools
Video games
Ugly dolls
ActivitiesForging things out of metal
Submitting patents for my latest inventions
Playing Ratchet & Clank
Playing the Portal games
Building stuff in Minecraft
Playing Dwarf Fortress
Playing Pixel Junk Monsters
Chasing after my cheating wife
Volcanology and plate tectonics
GroupsGods and Goddesses of Olympus
Modern Blacksmiths of America
Volcano Lovers
United Auto Workers
Victims of Infidelity Support Group
Nerds of Olympus

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