The ghost of Hippolyta was more than a little miffed after she was killed by her ex-husband, Theseus. Once she got settled in down in Elysium, she started a blog to vent some of her rage against Theseus and all the other men in the world.
Disclaimer: Hippolyta is a freelance blogger, and her opinions do not reflect those of Shmoop University.
The Amazonian Fist
This blog is dedicated to women. Let's make that strong women. I've got no time for all you male-worshiping ladies, prancing around in makeup and skinny jeans. For the record, you ladies make me sick. If you're not willing to kick every man out of your life and live totally free of the awful tyranny of the male sex, then you need to just surf on to the next blog, honey. Trust me, you will not like what you read.
Reasons Why Theseus and All Other Men Are Awful and Don't Deserve Joy, Happiness, or Anything Remotely Resembling Love:
- They are hairy.
- Even when they act like they love you, they don't. DO! NOT! BE! FOOLED!
- They lie—all of them, all the time.
- They think they're better warriors than women, but a trained female warrior can kick any man's butt any day of the week.
- They smell.
- They will leave you for another woman (like Phaedra, that jerk). It's inevitable.
- They are stupid.
- They only want one thing... to completely dominate you, making you feel small and helpless.
There's a lot of misinformation out there about me and the other Amazons. So I thought I'd open up a forum where people could ask anything they wanted. Go ahead, ladies!
Justaskin75: Is it true that Amazons used to make slaves of men and mate with them for procreation?
Hippolyta: Yeppers. And that's the way it should be.
Minotaurslayer: Wow. So the Amazon nation supports slavery? I think that's pretty awful.
Hippolyta: I know this is you, Theseus. You're not allowed to comment on my blog.
Minotaurslayer: I'm not your slave. I can do whatever I want.
Hippolyta: You kidnapped me and forced me to be yours. You have absolutely no ground to stand on here.
Wonderwheel: Did Amazon women really cut off their breasts so they didn't get in the way during battle?
Hippolyta: Some did, but not as many as the rumors say. I think our male enemies started exaggerating that trend just to further the idea that women who were warriors couldn't be inherently feminine. I'm here to tell you that idea is wrong. Just because we're tough, doesn't mean we can't be female.
Heracles: I always liked you Amazons because of that. I wish more women were as tough as you.
Hippolyta: I knew you respected me for what I was, Heracles. That's why I gave you my magic girdle.
Heracles: Sorry things got so out of hand. Hera definitely liked making my life difficult. It was a real tragedy when she told all those lies and riled the Amazons up to attack me. I didn't want to kill any of you...
Hippolyta: I know that, Heracles.
Antiope: What gives, sis?! You're forgiving this man. He was awful to so many of of the women in his day.
Hippolyta: Oh, yeah... Hey! Get off my blog, you male scum!
Hippolytaismean: Is it true that Amazon Queens make terrible wives because they don't know how to act like a real women and just do what they're told?
Hippolyta:- I know this is you, Theseus. If you keep this up, I will find your soul and drag it into Tartarus.