Contendings, Day 1
Finally, I'm going to get a chance to fight for the throne against my uncle Seth. I'm kind of confused. Some people say he's totally evil, and he's just trying to keep me from my rightful inheritance after he killed my father. That makes me so mad. Every time I see my mother crying about it, it just makes me want to find him and rip his stupid whatever-animal-they-are ears off. My parents never get to be together again, and he's to blame. Somebody has to punish him, right?
But then Thoth was telling me about how the dead needed a King, and that my father offered to do it, but in order to do it, he had to die. And Grandpa Ra says that Seth is the only god who's strong enough to kill another god, like when he kills Apophis every morning to make the dawn red. So, does that mean that Dad's death was a good thing? Does that make Seth a good god? Would he be a better king than me? I don't know.
When I was little, I just dreamed about getting even. I never thought it'd be this confusing. Maybe it'll be easier tomorrow when the challenges start. I'm going to kick his butt. Maybe I should kick his pig and his anteater, too. He has too many symbols.
Contendings, Year 18
I'm so beat. Instead of making me king right away like I thought he was going to do, once Thoth presented all the evidence, Ra decreed that my uncle and I are going to have to fight for it. Figures. So Seth and I have been doing all kinds of tests and challenges to see who's stronger and better and more worthy to be king. Lately, we've been working on tests of strength, but we keep ending up tied.
We did have one great contest, though. Seth challenged me to a boat race, so I made a wooden boat and covered it with stone-colored paint so it'd look like Dad's temple. It was really sharp. Seth, the big dummy, thought I actually made a boat out of stone, so—get this—he went out and carved a boat out of a mountain for himself. Of course, once we got out into the middle of the Nile, his boat sank! He was so mad. I thought it was hilarious. Even Thoth got that little ibis smile when he saw it.
Contendings, Year 34
How many years is this going to last? We changed into hippos and went to the bottom of the Nile to see who could hold our breath the longest. But Mom got all scared when we didn't come up for three months. Come on, I can hold my breath for at least six months! Anyway, she threw a harpoon in the water. Can you believe she hit me with it? So I yelled at her to knock it off, but then she sticks the harpoon back in the water and hits Seth. That was kind of cool.
Except then, she took it out when he yelled at her. Good going, Mom. I could've won that round. I was so mad that when Thoth called it a draw, that I swam up and found Mom on the beach and I ripped her head right off! I guess maybe I shouldn't have been so angry, but three months I was holding my breath there! I'd apologize, but I can't seem to find her body, though I've got her head in my bag.
Contendings, Year 69
Well, some crazy things happened this week. First, Ra and Thoth finally found Mom's body. I guess they were pretty mad. Thoth found a cow head to put on her shoulders, and then they all started looking for me, but once I got to the top of the mountain, I fell asleep. While I was sleeping, Seth found me and chopped out my eyes! Can you believe it? What a jerk. Everybody else was looking for me (not so luckily, because Ra wanted to ground me for ripping off Mom's head). When they found me, Hathor washed my face with milk and I could see again. Somehow. Even though Seth buried my eyes and they turned into lotuses.
I'm not even going to ask.
Contendings, Year 70
So Ra grounded me and ordered us to stop fighting while he wrote to Neith. She's the oldest goddess and everybody is terrified of her, but she's super smart and everybody listens to her advice. When Neith wrote back, she said I won! She said that Ra should give the throne to me right away. She ordered them to stop keeping me from my rightful inheritance, or she would make the sky crash into the ground. Dad sent a letter to the court, too, and threatened to send all the dead back to haunt everybody until I got the throne. I can't believe he'd do that for me.
Anyway, Seth was mad, but Neith gave him two pretty Canaanite goddesses to have as his wives, and she gave him thunder so he could scare everybody from the sky. And Ra gave him a job. So I think it's turning out okay for everybody, though I guess we'll see. I still miss my dad, and I hope I do a good job with his kingship…