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Yo—it's Io, the nymph who got turned into a big, white heifer. Zeus transformed Io into a cow to protect her from his wife Hera, when his wife almost busted in on him and Io in, ahem, a compromising position. Long story short: Zeus's ruse didn't work out well for Io. She ended up plodding all over the Earth in cow-form, while a nasty Hera-sent gadfly stung the crap out of her wherever she roamed. Eventually, Io ended up in Egypt, where Zeus finally transformed her back into a sexy nymph. Some say Io ended up becoming the mega-famous Egyptian goddess, Isis.

Basic Information

Current citySomewhere in Egypt (Memphis is nice this time of year…)

Work & Education

OccupationPriestess of Hera (fired)
Princess of Argos (according to some)
River Nymph
EducationSchool of Hard Knocks


Political viewsZeus is the worst. Actually, Hera's the worst.

Family & Friends (& Enemies)

ParentsInachus (Dad)
ChildrenEpaphus (a.k.a. Apis)
Friends Hermes (for freeing me from Argus)
EnemiesHera (who tortured me)
Argus Panoptes (my prison guard)
Gadflies (Only one stung me for years, but they all should be annihilated.)


Relationship statusFling with Zeus (which turned out pretty terribly)
Interested inNobody. Ever. Again.


Quotations"Who was the first guy that looked at a cow and said, 'I think that I'll drink whatever comes out of those things when I squeeze them'?"
– Calvin and Hobbes

"A fly, Sir, may sting a stately horse, and make him wince; but one is but an insect, and the other is a horse still."
– Samuel Johnson

"Wade in the water 
Wade in the water, children
Wade in the water
God's gonna trouble the water"
– from "Wade in the Water"

"Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day."
– Winnie the Pooh
BooksThe Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne (I know, Hester. Men are nothing but trouble.) 
"Her Kind" by Anne Sexton 
The Color Purple by Alice Walker 
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath (At least there's somebody out there sadder than me.)
Gulliver's Travels by Jonathan Swift 
"Alone" by Maya Angelou 
Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson 
Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
"I felt a Funeral, in my Brain" by Emily Dickinson
"The Negro Speaks of Rivers" by Langston Hughes 
MusicSet Fire to the Rain by Adele 
Ruin by Cat Power 
Blow Me (One Last Kiss) by Pink
Down to the River to Pray by Alison Krauss
I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) by the Proclaimers
Locked Out of Heaven by Bruno Mars 
Bottom of the River by Delta Rae 
Madness by Muse 
MoviesThe Wizard of Oz (There's no place like home, but some of us never get to go back.) 
Beasts of the Southern Wild 
Cloud Atlas 
The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo 
Spirited Away 
A River Runs Through It 
Forrest Gump 
Anna Karenina 
TV ShowsLaw and Order: Special Victims Unit
Cow and Chicken
River Monsters
Planet Earth

Activities & Interests

LikesOFF! (good for gadflies)
Dairy farms
Nile River tours
Egypt in general
ActivitiesSwimming in rivers
Wandering the Earth
Grazing in meadows (I still can't kick the habit.)
Animal Health studies
The Nymphs Fanclub
Wetland Conservation Society
Egypt's Sarcasm Society

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