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A Correspondence With Thoth

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Confusion

Thoth,

We've got to sort this out once and for all. I know we're cousins and all, but I don't think we need two gods of the moon. Technically, we've got even more lunar lords than that, as old Aah is sometimes called a moon god, too. What are we gonna do?

I think that we should figure out, once and for all, which one of us will be the god of the moon. Naturally, I think it should be me, since I'm young enough to keep up with every phase of the moon, but I understand if you want to submit it to a more formal process.

Your loving cuz,
Khonsu

To: moonman@iloveeg[email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: NO confusion

Dear Khonsu,

I think you've got it all wrong. I'm the real god of the moon here. I mean, we technically both have dominion over the moon, but I'm much more powerful than you are in general. After all, I'm also the god of wisdom. Therefore, I'm much smarter than you, so I'd be the best god to handle something as powerful and important as the moon.

In addition to all of that stuff, I invented writing! We wouldn't even be having this conversation if it weren't for me. I'm also the patron of all scribes and a judge in various conflicts.

Therefore, I declare myself to be an appropriate mediator in this conflict. I'll be the judge of who should be the god of the moon.

Hmm….what should I decide? :D

-Big T

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: That's unfair!

Thoth,

Just because a lot of people and gods call on you to judge their disputes doesn't mean you're impartial in this one! Let's go to a third party here. Let's be fair.

-Special K

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Here's what we'll do.

Khonsu, you child:

Guess what? I asked your father, Amun, and he said he trusted me enough to judge this case.

Because I know he'd be pretty pissed off if I took his son's powers from him, here's what we'll do.

We'll keep the status quo and both be gods of the moon. We can even keep old Aah as a moon god, too. After all, the moon's a pretty big blob in the sky. Why can't we all share it?

-Thoth

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Sounds good.

Thoth,

That's pretty generous! Thanks. I owe you one.

-Khonsu

Correspondence with Ramses II

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Help!!!

Dear Lord Khonsu,

I know I missed your last feast day, but I really need your help. As you might know, I fell in love with a woman from the Syrian area, someplace called Bakhtan. I brought her hope and made her my wife. Her name's Ra-Neferu and she's gorgeous.

There's just a little problem. We got word at court that Neferu's little sister, who was her best friend, is really sick. In fact, she's possessed by a demon! Neferu pled with me to do something to help her sister.

You have to understand, Lord Khonsu, that I love Neferu with all my heart. Well, her and my other wives, too. But I promised her I'd do anything, and my wife suggested I send your statue—since you're a great god of healing and all that stuff—to Bakhtan.

I came by your temple to ask you, but you were out at the time. Would you do this favor for me? Pleaaaase.

Love always,
Ramses

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Fine.

Ramses,

That's really quite rude of you to not even ask me first. I had plans this weekend! But I really do like you as a pharaoh and the kings of Egypt and I have a long history of helping each other out.

So I'll do what you're asking, but for a few favors. Here's what I'm asking for:

(1) A magic carpet to take me to Syria
(2) More goats sacrificed to me on my next feast day
(3) A fig cake

Sound good? In that case, I'll go to Syria and help you out.

-Khonsu

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Thank you so much!

Lord Khonsu,

You have no idea how much this all means to me. I'll do everything you ask and more.

Your loving servant,
Ramses

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: All's well that ends well.

Ramses,

I just got back from Syria today after four long years. Man, it's dry up there! Your sis-in-law's doing much better.

It took me seventeen months to even get there. After that, I met with the princess and shooed that demon out of her. That little spirit couldn't hold a candle to me. We got along well enough, actually, that the demon, the prince of Bakhtan, and I all had dinner together. After that, the demon went home.

What took me so long to get back, you might ask? That rascal of a brother-in-law of yours saw how powerful I am and wanted to keep me there! He shut my statue up in a closet for almost three years. But I slipped out of his grasp and flew home as a golden hawk. The prince realized I was gone and decided to honor me and send my statue home in a chariot with all sorts of gifts. So I'm finally home.

By the way, I expect those gifts the prince gave me to be dedicated to my temple.

-Khonsu

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