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Interview with Menelaus

We definitely feel a little bad for Menelaus sometimes. Sure, he was kind of a brute, but man did that wife of his give him some trouble. Shmoop’s crack team of P.I.s recently hacked into his texts, showing that his marital problems haven’t stopped even in the Underworld.

Menelaus’ Texts


                                       July 25 10:00 P.M.

Where are you?

                                       July 25 10:15 P.M.


                                       July 25 10:30 P.M.

I will launch a thousand ships
to find you. You know I’ll do

                                       July 25 11:00 P.M



Where are you at?!

                                                                  Elysium Casino.

Why didn’t you answer my

                                                                  Loud in here. Didn’t hear phone.

Who r u with?

The girls.

Which girls? Why are your
texts so short?

                                                                  Dido is here. Aeneas is chasing
                                                                  her around. Sooo funny.
                                                                  Queen Persephone is here with
                                                                  Hecate, making some kind of
                                                                  documentary. Iris showed up
                                                                  with the Harpies. You know
                                                                  they’re not really so bad, despite
                                                                  how ugly they are. There…are you
                                                                  happy? Was that a long enough
                                                                  text for you?

Don’t believe you. You’d
never hang out with Harpies.

                                                                  Hey, we were all born from eggs.
                                                                  We’ve got more in common than you’d think.
                                                                  Iris says her husband is texting the crap out
                                                                  of her, too. Get a life!

I’m dead. We both are.


Come home now.




                                      July 25 12:30 P.M.

                                                                  Hey, buddy boy. My Mom
                                                                  told me not to tell you, but
                                                                  I couldn’t resist. Just want
                                                                  you to know that you are
                                                                  currently being punished
                                                                  for being rude to her on your
                                                                  Fb waffle.


Punished how?

                                                                  Let’s just say Paris showed
                                                                  up at the casino tonight, and
                                                                  my magic arrows of love did
                                                                  their work all over again.


                                                                  :-) LOL


                                       July 25 1:30 A.M.

Still there?

                                                                  About to leave. The Harpies
                                                                  started pooping on everything.
                                                                  Maybe they aren’t so great.

Who are you with?

                                                                  Nobody. Leaving now.

Who are you with?

                                                                  You know, if you didn’t act like
                                                                  this, maybe I never would’ve
                                                                  run off with Paris to begin
                                                                  with. It wasn’t my infidelity
                                                                  that caused the Trojan War.
                                                                  It was yr jelly beans!



                                                                  Why can’t you trust me? It’s
                                                                  been thousands of years!

I’m outside. I see his chariot
in the parking lot. I know
you’re with him.

                                                                  Um...I can explain...

There will be WAR.

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