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Menelaus's Wall


Who’s got the best brother in the world? Me! That’s who.


I think I just threw up in my mouth.

Hey, he rounded up all of Greece to avenge my honor after your sister ran off with that pretty boy.


Yeah, and he sacrificed our daughter, Iphigenia, so that you could have your stupid revenge.

It had to be done.


Curse the house of Atreus! It was a dark day when you two showed up in Sparta! I wish Helen and I had never met you and your disgusting brother.

My brother is the bestest most awesomest brother in the whole wide world!

Menelaus, you embarrass both of us when you do this.

Agamemnon says that all of Elysium ought to show up tomorrow for the Veterans of the Trojan War Parade that we’re organizing.

Where’s it going to be again?

Downtown Elysium. The Street of Heroes. Noon. Don’t miss it.

You got it, pal.

How come the Trojans weren’t invited?

He has a point.

You guys lost. Losers don’t get to march.

Yeah, losers don’t get to march!

Don't type what I type.

That seems totally unfair.

And dishonorable.

What else would you expect from these two? They ordered that my body be left for the dogs. What kind of awful person does that?

Hey, don’t judge!

Ajax, you went insane and slaughtered a bunch of sheep thinking it was Agamemnon, Odysseus, and me!

You gave Achilles’ armor to Odysseus when clearly it should’ve gone to me!

Seriously, Ajax, will you let it drop?

Ugh, I don’t even want to have a stupid parade anymore.

All of you out there making fun of that YouTube video of me and Agamemnon singing “Call Me Maybe” can just shut up. It’s a good song, okay?

Right on, brother!

But why did you have to wear the booty shorts?




I hate you all.

I hope everybody was listening to Paris’ radio show yesterday when I called in. If not, just know that he truly revealed what a sniveling little turd-monkey he is.

That’s uncalled for.

Oh yeah? Well, why don’t you come and fight me then?

Hasn’t there been enough fighting? You brutish Greeks demolished my hometown, killed all the men, slaughtered our children, enslaved our women, and had your way with them...

Yeah, well maybe you shouldn’t have had your way with my wife!

You were never fit for her anyway, you ape.

Thank you, goddess.

Oh cool, you’re going to get this chick to stand up for you again? Like when she swooped you away on the battlefield right when I was about to skewer you.

I am not a chick. I am a goddess.

You are a cheap floozy who sold off my wife so that you could win a stupid beauty contest!

Hmmm... methinks a little divine retribution is in order.

I’m so there.

Smooth move, idiot.


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