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The Merry Wives of Windsor
The Merry Wives of Windsor
by William Shakespeare

The Merry Wives of Windsor Steaminess Rating

Exactly how steamy is this story?

R

Like just about every other Shakespeare play, The Merry Wives of Windsor is chock-full of dirty jokes and sexual innuendo.

But, unless you're the kind of person who would enjoy watching this guy try to seduce your mom and her best friend, don't get too excited. The main plot involves an old, out-of-shape, booze-fueled con artist who spends 99% of his time trying to hook up with two housewives. 

Sure, there's a ton of R-rated talk in this play, but it's more raunchy and hilarious than it is steamy. Check out the scene where Falstaff puts on a pair of deer antlers and meets Mistress Ford and Mistress Page in the forest, thinking he's about to get lucky:

MISTRESS FORD
Sir John! art thou there, my deer? my male deer?

Translation: Oh, John! I love that kinky deer get-up you're wearing. By the way, I'm going to call you my "deer" because you're my "dear" and you're also wearing a pair of horns on your head. Get it?

FALSTAFF
My doe with the black scut!
Let the sky rain
potatoes; let it thunder to the tune of Green
Sleeves, hail kissing-comfits and snow eringoes; let
there come a tempest of provocation, I will shelter me here.

Translation: My doe with black pubic hair! (See? I love a good pun, too!) I feel like an animal in heat right now… and for some reason, I'm also really hungry!

MISTRESS FORD
Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart.

Translation: Let's have a threesome with Mistress Page.

FALSTAFF
Divide me like a bribe buck, each a haunch:
(5.5.14-21)

Translation: Yes! I love threesomes, especially when they involve role-playing. I'll pretend to be a "buck" while you two pretend to be ravenous hunters.

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