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Interview with Neith

NileSport with your host, Jack L. Hotep

Host: Good evening, Egyptians! It's me, Jack L. Hotep, and it's time once again for NileSport!

[The theme music plays and the live audience applauds.]
Host: Thank you, thank you. It's great to see everybody again! Tonight, as part of our seasonal celebration of all things sporty, we've got a very special guest. Coming to us straight from the Duat, it's the elder lady who makes our best mortal athletes look like a bunch of toddlers. Please put your hands together to welcome the Great Goddess Neith!

[A tall woman in a red dress enters from the side of the stage to thunderous applause. The hint of a smile crosses her face as she bows politely to the audience and takes the empty chair next to Jack L. Hotep.]
Host: Thank you so much, Neith, for joining us on NileSport. I have to say this is the best part of my job, interviewing important athletes and powerful people. And now I get to interview the one they all owe their strength and talent to!

Neith: Thanks, but flattery isn't going to impress me.

Host: I wasn't— uh. Sorry. [Looks down at his notes]

Neith: That wasn't mean to intimidate you. I just don't really have much time for foolishness.

Host: [Laughs aloud, then jumps at Neith's irritated expression] Oh! Well, I thought you were making a joke—you know, goddess of time doesn't have time for—well. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry.

Neith: So you have questions for me.

Host: Yes! I mean, no! These are all silly questions. Maybe it'd be better if you just talked to me about what you thought was important? I mean, I wouldn't want to waste your time or anything….

Neith: Targets.

Host: Targets?

Neith: Yes. Targets. It's always important to make sure you know what your target is.

Host: Oh! We're talking archery. [Turns to the audience and smiles again.] You know, Neith is the best archer in the history of Egypt. She invented the bow and arrow! Doesn't get any more talented than that— [looks at Neith's frown and gulps] Yeah. Sorry. Flattery.

Neith: I'm talking about archery, yes. But I'm also talking about magic—and life. If you want something, whether you're hunting or whether you're pushing your body to the limit, you need to know your goals. You need to know your target, so you can hit it when the time is right.

Host: Wow. That's profound.

[The audience murmurs in agreement. It's clear that everybody is afraid to anger Neith with anything that sounds like flattery.]
Neith: Of course, the alternative is to let it pass you by, and then you just spend your life as some washed-up mortal who took an arrow to the knee. [She bursts into laughter.]

Host: Is that a joke? Are you joking? [Starts to grin as Neith keeps laughing, then joins her in laughter. Slowly at first, the audience also joins.]
Neith: Oh, that Internet. You come up with the funniest things. Enough laughter. I have a universe to run. Are we done here?

Host: Well, we wouldn't want to interfere with your job! Thank you so much, Lady Neith, for joining us on NileSport today. We'll all be sure to remember your wise advice about targets.

Neith: Good. Because then, I won't have to target you.

[Jack L. Hotep looks terrified, then blinks when Neith slaps him on the back, laughing some more.]
Host: Oh! Another joke! [Laughs.] Let's hear it for Neith, everybody!

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