Hey, everyone. Nuada here, king of the Tuatha de Danann. I'm the king of a magical people that rules over Ireland and I've had that position for a whopping seven years at this point. I figured it was about time I started keeping some sort of record for posterity, so here you go: Nuada's Battlefield Blog.
We're about to face off against the Fir Bolg, a nasty group of peeps that also live in Ireland. Technically, we're the invaders, since they were here first, but that's not superimportant. After all, we're magical and uber-special, so we figured we might as well go for it. The Fir Bolg's leader, Eochaid, prophesied that the Tuatha de Danann would challenge the FBs. Glad we're here to fulfill our duty.
Just to let all the pacifists know: I tried to parley with the Fir Bolg. I sent them a messenger, saying we'd avoid slaughtering them in battle if they agreed to surrender half of Ireland to the Tuatha de Danann. They didn't agree, though. Let's get ready to rumbleeeee!
Ow! That's all I can say after the battle of Mag Tuired, where we Tuatha de Danann faced off against the Fir Bolg. For one, I'm now missing a hand. Ugh.
Let me back up and explain a bit. The Tuatha de Danann faced off courageously in battle against the Fir Bolg. I had twelve princes from far-away Scythia as my bodyguards, no less. Dagda and the rest marched behind—we were looking like the second coming of the Greeks in the Trojan War.
The problem came with Sreng, one of the Fir Bolg. Sreng killed over 150 of the TDD before anyone got to him. Finally, Sreng and I got a chance to face off against each other. We got into a one-on-one fight, and he chopped off my right arm. I screamed in pain, and Dagda came and stood over me until the TDD could get me away to safety behind our lines.
When we eventually got back behind Tuatha de Danann lines, Dagda had some really bad news for me. He told me that the TDD had a rarely-used rule, but one that finally had to kick in now: for some reason, no ruling king could ever be "blemished," meaning no king could have something significantly physically wrong with him—like a missing hand.
Anyway, that means I can't be king anymore. What am I going to do with myself? I might take up knitting… More than that, who will be the next king of the Tuatha de Danann? Who can host weekly movie nights like I can? Who can coordinate festivals complete with brisket and roast beef? Only time will tell.
Man, I'm glad I have the other TDD to help me out. After I got kicked out of being king, the TDD elected a half-Fomorian, half-Tuatha de Danann kid named Bres the Beautiful. He might be pretty on the outside, but not necessarily on the inside. Still, the TDD hoped that allying themselves with the Fomorians would create less hostility in Ireland. The Fomorians weren't feeling it, though, since they taxed the Tuatha de Danann into oblivion.
The final straw was Bres's disrespect to our bards. Bres didn't allow Cairbre, a famous bard, any of the customary honors; he stuck him in a dirty corner of the palace at Tara. Finally, the TDD got fed up and they decided to come up with a solution to put me back in as the TDD's king. They got Dian Cecht, the god of healing, and his family to get to work on fashioning a prosthetic hand for me. Dian and his son, Miach, crafted a gorgeous mano made out of silver. It fit perfectly.
Sounds like a total Cinderella story, right? Well, unfortunately, that silver arm didn't make me perfect enough to be king. So Miach made me a new hand—out of human flesh! It was great—except for the fact that Dian got so jealous of his son's prowess that he killed Miach. Blah.
That aside, I was able to challenge Bres for the kingship—and I won. Bres stalked off to the Fomorian part of the island and sulked. He complained to the Fomorian Balor, who got pissed off on Bres's behalf.
I'm so glad I'm back at Tara. Especially now that I met my new BFF, Lugh. He's Balor's grandson, but he's pretty awesome. We play chess together, practice swordfighting, and have harp-playing contests. Bro time!
This is Lugh writing. I'm so sorry to say that our great king, Nuada of the Silver Hand, was killed in a battle against the Fomorians. Here's what went down:
One day, we could see an army riding up to us in Tara from far, far away. It was the Fomorians, led by the evil Balor. We fought as fiercely as possible, but Balor killed Nuada in battle. Morrigu, the goddess of war who takes the shape of a raven or crow, hovered over us to help protect everyone, but even she couldn't help the king of the Tuatha de Danann out. To avenge our king, I killed Balor in battle.
Rest in peace, Nuada.