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(Telemachos:) ‘We went to Pylos, and to Nestor, shepherd of the people, and he, in his high house, gave me hospitality, and loving free attention, as a father would to his own beloved son, who was newly arrived from a long voyage elsewhere. So he freely took care of me, with his own glorious children.’ (17.109-113)
Telemachos himself is treated as family when in fact he is only a guest.
[Melanthios] recklessly lashed out with his heel to the hip, but failed to knock him out of the pathway, for Odysseus stood it, unshaken, while he pondered within him whether to go for him with his cudgel, and take the life from him or pick him up like a jug and break his head on the ground. Yet still he stood it, and kept it all inside him. (17.233-238)
Odysseus controls his raging dignity. He takes offense at being touched so offensively by a lonely goatherd, but reins in his pride long enough to keep his crucial secret.
Around him the haughty suitors clustered. They all were speaking him fair, but in the depth of their hearts were devising evils. (17.65-66)
Here's the difference between Odysseus's deception and the suitors': he devises ways to save himself; they devise ways to kill their host. Big difference.