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Interview with Orpheus

Orpheus: Live from Elysium

The following is a transcript of one of Orpheus' live concerts from the Elysian Dome, the biggest performance venue in the city of Elysium, home of the blessed dead. This concert is now legendary throughout the Underworld—and not just because of the music.

[The Muses dance and sing on stage at the Elysian Dome. A crowd of thousands of dead souls clap and sing along. The Muses finish their set with a dramatic dance move and one long note held out in nine-part harmony.]

Muses: Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

[The crowd goes wild. Calliope, the chief Muse, steps forward and grips the mic.]

Calliope: Thank you, thank you. You're a great crowd. It's no wonder they call Elysium the city of the blessed.

[The crowd roars some more.]

Calliope: So, are you guys ready for the main act?


Calliope: Well, here he is folks: my beautiful son, Orpheus!

[The sound of a single lyre is heard. The music is unspeakably beautiful. A unified scream erupts from the audience.

A shaft of light streaks down from the top of the stage. Orpheus is silhouetted in a haze of golden smoke. He steps up to the mic with his fingers still racing over the strings of the lyre.]

Orpheus: This is a song I wrote not long after my first trip to the Underworld. It goes out to my lovely wife Eurydice, who I failed to bring back to the land of the living. Love you, boo!

Eurydice: [from offstage] I still love you, Orphy. We're together now!

Orpheus: Yes we are. If there's a good reason to get dismembered by Maenads, it's you.

Eurydice: I'm flattered... I think.

Orpheus: I wrote this song for you, baby.

[Orpheus closes eyes and presses his lips close to the microphone. He begins singing in a high, pure voice.]

Orpheus: [singing]
Don't look back.
Though her beauty makes you weep,
You can't look back
Or you may lose her to the deep.

I didn't want to leave you.
You weren't made for the dark.
I didn't want to—

[Suddenly, the grey sky is clouded with dark, bird-like shapes. Mesmerizing singing fills the stadium. Orpheus stops singing and looks up.]

Orpheus: Well folks, it looks like we have an unwelcome guest act.

[The Muses run back on stage.]

Calliope: Sirens!

[The bird women all begin speaking in eerie unison.]

Sirens: We've come for you, Orpheus—we haven't forgotten the way you rudely interrupted our act while you were on the Argo. And Muses, don't think you're safe—that whole feather-plucking fiasco isn't water under the bridge!

[Orpheus turns to his mother.]

Orpheus: I've never seen so many of them. They must've laid a lot of eggs since my days as an Argonaut.

Calliope: I wish we'd plucked them bald.

[The hypnotic song of the Sirens grows louder. Suddenly, the face of every soul in the audience goes blank.]

Sirens: [singing]

Throw, throw,
Throw yourselves upon them
Crash, crash,
Like the wave upon the rock

[The audience looks at Orpheus and the Muses with a homicidal light in its eyes. The entire stadium full of spirits begins to surge towards the stage.]

Orpheus: This can't end well.

[Eurydice runs on stage.] 

Eurydice: You have to play, Orpheus!

Orpheus: But there's so many of them!

Eurydice: Do it for me...

[Eurydice plants a big kiss on her husband's lips.]

Orpheus: I won't fail you again, Eurydice.

[Orpheus' hands race over the lyre.]

Orpheus: Join me! Muses! Eurydice! We need one single pure note to pierce the Siren's song.

[They all huddle together as a great wave of souls and Sirens crests above them and prepares to crash on the stage.]

Orpheus/Muses/Eurydice: Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

[The wave stops moving forward.]

Sirens: Nooo!

[The eyes of every soul begin to shed tears. Even the rocks they're standing on are moved.]

Sirens: We won't be defeated again!

Orpheus/Muses/Eurydice: Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

[With a discordant screech, the Sirens scatter into the grey Underworld sky.]

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