It's time to tune in to Wake Up Mount Olympus, your source for all the news that's fit for TV, with your host Lady Pheme, goddess of gossip and fame.
Lady Pheme: Good morning, Mount Olympus! We're excited to bring you a truly amazing guest today. Before Achilles, before Heracles, before Theseus... there was the granddaddy of all Greek heroes... there was Perseus!
The audience applauds enthusiastically.
Perseus flies in on winged sandals, holding the head of Medusa.
One of the cameramen screams and turns to stone.
The audience shrieks in terror.
Lady Pheme: Everybody down! Don't look! Don't look!
Two security guards jump on Perseus and drag him to the ground.
Security Guard: Put it away, sir. Put it away!
Perseus: Oh, my bad. So, so, sorry...
Perseus shoves Medusa's head into the kibisis, a bag.
Lady Pheme: Well, Perseus that was quite an entrance. What... did it slip your mind that Medusa's head turns people into stone?
Perseus: I do apologize. I've been holding this head up in the sky for so long, that I kind of forgot about it.
Lady Pheme: Hmm, yes. Well, welcome, I suppose.
Perseus: Thanks, Pheme.
Lady Pheme: I see you're wearing Hermes' winged sandals. I thought you gave those back to him after you completed your quest for Medusa's head.
Perseus: Oh, I did, but he let me borrow them for my appearance on the show.
Lady Pheme: How does it feel to be wearing the old sandals again?
Perseus: If feels great, I have to say. It's like hanging out with old friends. I never could've decapitated Medusa, annihilated Cetus, and rescued Andromeda without them.
Lady Pheme: And how is Andromeda these days?
Perseus: Oh, she's great. She's way more into being a constellation than I am.
Lady Pheme: You're not a fan? I bet you get great views up there.
Perseus: Yeah, it's just kind of dull, you know. I totally miss the old days.
Lady Pheme: Why don't you tell us a bit about the old days. How did it all start?
Perseus: Well, it all began when my Granddad, Acrisius, King of Argos, decided to go to an oracle. Granddad was frustrated because he hadn't been able to have a son, only a daughter named Danae. (Hi mom!) As is almost always the way with oracles, he definitely didn't hear the thing he wanted to hear. Instead of being told, "Don't worry Acrisius. You've got a dozen strapping young sons on the way," the oracle was like, "You're not going to have any sons, and one day your daughter's son will kill you."
Lady Pheme: Oh my! Did the prophecy come true? Did you kill your grandfather?
Perseus: Well, we're getting ahead of ourselves again, but yeah... It was a total accident though.
Lady Pheme: Like when you turned my cameraman to stone?
Perseus: Umm, something like that. I threw a discus and accidentally hit him in the head. That was a long time after all my adventures were done, though. Wasn't that what we were talking about?
Lady Pheme: Yes.
Perseus: You know, I'm sensing a lot of attitude from you.
Lady Pheme: So sorry. Go on.
Perseus: Anyway, Acrisius was more than a little bummed out after his little visit to the oracle. He decided the only way to deal with it was to lock up my mom, so that she could never have a baby. Unfortunately for Granddad, my mom caught the eye of Zeus. The king of the gods came to her as a shower of gold and impregnated her with yours truly. Acrisisus was none too pleased when I was born. So, he locked me and Mom in a chest and tossed us into the sea.
Lady Pheme: I can't say that I blame him.
Perseus: You know what. This interview is over.
Lady Pheme: Wait... Perseus... wait... It's just that was the best cameraman I've ever had. He knew how to make me look really gorgeous.
Perseus: No. NO! I'm done. Do you know who I am? I am Perseus. Have seen Clash of the Titans? Do you know how famous I am? I am a total rock star.
Lady Pheme: Perseus... no wait...
Perseus: I never liked your show anyway.
Perseus flies away.
Lady Pheme: Oh, yeah! Yeah? Well, that's why everybody likes Heracles better than you!
Medusa's head falls from the sky.
The entire audience turns to stone.