A Correspondence with the Caucasus International Park Service
Dear Mr. Prometheus,
It has come to our attention that you have parked your Winnebago for some time now within the grounds of the Caucus Mountain International Reserve. We were at first quite surprised to hear that you were once again within our grounds. When Heracles freed you from the rock you were chained to here, you swore you would never return. And we assumed you would never have any desire to return to a place where you experienced so much pain.
In any case, since your return to our region, we have noticed a dramatic decline in the extremely rare liver-eating eagle, which is native to our region. We know these are the very birds that Zeus sent to torment you for all those years, and we can't help but wonder if perhaps you might be responsible for their disappearance. Please understand that we have the utmost respect for you, but we must ask you to desist in the slaughter of these endangered creatures if you are in any way responsible.
The Director of Caucasus International Park Service, Endangered Species Unit
Look, Mr. Director man. I made you people out of clay. I suffered for centuries because I gave you fire. If I want to eradicate every single one of these wicked eagles, I'm going to do it.
Well, I'm telling Zeus.
A Correspondence with Zeus
Ever since Heracles released me from the horrible torture you put me through, I've been doing a lot of touring around the world in my Winnebago. To put it to you bluntly, Your Highness, I think you really messed the Earth up.
Was it really necessary to punish mankind by creating Pandora and giving her that jar of evil that you knew she would open? Humanity was a fabulous creation and you had no right to make their existence on Earth so horrible. I don't know how you sleep at night.
Oh, how I miss your little tirades. For the record, I don't care what you think. Man needs suffering. It makes them stronger. So get over it.
By the way, here's a little something for you to think about. You're the god of foresight, right? Well, if you know everything that's going to happen, then weren't you already aware of what I would do if you gave men fire?
Yeah, I got you on that one, don't I? In a way, you're the one who caused all of their suffering. Take that, "champion of man."
You know what I foresee? One day somebody is going to take you down.
Prometheus, if I were at all intimidated by you, I would chain you right back up to that rock, and have a flock of eagles feast on you everyday. By the way, you really have to stop killing them. Word is getting around, and your do-gooder reputation is getting seriously stained.
I hate you so much.