It's that time again! Every Sunday evening, Joe-hotep is your host for Kemet Tonight, interviewing the most interesting people in the Two Lands.
Joe-hotep: Welcome to Kemet Tonight. This week, we have a very special guest. Coming to us straight from sunset, the almighty Lord of All That He Encircles is granting us an exclusive interview! That's right, Ra, great god of the Boat of Millions of Years, is on his way into the studio. Now, if you'd please all put on those sunglasses that you found in an envelope on your chair when you came in…
[The camera cuts to show the audience putting on very dark sunglasses, and then back to Joe-hotep as he does the same.]
Hope you wore enough sunblock! Here he is, Lord Ra!
[The camera cuts to the edge of the stage, where a bright light is glowing, hotter and hotter, until the entire screen is filled with bright white light.]
First cameraman: Ow! Ow! Whoa, turn it down a little, can we—
Second cameraman: Sun filters, guys.
[Sounds of something being put on the cameras, and then the studio and Joe-hotep's desk reappears, in a sort of blue-screen tone.]
Joe-hotep: You guys all right over there?
Both cameramen: We can see now.
Voice from offstage: I haven't even come out yet.
Joe-hotep [looking horrified]: Oh! I'm so sorry, Your Majesty! Please! Please, everybody…. WELCOME, LORD RA!
[A tall man with the head of a falcon emerges from the side of the stage and comes to sit in the chair next to Joe-hotep, to thunderous applause. Even in sunglasses, the host and the audience appear to be squinting, and the blue-screen of the cameras still has a bright radiance.]
Joe-hotep [bowing]: Welcome to Kemet Tonight, Your Majesty. It's such a pleasure to have you on the show.
Ra: I'm glad it's after dark, otherwise I wouldn't be able to be here. Day job, you know. [Chuckle.] Are you all right?
Joe-hotep: Yes, it's just a little… bright. Sorry.
Ra: One moment. [He takes a deep breath, and the radiance seems to lessen.] How's that?
Joe-hotep: Much better. Thank you so much, Your Majesty. It's not every day the sun comes to the show. I'm almost not sure what to talk with you about!
Ra: Oh, you can talk to me about anything. I don't have any secrets anymore. Thanks to Isis.
Joe-hotep: I bet she's a handful.
Ra: Only one? [Laughs]
Joe-hotep: I recall that you didn't want her to be born.
Ra [frowns]: Not her or any of her siblings. Nut is supposed to be holding up the atmosphere so I have somewhere to steer the sun. Not having babies. I was very disappointed to learn she and Geb had disobeyed me.
Joe-hotep: We heard that you ordered her not to give birth on any day of the year.
Ra: That's right. No way those kids were going to have birthdays.
Joe-hotep: Except they did.
Ra: Yes. Thoth went behind my back and arranged to create five extra days, so they each had a birthday. I haven't spoken to him since. How dare he?
Joe-hotep: It was unfortunate, yet at the same time, you can't deny that those five gods have added much to our world. We thought maybe it was time to get past that. [Looks at the audience] Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Thoth to the show!
[Applause and cheering. Thoth appears from the other side of the stage, and comes to sit next to an astonished and angry Ra.]
Joe-hotep: Thank you so much for being here tonight, Thoth.
Thoth: You are welcome. [Turns to Ra] I am sorry, Your Majesty, I never meant to offend you by asking the Moon for extra days.
Ra: Of course you didn't, but you did it anyway! How dare you show your face here, during my interview! Did you arrange this, too?
Thoth: Actually, yes, I did. I think it's time that we got past our differences—
Ra: You disobeyed me! That's not a difference, it's—
Thoth: It needed to be done, otherwise there would have been grievous—
Joe-hotep: Great ones, please. Please don't fight. We brought you both here in the hopes that we could get past this and make peace between you.
Ra [glaring and crossing his arms]: I'm listening.
Joe-hotep: Thoth told us that without those five extra days, the year was too short. Eventually, the sun would end up in the wrong part of the sky and the wrong season. It would be total chaos! It would ruin everything.
Ra [looks over at Thoth]: Is this true?
Thoth: The year must be 365 days long, that's my calculation. Twelve months of 30 days is only 360 days. Nut's children had to be born to save the universe. Trust me.
Ra [shakes his head sadly at Thoth]: You should have told me this, instead of going behind my back, but… thank you. I'm glad that you made sure the sun was safe.
Thoth: It's my job, sir. Can you forgive me?
Ra: Of course.
[The gods shake hands, and then hug. The crowd cheers.]
Joe-hotep: That's right. Ra and Thoth are friends again, and you saw it here first—on Kemet Tonight!