Rivers are damp; (line 2)
The speaker explores some of the downsides of her listed options with a tongue-in-cheek sort of irony. She's not opposed to rivers because, for example, drowning is terrifying. Nope, she's opposed to rivers because they are "damp."
And drugs cause cramp; (line 4)
Sure, this line occurs halfway through the poem, but it's the only line that contains (let alone begins with) "and." This word choice signals that Parker wants us to think of all of the things she's listing as options that could be weighed against each other.