by Dorothy Parker
We like to think of our speaker as that chain-smokin', red-lipstick-wearin' friend of yours who tells the most outrageous stories without even cracking a smile. After all, who else could casually contemplate all of the ways of committing suicide before deciding that it just isn't worth the hassle?
Our speaker may be morbid, but she's got a sense of humor. She looks death square in the eye (over and over and over) and she finds the silly, odd, or just plain weird aspects of going through with a suicide plan.
Oh, and she's a law-abiding citizen. Don't even try to ask her to buy a gun.