Interview with Sekhmet
The following is a transcript of the recording of Sekhmet's latest anger management therapy session with ancient Egypt's most famous doctor, Imhotep.
[Loud growling, as if from a lion]
Dr. Imhotep: That's good. Very good. Get it out! Let it all out.
Dr. Imhotep: Yes, yes. Let it out. All that rage, all that anger. Let it all out.
Sekhmet: [snarling] You terrible, horrible, nasty evil people! Murderers, thieves, and liars! I'll slaughter you all! I'll tear your heads off! I'll chew on your feet! I'll kill you and then ask my father to resurrect you so I can kill you again!
[More unintelligible words, followed by more snarling, and then after a few minutes, silence]
Dr. Imhotep: There. How does that feel?
Sekhmet: Better. I don't want to chew on you as much now.
Dr. Imhotep: What?! I didn't do anything wrong. All I wanted to do was let you get out all that pent-up anger, so you can feel better—
Sekhmet: You didn't do anything wrong. I just like killing people.
Dr. Imhotep: Well. Do you have any idea why you like killing people?
Sekhmet: I started doing it because Ra ordered me to, but then it changed.
Dr. Imhotep: Go on.
Sekhmet: There's something about the way your blood tastes. Mmmm, blood….
[Sounds of a chair crashing and Dr. Imhotep yelping in surprise]
Dr. Imhotep: Sekhmet! Get off me! Get off me right this instant!
[More sounds of the chair being set upright and the doctor scribbling furiously]
Sekhmet: Wow, I'm sorry about that, Doctor. I didn't mean to jump on you like that, you just smelled really good, and—
Dr. Imhotep: You need to understand that you have to respect human boundaries. You can't just go jumping on top of people and gnawing their faces off.
Sekhmet: Even if Ra tells me to?
Dr. Imhotep: Even if—wait a minute, when did Ra tell you to gnaw my face off?
Sekhmet: He didn't. I was just wondering if you mean I'm supposed to disobey my father's commands. Because I really don't want to disappoint him.
Dr. Imhotep: Of course not, of course not. Ra's commands are law. But did Ra tell you to attack me just now?
Dr. Imhotep: All right then. When you aren't being ordered to slaughter mankind indiscriminately—
Sekhmet: He told me I can only slaughter evil people. I'd hardly call that indiscriminate.
Dr. Imhotep: That's not the point.
Sekhmet: But it's true. Truth is very important to me. When people don't tell the truth, I get angry, and when I get angry I—
Dr. Imhotep: (nervously) Yes. I understand. Let me rephrase. You need to respect human boundaries, Sekhmet. Unless Ra tells you to, you can't hurt people anymore.
Sekhmet: No drinking their blood and stomping on them?
Dr. Imhotep: No drinking their blood and stomping on them.
Sekhmet: No dragging their corpses through the desert?
Dr. Imhotep: No dragging their corpses through the desert.
Sekhmet: What if I'm angry?
Dr. Imhotep: What do you usually do when you're angry? Can't you control your anger?
Sekhmet: Not really.
Dr. Imhotep: Then how do you stop being angry?
Sekhmet: I drink.
Dr. Imhotep: You drink.
Sekhmet: Yes. Red beer.
Dr. Imhotep: Why red beer?
Sekhmet: Because it looks like blood.
Dr. Imhotep: I see. How much of this red beer do you drink?
Sekhmet: Well, Dad had my priestesses make enough to create a lake outside Hierakonpolis….
Dr. Imhotep: You drank a lake of red beer?
Sekhmet: I think so. I don't really remember.
Dr. Imhotep: Were you angry after you… drank the lake?
Sekhmet: Oh no, no. Then I was Hathor.
Dr. Imhotep: [sounding confused] Hathor is your sister.
Sekhmet: No, Hathor is me. When I'm not angry.
Dr. Imhotep: This is fascinating. I had no idea gods could have multiple personalities. So, you believe that you are Hathor when you are drunk?
Sekhmet: [sounding irritated] No, I was Hathor before I got angry, and then when I got drunk, I fell asleep and I turned back into Hathor again.
Dr. Imhotep: But you're not angry now. Why aren't you Hathor?
Sekhmet: I'm a little angry. I'm angry all the time, Doctor. It's what I am.
Dr. Imhotep: But you aren't angry now, not like you were at the beginning of the session.
Sekhmet: Are you calling me a liar?
Dr. Imhotep: Of course not. I was just saying—
Sekhmet: [voice rising to a growl] Nobody calls me a liar. Do you hear me?
Dr. Imhotep: Wait! I didn't mean to suggest you were lying! Don't look at me like that!
Sekhmet: I wonder if Ra will mind—
Dr. Imhotep: Yes! Ra will mind! I'm not evil! I'm trying to help you deal with your anger!
Sekhmet: [growling and laughing] Then sit still!
[The rest of the tape is filled with growls and screams]