Have you ever seen a mummy in its tomb? Cool, right? But have you ever noticed—near the coffin—four jars with either kings' heads or animal heads for lids? Those are the Four Sons of Horus: Imsety, Duamutef, Hapy, and Qebhsenuef, uniting like an underworld Voltron to protect a dead person from danger. Each one is in charge of a different mummified organ, and they carry them inside their magic cookie jar bodies. Yeah, these cookie jars are filled with guts. Yuck.
|Name||Four Sons of Horus|
|Nickname||Our real names: Imsety (Imset), Duamutef, Hapy (or Hapi, not the same guy as the god of the Nile), and Qebhsenuef (Kebsenuef)|
Gods of the Canopic Jars
The Four Jars of the Apocalypse
|Current city||Duat (Osiris's afterworld, before his throne)|
|Occupation||Keeping every mummy's vital organs safe:|
Qebhsenuef: large intestines
|Education||Anubis and Sokar Funerary School|
|Political views||We serve Osiris and Horus|
|Parents||Horus the Younger (father, even though he's a kid. Weird.) Some say our mother is Isis, but ew?|
|Friends||Osiris, Isis, Nephthys, Horus the Younger, Anubis, Sokar, Serqet, Neith|
|Enemies||Jackals, tomb robbers, grave rot|
|Interested in||Nobody. We're kids and we're jars.|
|Quotations||"No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet, death is the destination we all share." |
– Steve Jobs
"When I hear somebody sigh, 'life is hard,' I'm always tempted to ask: 'compared to what?'"
– Sydney J. Harris
"Is it a sin to rush into the secret house of death, ere death dare come to us?"
– Shakespeare, Antony and Cleopatra "When Kingdom come, you ready?"
– Jay-Z, "Kingdom Come"
"I want to live where soul meets body… and feel what it's like to be new."
– Death Cab for Cutie, "Soul Meets Body"
|Books||Afterwards by Thomas Hardy|
So gloomy. Sheesh. It's not so bad here.
"Because I could not stop for death" by Emily Dickinson
Um, yes, Emily. Yes, you could.
As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
There are four of us, and even we were confused by all the different narrators.
"The Pit and the Pendulum" by Edgar Allan Poe
Okay, so maybe dying isn't usually recommended to be this exciting or scary. But that pendulum sure would make our jobs easier.
Does This Mean You'll See Me Naked?: Field Notes from a Funeral Director by Robert Webster
We just hold on to your organs until you need them next, but we're sure you have other questions. This guy can help.
Do Funerals Matter?: The Purposes and Practices of Death Rituals in Global Perspective by William G. Hoy
We might've started the funeral business in ancient Egypt, but you people have certainly gone on to great things.
Embalming: History, Theory, and Practice by Robert Mayer
We're going to use this one for the textbook in our new online class.
The Anatomy Coloring Book by Wynn Kapit and Lawrence M. Elson
In order to do a proper mummification, you have to know where the body parts are. This helps.
The Mummy in Ancient Egypt: Equipping the Dead for Eternity by Salima Ikram and Aidan Dodson
How to get to the afterlife in a bunch of pieces.
|Music||Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen|
There are just enough of us to make this sound goooood. We let Hapy sing the main part. He's got the lungs for it.
Amazing Grace by John Newton
You'd think we'd be sick of this one by now, as many times as we hear it at funerals. But it's beautiful. Especially when Duamutef belts it out on the bagpipes.
Help I'm Alive by Metric
We can fix that.
Stayin' Alive by the Bee Gees
Ah ah ah ah….
Rob Zombie is kinda awesome for a living guy. We play his music in the prep room.
Catch My Breath by Kelly Clarkson
Not sure why she's having such a hard time breathing. Hapy hasn't taken her lungs yet.
Re: Your Brains by Jonathan Coulton
We're not unreasonable.
Wilting Lily sings catchy songs about anatomy and physiology. And he knows all the organs we keep in our jars. Is he just stalling to avoid med school exams? We're not sure, but we are sure these are catchy study guides.
|Movies||The Mummy series is one of our favorites, even if they get it wrong and give Imhotep (and Evy) five canopic jars, instead of four. Do you count five here? Do you?|
Of course, there wouldn't have been a Mummy series, if it weren't for the Boris Karloff original in 1932.
Don't believe it. Elvis is with us. Well, four parts of him, anyway.
The Phantasm series
Scary alien or not, this guy has got to be the worst funeral director ever.
Shaun of the Dead
Even zombies can be funny.
This is not how you preserve a dog, kid.
The Sixth Sense
We see dead people too. But we're not scared of them.
The Silence of the Lambs
We promise not to put any fava beans in with your liver.
|TV Shows||Tutenstein |
The cutest little mummy ever.
CSI is always interesting, whichever show it is. Doesn't everyone want to know how people die?
We watch Mythbusters for the science. Mostly, though explosions and guts are great, too.
|Likes||Our dad, Horus the Younger|
Getting to stay up late
Keeping dead people safe
Jackals (except when they try to eat our contents)
|Activities||Canning (Imsety makes tasty grape jam)|
Helping Anubis mummify people
Chilling near Osiris
Wishing we had feet and hands (it's a drag)
|Groups||Ancient Egyptian Gods |
National Funeral Directors Association