Interview with Thor
From: Dr. Karl Ljung
To: Asgard Judgment Council
Dear Sirs and Madams,
Enclosed here please find the transcript of a therapy session I conducted last week with one Thor Odinsøn at your request. It is my professional opinion that this patient has serious anger management issues and suffers from paranoia and delusions of grandeur. I recommend a course of intensive therapy. I trust that the reasons for this diagnosis and recommendation will become clear to you upon reading.
Dr. Karl Ljung, M.D.
Doctor: Good morning, Thor. How are you today?
Patient: OK, I guess.
Doctor: I see the judgment council has referred you to me for, ah, hmm, let’s see … threatening to kill your uncle.
Patient: He’s not my uncle.
Doctor: But you did threaten to kill someone, did you not?
Patient: Yeah, the jerk who stole my wife’s hair. My dad thinks Loki is my uncle because they’re sworn blood-brothers or something.
Doctor: I see. And do you often have conflict with, er, this person?
Patient: I dunno. I guess.
Doctor: Could you be more specific?
Patient: Look, doctor, Loki deserves whatever he gets from me. One time, he tricked me into going into a giant’s hall without my hammer. I could have been killed. And once, he forced me to dress up as a woman.
Doctor: How did that make you feel?
Patient: How do you think it made me feel? I was humiliated! Everyone was laughing at me. If that scumbag giant Thrym hadn’t stolen my hammer I would never have done it. But Loki convinced everyone that the only way to get it back was to dress me up as a bride. I know he just suggested it to humiliate me.
Doctor: And do you often feel that everyone is out to get you?
Patient: Everyone is out to get me. All of the giants definitely want to kill me. It’s a good thing I am just naturally ripped, plus I work out all the time. And have my magic hammer.
Doctor: Your hammer seems very important to you.
Patient: Yeah, I love my hammer. It never misses its mark, and comes back to me after I throw it. I also have some iron gloves and a strength-magnifying girdle of might. And my ride is so cool. It’s this gorgeous chariot that makes thunder and lightning when I drive it, and it’s pulled by two giant, self-regenerating goats.
Doctor: Interesting. So you feel inadequate without these objects.
Patient: What? No … that’s not – OK, the thing is doctor, there’s this prophetess, see? And she has predicted that I’m going to have to defeat this giant snake named Jormungand – he’s actually one of Loki’s kids – if I’m going to save everybody when the end of the world comes. So I’ve got to be prepared, see? Otherwise, I could die. Everybody could die.
Doctor: And how long have you been seeing this snake? Do you see him right now?
Patient: What? No, no, I saw him last week when I went fishing with Hymir – almost caught him, too.
Doctor: Ah. Tell me, Thor, did you feel loved as a child?
Patient: Uh, I dunno. I guess. I mean, I was under a lot of pressure as a kid to defend my dad’s kingdom from giants and all. It's hard being Odin's kid. And my dad was never around because, being the king of the gods, you have a lot of official duties and stuff.
Doctor: Is that why you use food to fill the emotional void?
Doctor: Oh, come, Thor. Your huge appetite is renowned in Asgard.
Patient: Um, I just really like food. In fact, I’m so hungry right now I could eat an ox.
Doctor: I see. Well, I’m sorry, Thor, but that’s all we have time for today. Rest assured that I’ll be sending my report to the council very soon.