Thoth invented writing, so it's not surprising that he prefers email to voice mail. Thankfully, he keeps his messages short.
A Correspondence With Ra
This business between the contending gods is costing Egypt dearly. I don't know how much longer the divine banks can continue bankrolling this nonsense. It's already been almost 80 years. Have you considered simply giving one of them the crown and telling them to stop fighting?
Your humble servant,
Egypt's been watching all this time. Those scribes can't keep up with all the reports of the latest insults or challenges. Someday, when mortals invent television, it will be the sort of thing that makes for a great reality show.
For now, though, you're right. It's gone on long enough. Could you talk to Isis and Seth for me? I know they're both going to give me heartburn if I do. You're much better at diplomacy.
A Correspondence With Isis
I have been speaking with His Majesty, Ra, and believe that he is about to grant the crown to your son, Horus. There may, however, be one final set of hearings before the God Council, before that happens.
Because your presence just makes Seth angry, and causes more problems, Ra is requesting that the council be held on the Island in the Middle, and that you not attend. I assure you that your side of the story will be heard, even though you won't be there in person, and apologize for any inconvenience.
Thanking you on behalf of peace,
It's about time that Horus will receive what is justly his. I can't believe this travesty has been permitted to go on as long as it has. As long as the council is true, and not just another stalling technique, I am happy to go along with it. I know Ra doesn't like me, though, and if I think he's going to try to pull a fast one, I will get on to that island, one way or another.
A Correspondence With Seth
Ra's getting tired of your fighting with Horus the Younger. It's time to step down and let the boy have what he deserves. Don't you think you've tested him enough?
If I thought the kid was ready, I'd be the first to kneel to him. But taking Osiris's place on that throne is not going to be an easy job, and he needs to be strong enough to do it. I know everybody's sick of the fighting, but some day, when Horus the Younger is the best king who ever ruled the universe, you'll thank me for roughing him up.
Just tell Ra I need more time. Maybe another decade?
A Correspondence With Seshat
I've sent another sixteen wagons of scrolls to the House of Life to be accounted for. I know that mortals haven't invented the card catalogue system yet, or the handheld computer, but I'm sure that you have some way to make sure they're all inventoried and properly shelved?
I love it when you talk knowledge to me.
The scrolls will be divided by alphanumeric order and shelved in the House of Life according to the Ptolemaic system. So far, it's the best one they've come up with. If I have a few more years, I might be able to teach them something better, but I don't think Rome is going to be patient enough to let us finish. And they call us barbarians.
Love you too.