The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman Book 6, Chapter 5 Summary
Mr. Shandy wants to find Tristram a superstar tutor. This might prove to be tough, because Mr. Shandy's got some pretty weird specifications in mind.
He cannot lisp, squint, wink, or shout; he can't look mean or dumb; he can't bite his lips, grind his teeth, or pick his nose; he can't walk fast, or slow, or fold his arms, or let them dangle, or put them in his pocket; he can't bite or cut his nails, or tap his feet, or talk while he's peeing, or point out excrement.
Toby thinks this is total nonsense, of course. But Mr. Shandy is on a roll.
He has to be cheerful and prudent, wise, and learned. Yorick chimes in that he should be humble, moderate, and gentle; and Toby suggests that he be free, generous, bountiful, and brave.
(We're starting to think that each man wants a tutor who resembles himself.)
But Toby has a potential candidate: Le Fever's son. Le Fever, if you remember from way back in Book 5, Chapter 10, is the man whose story Toby has been trying to tell.