Pandarus arrives up at Calchas' garden, where Troilus has been pacing around waiting for him to show up so Pandarus can escort him to Cressida's bedroom. (Pandarus sure is a very hands-on go-between, don't you think? Is he going to use his own "enchanting fingers" to undress the couple, or what?)
Troilus gets chatty when he's nervous, so he compares Pandarus to "Charon." You know, the infamous ferryman who gives passengers a lift across the River Styx.
Which, yikes! Why is Troilus comparing his trip to Cressida's bedroom to a mythological journey to the underworld? Could this be a wee bit of foreshadowing?
Pandarus runs off to get Cressida. While Troilus waits, he tells us he's so excited about finally hooking up with Cressida that he's salivating just thinking about what it's going to be like to finally "taste" her sweet "nectar."
But then he gets nervous again and says he's afraid something terrible is going to happen. Yeah, we're getting a bed feeling.Hey!
Pandarus finally shows up with Cressida. Cue awkward flirting, complete with blushing, sighing, stammering, and promise making. (Think Romeo and Juliet, but not quite so poetic.)
Plus, it must be hard to get all romantic with your uncle hovering over you cracking dirty jokes—which Pandarus is totally doing.
Cressida says she loves Troilus, but she seems hesitant.
Troilus promises to be so faithful to her that future love poets will write all about his devotion and use the phrase "as true as Troilus."
Not to be outdone, Cressida swears that if she ever cheats on Troilus, she hopes people will say that all promiscuous women are "as false as Cressid."
Then Pandarus jumps in and says something like, "Listen kids, if things don't work out between you two, let all the future go-betweens in the world be called "Pandars." (You got that right, Pandarus!) Troilus, Cressida, and Pandarus say "Amen."
Pandarus has had enough of all this romantic talk, so he sends Troilus and Cressida off to a room with a "bed."