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Interview with Orestes

Even though Orestes has been down in the Underworld for a long time now, Shmoop's crack team of P.I.s was recently able to tap into his phone. (Yes, we're just that good.) The following log shows that relations are still a little tense between Orestes and his mom.

Call Time: 6:00 P.M.
Date: August 12

Clytemnestra: Hello?

Orestes: Uh… hi... hi...

Clytemnestra: Who is this?

Orestes: I... um...

Clytemnestra: If this is Castor or Polydeuces, you can tell Helen that I don't have anything to say to her. That two-bit floozy is no sister of mine. Everybody knows she's hooking up with Paris again. I can't believe they were making out at the casino. If I were Menelaus, I'd... well I'd probably just cry or something. That Menelaus was always such a wuss bucket. Anyway, tell her to stop filling up my voicemail with all her pathetic—

Orestes: Mom! Mom, it's me... Mom.

Clytemnestra: This can't be who I think it is.

Orestes: It's Orestes.

[Clytemnestra hangs up.]
Orestes: Mom...? Mom...?

Call Time: 6:30 P.M.
Dates: August 12

Clytemnestra: If this is Orestes, you'd seriously better stop calling me.

Orestes: Look, Mom, just hear me out.

Clytemnestra: What? So you can stab me again?

Orestes: How can I stab you over the phone?

Clytemnestra: How do I know what kind of technology you people have these days? You probably have an iStab or something.

Orestes: That's ridiculous.

Clytemnestra: Well, I'm not surprised by anything anymore. You and Electra—my own children murdering me. I don't know why the Furies didn't take you to the Dungeons of the Damned.

Orestes: I was absolved of the crime. You know that. A jury was convened. There was a tie. Athena broke it, and I was absolved. The Furies agreed to leave me alone and received a place of honor in Athens.

Clytemnestra: Sellouts! If I had an iStab, I'd give them a call right now.

Orestes: Mom there's no such thing as a—

Clytemnestra: Oh, of course, you know all about it. Mr. King of the Stabbers over here.

Orestes: I was the King of Mycenae after I was absolved. I was never King of Stabbers.

Clytemnestra: You stabbed me, so I dub thee King of Stabbers.

Orestes: You know I had to stab you. Apollo ordered me to because you stabbed Dad. Oh, guess that makes you Queen of Stabbers.

Clytemnestra: I'm not—

Orestes: Too late. I just dubbed you.

Clytemnestra: But—

Orestes: Dubbed!

Clytemnestra: Agamemnon deserved what he got! He sacrificed your sister, Iphigenia, just so all those stupid ships could sail to stupid Troy. If my floozy sister hadn't—

Orestes: Mom! Didn't you hear? Iphigenia wasn't really sacrificed. She was taken away at the last moment by a bird and spent years in Tauris. Pylades and I found her there working as a priestess of Artemis. She almost sacrificed me before we recognized each other.

Clytemnestra: I've heard that story, but I don't believe it.

Orestes: It's true!

Clytemnestra: No daughter of mine would ever work in a Podunk town like Tauris.

Orestes: I saw her there.

Clytemnestra: Have you seen her around here? We're all dead now. Why doesn't she come by my condo?

Orestes: Well...

Clytemnestra: Well, what?

Orestes: She's a little intimidated.

Clytemnestra: What?! I killed for her, and she can't come by for a visit?!

Orestes: Everybody's afraid of you, Mom.

Clytemnestra: Except you! You stuck a sword in me!

Orestes: I was terrified when I did that... and... and I'm sorry, Mom.

Clytemnestra: Oh, you're sorry.

Orestes: I am.

Clytemnestra: What, am I supposed to cry and say everything's okay now?

Orestes: Maybe...

[Clytemnestra hangs up.]
Orestes: Mom...?

Call Time: 6:30 P.M
Dates: August 15

Orestes: Hello?

Clytemnestra: If you want to come over, I made some cookies. And no, they're not poisoned or anything. So come eat them if you want. Or don't. I don't care. I still hate you, but it seems a shame to waste cookies. Oh, this is stupid. I'm hanging up.

[Clytemnestra hangs up.]
Orestes: I'll be there, Mom.

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