Study Guide

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies Summary

Mr. and Mrs. Bennet have five daughters. Five daughters who have been trained by Chinese masters in the deadly art of killing zombies who are wandering the English countryside. Five daughters Mrs. Bennet would really like to see married.

Hey, even during a zombie apocalypse, finding a good husband is a top priority.

When a rich guy named Mr. Bingley moves into the neighborhood, he takes a liking to Jane Bennet. His friend Mr. Darcy, who's rich and handsome and also an accomplished zombie slayer, manages to offend nearly everyone in town with his arrogant behavior, including the deadly yet lovely Elizabeth Bennet.

While Jane's getting to know Mr. Bingley and Elizabeth is growing to loathe Mr. Darcy, their cousin Mr. Collins pops by. He wants to marry Elizabeth, but she's getting friendly with a local solider named Mr. Wickham, who's in town to burn undead bodies. Mr. Wickham lets it slip that Mr. Darcy cheated him out of an inheritance.

Oh, Elizabeth always knew that Mr. Darcy was a no-good jerk.

At a ball at Mr. Bingley's house, Mr. Darcy asks Elizabeth to dance, and it's muy awkward. He also helps her kill a few zombies, who have got hold of the kitchen staff. Still, Elizabeth doesn't like the dude.

The next day, Mr. Collins proposes to Elizabeth, and she turns him down. Don't worry: he goes next door and asks Charlotte Lucas to marry him instead…without realizing that she's been bitten by a zombie and is cursed to die a slow, painful death.

Mr. Collins is not the sharpest dagger in the weapons drawer.

Meanwhile, Jane gets a letter saying that Mr. Bingley and his friends have booked for London and won't be coming back anytime soon. Boo. Maybe Mr. Bingley never loved her at all? Maybe men don't like it when you're a bride of death? Sigh.

In the spring, Elizabeth goes to visit Charlotte and Mr. Collins at their new home in Kent. Charlotte is enjoying the last few months of her life as she slowly rots away. Elizabeth also gets to meet Mr. Collins' patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh, who also happens to be the fiercest female zombie slayer in all of England—and Mr. Darcy's aunt.

Eventually, Elizabeth finds out that Mr. Darcy was the one who got Mr. Bingley to leave for London months ago. Basically, he didn't want his friend to marry Jane. Elizabeth vows to kill Mr. Darcy the next time she sees him. This is pretty bad timing, because the next time she sees him, he confesses that he loves her and asks her to marry him.

Awkward.

The two have an epic throw-down when Elizabeth explains why she won't marry him. Mr. Darcy is ticked but manages to fight off Elizabeth after she uses his head to smash a mantle to pieces. He then answers all her charges in a strongly worded letter the next day. You know, like a gentleman. Turns out that he did tell Mr. Bingley not to marry Jane (oops). But Mr. Wickham is totally lying about being wronged by him. In fact, Mr. Wickham is lying about pretty much everything.

We did not see that one coming.

Neither did Elizabeth.

Elizabeth heads back home with a lot on her mind. After a few weeks, she takes a trip with her Aunt and Uncle Gardiner to Derbyshire. There, they make a stop at Pemberley, which just so happens to be Mr. Darcy's Japanese-styled estate. Elizabeth's not worried, because the servants tell her that Mr. Darcy isn't home. Then some zombies attack, and he shows up. Oops.

Mr. Darcy is super slick about it and invites Elizabeth and her family to Pemberley to hang out. Unfortunately, their visits are cut short by some news from home: seems that Lydia has eloped with Mr. Wickham. Mary and Kitty swear a blood oath against Mr. Wickham, and everyone goes into crisis mode.

Eventually, Lydia and Mr. Wickham are found hiding out in London. They're married after Mr. Wickham is maimed in a carriage accident. Hey, he had it coming. When Lydia comes home to visit, she mentions that Mr. Darcy was at her wedding, and Elizabeth finds out that he was the one who paid Mr. Wickham to marry Lydia. He was also the one who beat the nasty dude to a pulp. Swoon.

Soon, Mr. Bingley is back in at Longbourn with Mr. Darcy. He proposes to Jane, and she's thrilled. Elizabeth thanks Mr. Darcy for what he did for Lydia, and he confesses that he still loves her. The good news is that now she loves him back—even more than she loves beheading the legions of undead that roam this cursed earth.

So romantic.

Everyone gets married, and everyone lives happily ever after—except the zombies, who keep on getting slaughtered by the thousands.

The end.

  • Chapters 1-5

    • The story opens with a classic universal truth: "A zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains." Hmm…we remember it slightly differently
    • The evidence? Eighteen people recently died in zombie attacks at Netherfield Park.
    • On the plus side, that means the house is available to rent, and someone has just snapped it up.
    • One fine day, Mrs. Bennet tells her husband that she knows exactly who's rented the place out.
    • Mr. Bennet is sharpening his daggers and polishing his muskets. He doesn't have much time for his wife's nonsense now that there are undead hoards roaming the countryside.
    • But Mrs. Bennet is determined to tell her hubby all about Netherfield Park. It's been rented by a guy named Mr. Bingley. The dude is rich. And he's single. Won't that be nice for one of their five daughters?
    • Mr. Bennet doesn't get it. Is Mr. Bingley gonna train the girls how to behead zombies? That's what's really important nowadays.
    • Don't be so dense, Mr. Bennet. Obviously, Mrs. Bennet wants Bingley to marry one of them. Duh.
    • Mr. Bennet doesn't get how his wife can think of marriage at a time like this. The undead walk the earth. Priorities?
    • But Mrs. Bennet has got to agree to disagree with her husband on this one. Sure, this zombie plague has been terrorizing England for decades, but a lady simply must get married.
    • Mr. Bennet wants to keep his daughters alive, and Mrs. Bennet wants to get rings on their fingers. We wonder who will win.
    • Shmoop side note: this story really is Pride and Prejudice with a dash of zombies, so if you ever feel the need to compare the stories side-by-side, just take a stroll over to our original Pride and Prejudice chapter-by-chapter breakdown. There, you can see Mr. Bennet sharpen his wit instead of his knives.
    • Mr. Bennet may be a warrior, but he knows he has social obligations, too. He pays a visit to Mr. Bingley almost as soon as Mr. Bingley moves into the neighborhood.
    • Mrs. Bennet is thrilled. Obvs.
    • Elizabeth, the second oldest Bennet daughter, is pretty cool with everything, too. She's busy carving the Bennet family crest into a sword.
    • Kitty, the fourth daughter, has a bit of cough, which Mrs. Bennet worries will make it sound like she's been stricken with the zombie plague. That's no way to catch a husband.
    • But Mrs. Bennet thinks that Lydia, the fifth and youngest Bennet girl, might have the best chance of all.
    • Lydia tells her sisters that she's "the most proficient in the art of tempting the other sex." Is that what they teach in between zombie-slaying lessons?
    • So, everyone's super psyched about Mr. Bingley, but none of the Bennet girls gets a good look at him until he stops by the house to visit with Mr. Bennet.
    • Elizabeth sees Mr. Bingley from an upper window. Sure, he's handsome, but he fumbles with his fancy French carbine rifle. Good luck fending off zombies like that.
    • The Bennet girls finally get to meet Mr. Bingley at a public ball. He shows up with his sisters, Caroline and Louisa, as well as with Louisa's husband, Mr. Hurst, and a friend named Mr. Darcy.
    • Mr. Darcy sticks out right away because he's tall and handsome and rich. Word also goes around the room that he's killed about a thousand unmentionables (a.k.a. zombies) since the fall of Cambridge. Swoon.
    • Okay, but Mr. Darcy's also haughty and arrogant as all get-out. While Mr. Bingley is floating around like a social butterfly, Mr. Darcy refuses to dance or talk with anyone except the friends he came with. #stuckup
    • Mr. Darcy even disses Elizabeth Bennet. She overhears him telling Mr. Bingley that she's not cute enough to dance with.
    • Oh, those are fightin' words.
    • Elizabeth has to avenge her honor, so she pulls a dagger out from under her dress. She's gonna follow Mr. Darcy outside and slit his throat.
    • Yup, this chick doesn't mess around.
    • But, just then, a horde of zombies bursts through the windows of the ballroom and starts attacking guests.
    • As the undead flood the room, the five Bennet girls quickly form the Pentagram of Death and attack the zombies until they've all been beheaded.
    • Mr. Darcy can't help admire the Bennet girls' skill and quick thinking.
    • Okay, so other than the zombie attack, the Bennet girls have to admit that the ball was really nice.
    • That night, when Jane and Elizabeth are alone, they talk more about the ball.
    • Jane really likes Mr. Bingley.
    • Sure, he's great, Elizabeth says—even if he and Mr. Darcy did just stand there when all those zombies attacked.
    • I guess, Jane says, but he danced with me twice. That was pretty dreamy, wasn't it?
    • Elizabeth isn't too thrilled with Mr. Bingley's sisters. For starters, they're kind of stuck up. Not to mention they don't really have any clue about defending themselves against zombies. They haven't been trained in both England and China like the Bennet sisters have.
    • And then there's Mr. Darcy himself. He's nothing like Mr. Bingley. Basically, Darcy may be rich and well-bred, but he comes off as an arrogant jerk.
    • Preach, girl.
    • The Bennets' nearest neighbors are the Lucas family.
    • Sir William Lucas used to make fancy burial clothes until people stopped dressing the dead in nice things. His oldest daughter, Charlotte, is Elizabeth's friend.
    • After the ball, the ladies gather to talk over the event.
    • Charlotte tells Mrs. Bennet that she overheard Mr. Bingley saying that he thought Jane was the belle of the ball. Nice.
    • The women discuss Mr. Darcy's snub of Elizabeth. Too bad she didn't have a chance to dagger him because of those zombies…
    • Charlotte says that maybe Mr. Darcy has a right to be a little bit full of himself. After all, he's rich and handsome and super-skilled at dispatching the undead. It is impressive.
    • Mary Bennet chimes in with an observation on the difference between pride and vanity.
    • Elizabeth knows that her sister is an unstoppable killing machine, but she's really dull when it comes to making small talk.
  • Chapters 6-10

    • The Bennet women soon visit the ladies of Netherfield.
    • Louisa Hurst and Carolina Bingley aren't too impressed with Mrs. Bennet, Mary, Kitty, and Lydia. Jane and Elizabeth are okay. For lowly zombie hunters, that is.
    • Later, when Elizabeth and Charlotte are talking about Jane and Mr. Bingley, Charlotte tells Elizabeth that Jane better step on the gas with this one. Jane might be a warrior first and a woman second, but no man is gonna stick around if he thinks a lady isn't interested in him.
    • Charlotte may be an unmarried 27-year-old who doesn't know how to kill a zombie, but she's got a point.
    • Meanwhile, when everyone is gathered for a private ball one night at Lucas Lodge, Mr. Darcy starts to realize that Elizabeth is actually quite foxy. Not only that, but she's also pretty great at dispatching zombies.
    • Elizabeth can't figure out why Mr. Darcy keeps lurking around her. She still might kill him for that insult from last time, after all.
    • Then, Mr. Darcy asks Elizabeth to dance. Could this guy get any denser?
    • Just then, Caroline Bingley comes by and notices Mr. Darcy gawking at Elizabeth. He confesses that he's swooning over her a bit.
    • Caroline is pretty surprised. Wow, Darcy is gonna have an interesting life with Elizabeth, she says. He'll have such an awesome mother-in-law, and they can slay zombies by the thousands.
    • In case you couldn't tell, Caroline is being sarcastic.
    • But Mr. Darcy isn't letting Caroline ruin his little fantasy. Maybe this Bennet chick isn't so bad, after all?
    • So, one of the problems with the Bennet estate of Longbourn is that only a man can inherit it. That means the Bennet girls are out of luck when their father dies. It's also a bummer because the house is surrounded by high ground and is hard to defend from the undead.
    • It's cool, though, because the girls can walk into the village of Meryton and get news from the militia that's stationed there to fight the zombie menace. Plus, there are shops where you can pick up a cute bonnet.
    • One day, a letter arrives from Netherfield inviting Jane to lunch.
    • Mrs. Bennet decides that Jane needs to go on horseback. See, it's going to rain, and zombies always attack in the rain. If there's a zombie attack, then the Bingleys won't be able to send Jane back home after lunch. Ingenious.
    • Sure enough, a letter comes the next morning from Netherfield explaining that Jane was injured fighting off the undead during the rain, so she'll have to stay at Netherfield for a few days.
    • Mrs. Bennet is pretty pleased with herself, but Elizabeth is nervous. She decides to walk to Netherfield to see Jane.
    • On the way, Elizabeth runs into three unmentionables, and she skillfully fights them off with only her ankle dagger.
    • Of course, that means when she arrives at Netherfield, Elizabeth is a bit dirty. Caroline and Louisa are all scandalized by her behavior.
    • Luckily, Jane is okay. She's just a little banged up, and she has a cold from fighting in the rain. No biggie.
    • Elizabeth is invited to stay as long as Jane does, and so a servant from Netherfield heads to Longbourn to get Elizabeth's clothes and her favorite musket.
    • As Elizabeth dresses for dinner, the Bingley sisters take turns ragging on her.
    • Elizabeth really looked awful when she came in all covered in dirt and zombie gore, didn't she? Why walk all the way to Netherfield when she knew the undead would be roaming the countryside, anyway?
    • Poor Mr. Bingley tries to defend Elizabeth—and Jane, too—but Mr. Darcy has to agree. The Bennet girls might be warriors, but they're low class. Who'd want to marry them?
    • After dinner, everyone hangs out in the drawing room and chats.
    • Elizabeth reads a book and finds out that Mr. Darcy likes reading, too. He also has a sister named Georgiana who's rather accomplished in the deadly arts herself.
    • Mr. Bingley says that young ladies are so accomplished these days.
    • Mr. Darcy says it's tough for a lady to be really accomplished. She's gotta do a whole list of specific ladylike things that a woman needs to do, including being well-trained in the fighting styles of the Japanese masters and in the modern tactics and weaponry of Europe.
    • Elizabeth wonders if Mr. Darcy knows any accomplished women at all with a checklist like that. From what she's seen, women are either socially refined, or they're killing machines. Not both. Oh, snap.
    • After this, Elizabeth leaves to check on Jane. Jane's cold has grown worse, so Mr. Bingley sends for the doctor.
    • Hopefully the doctor's good at fighting off zombies.
    • In the morning, Elizabeth sends a note to Longbourn, and Mrs. Bennet and her three younger daughters show up to check on Jane, who's doing way better.
    • Mrs. Bennet thanks Mr. Bingley for his kindness and explains that Jane learned to be so patient and long-suffering while she trained with Master Liu in the confines of the Shaolin Temple in China.
    • Mr. Darcy happens to make a comment comparing the country to the city, and Mrs. Bennet promptly snaps at him.
    • The country is obviously better, Mrs. Bennet says, because there are fewer graves here for the undead to rise from. Plus, they just built that huge wall around London to keep out the zombies. It's like a fortress. It's not fit for ladies.
    • Mrs. Bennet is so harsh that even Elizabeth has to defend Mr. Darcy.
    • Lydia changes the subject to balls. She reminds Mr. Bingley that he's supposed to throw one at Netherfield, and he agrees. As soon as Jane is better, it's on.
    • When the Bennet ladies leave, Elizabeth heads right back up to Jane. The Bingley sisters get their gossip on about Mrs. Bennet and her daughters, but Mr. Darcy's just not feeling it.
    • The next day in the drawing room, Caroline watches Mr. Darcy write a letter, but her constant interruptions are more obnoxious than the groans of a hundred unmentionables. He's so not into her.
    • Elizabeth sits in the corner cleaning her musket and can't figure out why Mr. Darcy keeps looking at her. Then he asks her if she thinks she might like to dance again.
    • Um, nope.
    • Mr. Darcy has never met anyone like Elizabeth. If her family wasn't so weird, he might actually consider falling in love with her. And if he wasn't such a skilled warrior himself, she might actually kick his butt.
    • The next day, Mr. Darcy and Caroline are walking on the grounds of Netherfield when Caroline starts mentioning Mr. Darcy's crush on Elizabeth. This girl is next-level jealous.
    • Just then, Elizabeth and Louisa run into Mr. Darcy and Caroline on their own walk.
    • Louisa joins Caroline and Mr. Darcy, and Elizabeth goes off on her own. Mr. Darcy protests, but Elizabeth says it's no big deal. There might be zombies along this path, and she doesn't have the energy to fight them off today. Peace out.
  • Chapters 11-15

    • That night, after dinner, the Bingley sisters visit with Jane, and Elizabeth sees how charming they are when they want to be. If only words could kill, these two would be the world's greatest warriors.
    • Mr. Bingley is relieved that Jane hasn't been cursed with the zombie plague and that she's getting better.
    • Down in the drawing room, Caroline is still trying to interest Mr. Darcy in her goods, but he's not biting.
    • Mr. Darcy makes a few comments about Caroline's lack of battle training, but she brushes it off and finally asks Elizabeth to walk around the room with her.
    • Caroline says that Mr. Darcy should join her and Elizabeth, but he declines. He can admire them better from where he's sitting, he says.
    • This is some hardcore 19th-century flirting.
    • Caroline pretends to be shocked and says that Mr. Darcy must be punished.
    • Elizabeth says that Mr. Darcy can't possibly have any weaknesses.
    • Not true, says Mr. Darcy. He has weaknesses: he's killed people for things that might seem like no big deal to others.
    • Well, that's not great, Elizabeth says—but luckily, she's also a warrior, so she understands the life they lead in these troubling times.
    • Finally, Caroline has had enough of their little conversation, so she shuts it down with some piano music.
    • But this resisting-the-charms-of-Elizabeth-Bennet thing is getting harder and harder for poor Mr. Darcy to keep up.
    • The next morning, Elizabeth writes to her mother to ask for the carriage to come home.
    • Mrs. Bennet wants Jane to stay a little longer at Netherfield, so she says the carriage has been damaged by musket fire in a zombie attack, which is partially true.
    • But Elizabeth wants to get out of this place, so she tells Jane to ask Mr. Bingley for his carriage. Of course, he agrees.
    • Mr. Darcy is glad to see Elizabeth go—he's getting a little too swoony over her. This girl is dangerous.
    • Finally, on Sunday morning, Jane and Elizabeth get in Mr. Bingley's carriage and head off. Luckily, the road is clear—except for some zombie children, but they're too busy eating some rotting corpses to attack the carriage.
    • Mrs. Bennet isn't happy to see the zombie kids, but soon the two oldest Bennet sisters are catching up on all the gossip they missed while they were away.
    • The next morning, Mr. Bennet announces that the family is about to have a visitor: a man named Mr. Collins. This is the guy who is going to inherit Longbourn after Mr. Bennet dies.
    • It seems that Mr. Collins wrote to Mr. Bennet weeks ago explaining that he wanted to patch up the falling-out between their two families. Apparently, Mr. Bennet had fought side by side with Mr. Collins' father, but they had issues with each other at some point.
    • Now Mr. Collins has entered the church, and his patroness is Lady Catherine de Bourgh. This woman is super rich and super skilled in the deadly arts. She's got an enormous zombie body count to her name.
    • Elizabeth is actually pretty impressed with the Lady Catherine stuff.
    • The next afternoon, Mr. Collins shows up and has dinner with the family. He alludes to the fact that he would possibly like to get "better aquatinted" with one of the Bennet daughters. Wink, wink.
    • Mr. Collins is not the smoothest operator, though. When he asks which one of the Bennet girls cooked dinner, Mary is so insulted that she leaps on the table and tries to stab Mr. Collins with her fork until Lydia stops her.
    • After dinner, Mr. Bennet asks more about Lady Catherine, and Mr. Collins has a whole lot to say.
    • Lady Catherine is refined and rich and deadly as a starving T-Rex. Even Elizabeth has heard about her fierceness and is interested.
    • Mr. Collins explains that Lady Catherine is a widow who lives in Rosings Park with her only daughter, Anne. Unfortunately, Anne is too sickly to follow in the zombie-killing ways of her mother.
    • Mr. Bennet is pretty delighted by all this—Mr. Collins is totally ridiculous, and Mr. Bennet loves stuff like that. Almost as much as he loves beheading zombies.
    • After tea, Mr. Collins offers to read to the girls, but Lydia interrupts him while he's reading from some sermons.
    • An interruption like that would have earned Lydia ten wet bamboo lashes if she was still training with Master Liu.
    • But Mr. Collins just gets a little huffy and decides to play backgammon with Mr. Bennet instead.
    • Mr. Collins lets Mrs. Bennet know that his main reason for coming to Longbourn is to marry one of her daughters.
    • Mrs. Bennet likes this guy more and more every second. She suggests that he steer clear of Jane, since Mr. Bingley has already taken a liking to her, but that Elizabeth is a good second choice. Plus, she's way deadlier than her sister.
    • The sisters decide to walk into Meryton, and Mr. Collins tags along. On the way, they see an overturned carriage with a cluster of zombies feeding on the driver. The poor girl.
    • Elizabeth thinks fast and throws Mr. Collins' pipe toward the carriage. It lights some lamp oil and makes the carriage explode. Bye-bye, zombies.
    • In Meryton, the girls run into some officers from the militia.
    • One of the soldiers, Mr. Denny, introduces a new recruit, Mr. Wickham, and everyone is instantly swoony over the guy.
    • Just then, Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy happen by on horseback.
    • Elizabeth notices that Mr. Darcy seems really disturbed to see Mr. Wickham. It looks like he's about to draw his sword and take the guy out. Weird.
    • After all the gentlemen are gone, the girls and Mr. Collins enter their Aunt Phillips' house.
    • Mrs. Phillips promises that she'll have the officers over for dinner the next night, and everyone will be able to get to know Mr. Wickham better. Oo-la-la.
  • Chapters 16-20

    • The next day at dinner, all the ladies are interested in Mr. Wickham, but he eventually sits down next to Elizabeth and starts asking about Mr. Darcy.
    • Apparently, Mr. Wickham has known the Darcy family since he was a baby.
    • That's a little weird, Elizabeth thinks, since it looked like Mr. Darcy wanted to kill Mr. Wickham on the road.
    • Mr. Wickham explains that Old Mr. Darcy trained both boys to fight zombies—but that he always favored Mr. Wickham.
    • Mr. Darcy was super jealous about this, so when Old Mr. Darcy was killed battling zombies, Mr. Darcy didn't let Mr. Wickham join the church, even though this was obviously what his father wanted.
    • Elizabeth is totally shocked by all this and wonders why Mr. Wickham hasn't fought Mr. Darcy to the death to restore his honor.
    • Well, Mr. Wickham totally would, but he just remembers Old Mr. Darcy so fondly, he wouldn't dream of maiming his son. You know how that is.
    • Mr. Wickham also tells Elizabeth about a time when the boys were about seven years old and Mr. Darcy viciously attacked him. Mr. Wickham had to walk with a cane for a year.
    • Elizabeth asks about Mr. Darcy's sister, Georgiana, but Wickham says she's pretty much the same as her brother—highly conceited and highly deadly.
    • Mr. Wickham also mentions that Mr. Darcy is the nephew of Lady Catherine de Bourgh. One day, Mr. Darcy is supposed to marry her daughter, Anne. Curiouser and curiouser.
    • As the Bennet girls and Mr. Collins ride home from Mrs. Phillips', they hear the cries of the undead filling the air—but Elizabeth can only think of Mr. Wickham. He's so dreamy.
    • Elizabeth tells Jane all about her conversation with Mr. Wickham while they're sparring in their family dojo.
    • Jane can't believe it, but she also has trouble believing bad things about anyone.
    • Suddenly, Mr. Bingley and his sisters stop by with an invitation to the Netherfield ball. Score.
    • All the ladies in the house are super excited for the upcoming ball. Jane imagines dancing with Mr. Bingley, and Elizabeth thinks about cozying up to Mr. Wickham. She can't wait to see the look on Mr. Darcy's smug face.
    • But then Mr. Collins asks Elizabeth if she'll dance with him for the first two dances, and she can't say no. She also can't kill him in the house. Imagine the mess.
    • It's the night of the Netherfield ball, and the Bennets arrive.
    • Elizabeth is pretty disappointed when she sees that Mr. Wickham isn't there. What gives?
    • So Elizabeth dances with Mr. Collins and then—surprise, surprise—Mr. Darcy asks her to dance. Ugh.
    • It doesn't go great—mainly because Mr. Darcy doesn't say much. He does try to strike up a conversation about the difference between the Japanese and Chinese zombie-slaying schools, though.
    • Elizabeth is way more interested in talking about Mr. Wickham. Mr. Darcy obviously doesn't like the dude, but he doesn't go into any great detail why.
    • Meanwhile, everyone at the ball seems determined to embarrass Elizabeth in front of Mr. Darcy. Relatives, right?
    • It seems like the night couldn't get any worse when Mr. Bingley comes back from the kitchen looking white as a ghost.
    • Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth head down to the kitchen to find two zombies munching on the servants. The poor souls.
    • Because he's a gentleman, Mr. Darcy offers to dispatch the undead. He can't have Elizabeth's lovely gown getting soiled, now, can he?
    • As the family leaves the Netherfield for the night, Mrs. Bennet keeps herself happy thinking that soon her two oldest daughters will both be married, and then they can hang up their swords and muskets forever.
    • The next morning, Mr. Collins makes his move. After breakfast, he asks to talk to Elizabeth alone. Oh, no.
    • Once everyone clears out of the room, Mr. Collins tells Elizabeth that he'd like to marry her. Their life together is going to be great, and he's sure that Lady Catherine will approve, because Elizabeth is such a skilled warrior.
    • Of course, once she becomes Mrs. Collins, Elizabeth will have to leave her zombie-slaying days behind.
    • Elizabeth listens to Mr. Collins' whole ridiculous speech but has to stop him at the mention of her putting down her musket and daggers. She informs him in the politest way possible that she can never be his wife and that she can never stop mowing down the undead as long as the undead walk the earth.
    • Mr. Collins is super dense: he thinks that Elizabeth is turning him down just to encourage him even more.
    • Elizabeth is face-palming pretty hard. What does she have to do to get this guy a clue?
    • Naturally, Mrs. Bennet freaks out when she hears that Elizabeth has rejected Mr. Collins. She rushes into the library and tells Mr. Bennet that he needs to make Elizabeth marry Mr. Collins.
    • Good luck with that.
    • Mr. Bennet tells his wife that he'll not have his best warrior married to a man who's fatter than Buddha and duller than the edge of a learning sword. That's bad news for Mr. Collins.
    • But Mrs. Bennet doesn't give up. She spends the rest of the day harassing Elizabeth about this rejected marriage proposal.
    • When Charlotte Lucas arrives at the house looking a little bit sick, Mrs. Bennet thinks that Charlotte might talk some sense into Elizabeth.
    • Has this woman seen Elizabeth with a sword?
  • Chapters 21-25

    • One morning, the Bennet girls decide to walk into Meryton when they see some zombies stumble out from the woods.
    • The girls shoot at the first few zombies, but they spare a zombie woman holding an undead baby, and she shuffles away without bothering them. It's creepy.
    • In Meryton, Elizabeth finds Mr. Wickham, and he explains that he avoided the ball at Netherfield so he wouldn't have any unpleasant run-in with Mr. Darcy. He wouldn't have wanted a duel to the death to ruin everyone's nice evening out.
    • Back at Longbourn, Jane gets a letter. It's from Caroline Bingley.
    • Seems everyone at Netherfield is headed back to London.
    • Caroline also says that her brother is looking forward to seeing Georgiana Darcy because he totally has a crush on her. Caroline is hoping to hear wedding bells soon.
    • Jane is pretty upset, but Elizabeth thinks that Caroline is just being catty and jealous. She also suggests that Jane cut Caroline's throat once and for all and end this nonsense.
    • Charlotte Lucas is still being super nice to Mr. Collins—too nice, in fact. She's actually hoping that he'll ask him to marry her before he leaves town on Saturday.
    • After falling out of love with Elizabeth, Mr. Collins heads over to Lucas Lodge to propose to Charlotte. She accepts but decides she needs to tell Elizabeth about her upcoming wedding plans face to face.
    • Elizabeth is a little stunned, but she can't really blame Charlotte, who is 27 and unmarried. What's a spinster in a zombie-ridden wasteland to do?
    • But Charlotte has another reason for getting hitched: she's been stricken with the zombie plague.
    • Turns out that Charlotte was walking to Longbourn on Wednesday and was bitten by a zombie hiding under an overturned carriage.
    • Charlotte knows she doesn't have long left now, but with a husband, her final months can be happy, and Mr. Collins will make sure she has a proper Christian beheading and burial.
    • It's kind of sweet, in a way.
    • Obviously, the whole Mr. Collins-is-going-to-marry-Charlotte thing does not go over well with Mrs. Bennet.
    • But Elizabeth just feels bad for Charlotte—she's about to turn into a zombie. Elizabeth ought to go over to Lucas Lodge right now and put her out of her misery, but she promised her friend, and a lady's word is sacred.
    • So Mr. Collins heads back home, only to return to Longbourn two weeks later to get married, which puts Mrs. Bennet in a mood. Let's not even mention the fact that Mr. Bingley is gone and doesn't seem to be coming back to sweep Jane off her feet. What's up with the marriageable young men in this part of the country?
    • Mostly, Mrs. Bennet just hates the sight of Charlotte Lucas. After all, now Charlotte is the one who's going to be mistress of Longbourn.
    • Well, with any luck, Mr. Bennet tells his wife, Mr. Collins will be ripped to pieces by a horde of zombies before he dies.
    • We can only hope.
    • Finally, another letter from Caroline Bingley comes. There isn't much good news in it.
    • Caroline goes on and on about Georgiana Darcy and how great she is. Ugh.
    • Elizabeth tries to tell Jane that Caroline is playing her, but Jane won't listen.
    • Mrs. Bennet won't stop harping on the subject, of course.
    • Even Mr. Bennet wonders when Elizabeth will find a little romance of her own—you know, when she's not slaying the hordes of undead that roam the countryside.
    • Will Elizabeth remain merely a bride of death forever?
    • At Christmas, Mrs. Bennet's brother, Mr. Gardiner, and his brother's wife come to spend the holiday at Longbourn.
    • Mrs. Bennet wastes no time telling her sister-in-law all the awful things that have been happening in the past few weeks. Five daughters who still aren't married—the horror.
    • When Mrs. Gardiner talks privately to Elizabeth, she mentions that she could take Jane to London with her when they go back.
    • Maybe Jane and Mr. Bingley could cross paths there…even if the city is towering fortress, quarantined into sections to keep out the dreadfuls.
    • One evening during the Gardiners' stay, Mr. Wickham stops by Longbourn for dinner and talks with Mrs. Gardiner all about growing up at Pemberley under the care of Old Mr. Darcy.
    • Turns out Mrs. Gardiner grown up near there, too. She loves all Mr. Wickham's stories about the terrible and arrogant Mr. Darcy, even though she's never actually met the guy.
  • Chapters 26-30

    • Mrs. Gardiner warns Elizabeth about getting a little too close to Mr. Wickham. Sure, the guy's smoking hot and handy with a musket, but he doesn't have a whole lot of cash in the bank.
    • Elizabeth lets her aunt know that she's got it under control. Besides, she's married to her work—zombie slaying.
    • Meanwhile, Mr. Collins and Charlotte are married. Yay?
    • Mr. Collins is very happy and doesn't seem to suspect that he's marrying a zombie, even though Charlotte's skin is starting to turn pale and she forgets to use her fork a few times at the reception.
    • As Charlotte heads off for her new life in Kent, she lets Elizabeth know that she's welcome to come visit in March. Elizabeth agrees. Yay, future road trip.
    • Meanwhile, Jane journeys to London with the Gardiners.
    • Jane sends letters back home saying that she hasn't visited with Mr. Bingley, but that Caroline has stopped by.
    • The good news is that Jane has finally realized that Caroline is a two-faced beeyotch. The bad news is that Jane's not wearing the right dress to kill her right then and there.
    • Elizabeth also finds out that Mr. Wickham is chasing after another girl. A rich girl. It's cool, though, because Elizabeth didn't love him; she's not heartbroken or anything.
    • Besides, defending England from the zombie menace will always be Elizabeth's one true love.
    • Eventually, it's March and time for Elizabeth to take her trip to Kent with Sir William Lucas and Charlotte's younger sister, Maria.
    • It's only a 24-mile trip, but the carriage gets attacked by a swarm of unmentionables. Hundreds of them.
    • The bodyguards and coachman are killed, but Elizabeth manages to mow down enough zombies to drive the carriage into the walls of London herself.
    • There, the Gardiners greet the three survivors.
    • While everyone enjoys the charm and safety of London, Mrs. Gardiner invites Elizabeth on a trip to see the Lakes in the summer.
    • Elizabeth is super psyched. Just think of the mountaintop sparring she could do in that part of the country.
    • The next day, Elizabeth, Sir William, and Maria set out for Hunsford parsonage to see Charlotte and Mr. Collins. Their coachman and bodyguards have been replaced, but they don't run into any zombies on the way. Elizabeth thinks this is because Lady Catherine's reputation precedes her. Even the undead are afraid to go lurking where such a fierce slayer lives.
    • At the parsonage, Elizabeth sees that Charlotte looks about three-quarters dead. Her skin is gray and covered in sores, and she can barely talk.
    • Luckily, Sir William, Maria, and Mr. Collins are too stupid to notice that Charlotte is rotting away before their eyes.
    • The next day, Anne de Bourgh stops by in a carriage to invite the entire party to dinner at Rosings Park with Lady Catherine.
    • Looks like Elizabeth will be meeting the greatest female zombie slayer in England sooner than she thought.
    • The next day, everyone heads over to Rosings Park for dinner with Lady Catherine and her daughter.
    • The house is huge and filled with ninjas, and Elizabeth is pretty excited, too.
    • At dinner, Lady Catherine asks Elizabeth about her training in the deadly arts. She assumes Elizabeth has been trained in Japan.
    • Nope, Elizabeth learned all her skills in China.
    • Well, Lady Catherine doesn't think much of that. The Bennet family must have had ninjas at least.
    • No, Elizabeth tells her. No ninjas at all.
    • Five daughters trained without any ninjas at home? Lady Catherine can hardly believe it.
    • After dinner, everyone plays card games, and Charlotte almost goes to the bathroom in the corner of the room before Elizabeth helps her. (Seriously, Elizabeth thinks, how is no one noticing that this girl is nearly dead?)
    • Eventually, they all leave Rosings Park, but Elizabeth is kind of disappointed in Lady Catherine. This great warrior wasn't what she expected at all.
    • After a week, Sir William leaves Hunsford, but Elizabeth and Maria stay behind to continue their visit.
    • One night, Lady Catherine asks Elizabeth to spar with three of her ninjas. Lady Catherine is sure that her Japanese-trained assassins with take Elizabeth out with ease, but Elizabeth bests them all and, for good measure, rips out the still-beating heart of the last one. This girl doesn't play around.
    • Eventually, Mr. Darcy comes to visit his aunt at Rosings Park. In fact, he stops by the parsonage the day he arrives.
    • Charlotte thinks it must be a compliment to Elizabeth, but Elizabeth thinks Charlotte must be going mad from all the zombie rot in her brain.
    • Mr. Darcy and his cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam, come by and talk with the ladies for a bit.
    • Elizabeth asks Mr. Darcy if he saw Jane in London. He says he didn't, but he hesitates for a minute, which is weird. Hmm…
  • Chapters 31-35

    • So. All the ladies love Colonel Fitzwilliam. Mr. Darcy? They don't love him so much.
    • Eventually, the crowd at the parsonage is invited back over to dinner at Rosings Park.
    • Colonel Fitzwilliam starts talking to Elizabeth right away. They discuss the deadly arts, but Lady Catherine butts her head in.
    • Colonel Fitzwilliam reminds Elizabeth that she promised to demonstrate her finger strength, so she ties up the bottom of her gown, flips over, and starts walking around using only her fingertips.
    • Meanwhile, Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy, and Colonel Fitzwilliam have a conversation about how Mr. Darcy behaved when he was in Hertfordshire.
    • Elizabeth tells Colonel Fitzwilliam that his cousin was totally unsocial and wouldn't dance with anyone. The horror.
    • Mr. Darcy admits that he's not good with people he doesn't know.
    • Elizabeth tells Mr. Darcy that she wasn't always skilled at doing pushups with only her fingertips, either—she had to work at.
    • Maybe put in a little effort next time, Mr. Darcy?
    • The next morning, Elizabeth is hanging out by herself in the parsonage when Mr. Darcy suddenly stops by.
    • It's a little awkward, but the two of them have some strained conversations about how Mr. Bingley left Netherfield, and about how close is too close to live to family once you're married.
    • When Charlotte comes home and finds Mr. Darcy visiting, she decides he must be in love with Elizabeth. But Elizabeth thinks that's nuts.
    • But Mr. Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam keep visiting the parsonage all the time. Like every day.
    • Charlotte thinks something is up with Mr. Darcy. He keeps coming by for visits and then just sits there and doesn't say anything. Why do that unless you're hopelessly in love and can't stay away?
    • If Elizabeth were able to snag Mr. Darcy, that would be quite a catch, Charlotte thinks. Plus, he's so tall, so you know his brains will be so big and juicy. Braaaains.
    • One day, Elizabeth runs into Colonel Fitzwilliam as she's walking near the parsonage.
    • The two of them talk about various subjects, and Colonel Fitzwilliam mentions to Elizabeth that Mr. Darcy was telling him that he had saved his friend, Mr. Bingley, from an unsuitable marriage. Apparently, there were some pretty strong objections to the lady.
    • Oh, no, he di-in't.
    • Now Elizabeth is ticked and determined to kill Mr. Darcy once and for all. She will have her vengeance. Oh, yes, she will.
    • Even though the folks from the parsonage are invited to Rosings for dinner that night, Elizabeth decides to stay behind. She's got a headache. And she doesn't want to kill Mr. Darcy in front of all those witnesses, anyway.
    • Elizabeth is all by herself in the parsonage stewing about what a jerk Mr. Darcy is when in walks the man himself.
    • And guess what Mr. Darcy does? He tells Elizabeth that he knows she's beneath him socially and in terms of training in the deadly arts, but he's still completely in love with her and wants to marry her.
    • Um, what?
    • Elizabeth is stunned and insulted and bloodthirsty, so she attacks Mr. Darcy while she answers him.
    • Basically, Elizabeth tells Mr. Darcy that he's a jerk who separated Mr. Bingley and Jane, so there's no way she would ever marry him.
    • Mr. Darcy doesn't deny it at all. Jane wasn't a good match for Mr. Bingley, so she had to go. End of story.
    • Plus, Elizabeth tells Mr. Darcy, he's been a total jerk to Mr. Wickham.
    • Mr. Darcy is really agitated that Mr. Wickham's name has come up. He finally ends the fight and walks out the door.
    • Elizabeth is upset. This day has really been an emotional rollercoaster. Plus, she missed her chance to beat Mr. Darcy to death for his treachery. Bummer.
    • The next morning, Elizabeth decides to take a walk when she sees—who else?—Mr. Darcy.
    • Elizabeth thinks Mr. Darcy might try to kill her, but he hands her a letter instead. Huh?
    • And what does the letter say? All kinds of juicy stuff.
    • Mr. Darcy explains that the only reason he got Mr. Bingley to leave Hertfordshire was because he thought that a zombie bit Jane that day she was attacked on the way to Netherfield. He thought it would be better for Mr. Bingley to leave Jane behind than fall in love with a girl who was going to slowly rot and turn into an undead monster.
    • Mr. Darcy also explains his full history with Mr. Wickham.
    • Turns out that Mr. Wickham isn't such a nice dude, after all. Mr. Darcy once had to break his legs to keep him from hurting a blind stable boy, in fact.
    • Mr. Darcy also gave Mr. Wickham all the money he was promised by Old Mr. Darcy, but Mr. Wickham promptly wasted it and then wanted more.
    • Mr. Wickham also tried to elope with Georgiana Darcy but got caught before he could make good on his wicked plan.
    • Basically, this entire letter is one big "whoa" after another.
  • Chapters 36-40

    • Elizabeth spends some time thinking about Mr. Darcy's letter. He actually makes a lot of good points.
    • What did she really know about Mr. Wickham, anyway, except what he'd told everybody in town? And she didn't recall him doing anything nice for anyone or actually killing a zombie. He just bragged about having done it.
    • And Mr. Darcy did have a point about Jane's illness. Even Elizabeth thought she might have been bitten by a zombie.
    • Geez. How could Elizabeth have been so blind? If she was still in training in China, she would have asked to be whipped with wet bamboo to get rid of these feelings of shame.
    • By the next morning, Mr. Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam are gone. Boo.
    • Lady Catherine invites the guests from the parsonage over to visit a couple more times before Elizabeth and Maria are supposed to leave, though.
    • Her ladyship insults Chinese zombie-slaying techniques and sticks her nose into everyone's business.
    • When Elizabeth has a quiet moment, she reflects on what a bummer it is that her younger sisters are so flighty and won't learn to be as dedicated to killing the undead as she is. It's too bad.
    • On Saturday morning, Elizabeth and Maria get in the carriage to head home.
    • Elizabeth knows this is the last time she'll see Charlotte, as she's almost totally transformed into a zombie. Good-bye, dear friend.
    • On the path to London, the carriage passes by a church: zombies have killed everyone inside. The unmentionables have no mercy.
    • In London, Elizabeth and Maria stay for a few days at the Gardiners'. From there, Jane will head home with them.
    • Elizabeth is looking forward to telling her about Mr. Darcy…not so much the Mr. Bingley part, though.
    • When Elizabeth, Jane, and Maria arrive back home, they're greeted by Kitty and Lydia, who give them the rundown of all the gossip they've missed.
    • Lydia wants to go on a trip to Brighton, and the militia is leaving in two weeks, but—good news—Mr. Wickham isn't going to marry that rich girl, after all.
    • Lydia talks so much that Elizabeth imagines chopping her head off to get her to shut up.
    • Back at home, Mr. Bennet is happy to see Elizabeth again.
    • And Elizabeth is secretly happy that the militia is on its way out of Meryton. She can't guarantee that she won't try to kill Mr. Wickham if she runs into him in town.
    • Finally, Elizabeth tells Jane that Mr. Darcy proposed to her and that Mr. Wickham is the bad guy, after all. She leaves out the part about Mr. Bingley, though.
    • Elizabeth asks Jane if she should tell everyone that Mr. Wickham is a big, fat liar. Jane doesn't think it's a good idea. Plus, he'll be gone soon. Problem solved, right?
    • Besides, it would be terrible if Mr. Darcy and Mr. Wickham had to fight to death over all this. Better leave it alone.
  • Chapters 41-45

    • The Bennet sisters are trying to pass the time before the militia leaves Meryton when Lydia gets invited to go to Brighton with Mrs. Forester.
    • Elizabeth tells her father that this is a bad idea. A very bad idea. Lydia is supposed to be a warrior, not a silly girl chasing after officers.
    • But Mr. Bennet thinks the trip is no biggie, so Lydia is allowed to go.
    • Right before the militia is supposed to leave, Elizabeth runs into Mr. Wickham at a party. He tries to talk her up, but Elizabeth is not having it.
    • Elizabeth mentions the stable boy incident to him, and Mr. Wickham gets embarrassed.
    • Yup. She's got you figured out, bro. Good riddance.
    • A few weeks after Lydia has left for Brighton, Elizabeth and the Gardiners are supposed to set off on their trip. But Mr. Gardiner has to change plans at the last minute due to zombie troubles in London, so they decide to go to Derbyshire instead of the Lakes.
    • One evening, before they've all left, Elizabeth sees some zombies roasting in the flames of the burning grounds near her house. Good times.
    • The trip to Derbyshire is lovely until Elizabeth and company get to the village of Lambton. This is where Mrs. Gardiner grew up, and it's very close to Pemberley, which is Mr. Darcy's estate. Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner decide they'd like to see the house.
    • Elizabeth doesn't think that's such a great idea. But she changes her mind once she hears that Mr. Darcy is in London.
    • Pemberley, here they come.
    • The Gardiners and Elizabeth drive their carriage up to Pemberley, and the house is really a sight to see. The entire thing is decorated like a Japanese palace, complete with stone dragons and a jade door. Very posh.
    • Inside, the housekeeper, Mrs. Reynolds, gives Elizabeth and the Gardiners a tour of the house and talks about Mr. Wickham and Georgiana.
    • Mrs. Reynolds also mentions that Mr. Darcy is probably the best guy ever to walk the planet. The kindest, the most generous, and the most lethal. You get the idea.
    • Once Elizabeth and the Gardiners finish seeing the inside of the house, they wander outside. There, Elizabeth sees a herd of about twenty-five zombies rushing toward them from the woods.
    • Elizabeth starts to fight off the first few zombies when she hears a gun shot. The rest of the zombies scatter, and Elizabeth notices a man on horseback with a smoking gun in his hand.
    • Mr. Darcy's home.
    • It's an awkward meeting, but they all make some small talk, and Mr. Darcy goes inside.
    • Elizabeth and the Gardiners decide to take a walk around the grounds (being careful to avoid zombies), and Mr. Darcy comes out to meet up with them. He's weirdly nice the whole time.
    • Mr. Darcy invites Mr. Gardiner back to shoot fish and tells Elizabeth that she should come by and meet his sister soon. See? A zombie slayer and a gentleman.
    • After they leave, Elizabeth fills the Gardiners in on Mr. Wickham and his dastardly deeds.
    • The next morning, Mr. Darcy, Georgiana, and Mr. Bingley come to visit the Gardiners and Elizabeth and invite them to dinner.
    • That night, Elizabeth tries to sort out her feelings about Mr. Darcy. Clearly, she doesn't want to kill him anymore. In fact, she figures out that she actually cares about him a little bit. But does she love him?
    • Elizabeth knows more about beheading zombies than love, so this is actually a pretty tough question.
    • The next morning, Mrs. Gardiner and Elizabeth decide to visit Georgiana at Pemberley.
    • Caroline and Louisa are there, of course. They're also not too happy to see Elizabeth hanging around Mr. Darcy's crib.
    • Caroline and Louisa are super rude to Elizabeth, but she stays calm and cool the whole time (and manages not to punch anyone in the face).
    • Mr. Darcy obviously wants his sister to get to know Elizabeth better, which makes Caroline even more upset.
    • When Elizabeth leaves, Caroline starts insulting her, and Mr. Darcy finally has knock her down a peg. Verbally. Though if there were any time to punch Caroline Bingley in the face, this would be it.
  • Chapters 46-50

    • When Elizabeth comes back to the inn, she finds two letters from Jane. It's not good news.
    • Turns out Lydia has run away to marry Mr. Wickham. That, or she's been kidnapped, and Mr. Wickham is going to murder her. Either way, it's very bad.
    • Elizabeth is about to rush to find her aunt and uncle when Mr. Darcy walks in.
    • Elizabeth tells Mr. Darcy everything, and he heads out as soon as he hears. Well, there goes any chance Elizabeth might have had of rekindling that spark.
    • When the Gardiners come back to the inn, they pack up everything and head back to Hertfordshire to see what can be done to save Lydia from the villainous Mr. Wickham.
    • The Gardiners and Elizabeth head back to Hertfordshire. On the way, they discuss their theories about Lydia and Wickham—and pass by a battlefield littered with bodies. Gross.
    • At Longbourn, Elizabeth gets the rundown from Jane.
    • Basically, Lydia ran off with Mr. Wickham and intended to marry him in Scotland. Colonel Forester chased after them, but Mr. Wickham shot at the colonel, and the couple didn't end up going to Scotland—and didn't end up getting married. They're hiding out somewhere in London.
    • Mr. Bennet is there trying to find the two of them right now.
    • Mary and Kitty have sworn blood oaths to kill Mr. Wickham.
    • Mrs. Bennet is up in her room freaking out and vomiting all over the place.
    • In short, it's not a pretty sight in the Bennet household.
    • So, Mr. Gardiner heads to London to join Mr. Bennet in searching for Mr. Wickham.
    • As the girls wait at home, a letter arrives from Mr. Collins. It says that he's sorry about the whole Lydia business. It also says that Charlotte is dead (who knew she was a zombie all along?).
    • Mr. Bennet comes back from London and joins the family at home. He's pretty bummed about how things have turned out. Maybe it was a mistake to raise his daughters to be warriors instead of teaching them about the world?
    • And everyone just sits and waits for more news. Waiting is the hardest part.
    • Two days after Mr. Bennet gets back, good news follows him.
    • It seems that Mr. Gardiner was able to track down Mr. Wickham and Lydia. They're not married, but they plan to be.
    • Mr. Wickham and Lydia have to get married in London, though, because Mr. Wickham's been injured in a terrible carriage accident. He'll probably never walk again. Luckily, he'll have Lydia to care for him for the rest of his life.
    • Wow. So lucky.
    • Mr. Bennet thinks it's all a little fishy. He thinks Mr. Gardiner must have paid Mr. Wickham a lot of money to marry Lydia.
    • But Mrs. Bennet is thrilled. She even stops vomiting.
    • Jane and Elizabeth are just glad the whole family drama is over. Now Mary and Kitty won't have to kill Mr. Wickham, after all. That's nice.
    • Eventually, everyone hears that Lydia and Mr. Wickham are gonna get hitched, which is good for the Bennet family, because the whole thing isn't such a scandal anymore.
    • Elizabeth also thinks about Mr. Darcy. There's no way he'd ever want to marry her now and have Mr. Wickham for a brother-in-law.
    • It's a shame, because Elizabeth just realized that she and Mr. Darcy would be kind of perfect for each other. They could travel all over England fighting zombies side by side.
    • Mr. Gardiner writes to say that Lydia and Mr. Wickham are headed to Ireland. Mr. Wickham is going to be a clergyman. Good luck with that profession.
    • Lydia would like to stop by Longbourn before she leaves the country, though. That's cool with everyone she nearly disgraced, right?
  • Chapters 51-55

    • Lydia and Mr. Wickham make their grand appearance at Longbourn as husband and wife.
    • Lydia is totally psyched. She keeps showing off her ring and demanding that everyone call her "Mrs. Wickham."
    • Mr. Wickham has to be carried by servants and can barley talk because he's so bruised and crippled from his carriage accident. Plus, he smells like he's soiled himself.
    • One morning, Lydia starts to tell Elizabeth all about her wedding, and she lets it slip that Mr. Darcy was there.
    • Say what?
    • Why on earth was Mr. Darcy at the wedding of Lydia and Mr. Wickham? Lydia won't say any more, so Elizabeth writes to Mrs. Gardiner to get the details.
    • Mrs. Gardiner writes to explain the reason Mr. Darcy was at the wedding—he pretty much figured out everything between Lydia and Wickham. He found them in London and then convinced Mr. Wickham to marry Lydia by paying him. He also beat Mr. Wickham until he couldn't walk again and then said it was a carriage accident.
    • That part was just for vengeance…and fun.
    • Elizabeth can hardly believe what she's read. Mr. Darcy did all that for Lydia. Nuts.
    • Then Mr. Wickham comes by and tries to strike up a conversation, but Elizabeth isn't having it. She sees right through him.
    • This guy has totally lost his charm. He's also soiled himself again.
    • Lydia and Mr. Wickham leave for Ireland soon after. It's good riddance, but Mrs. Bennet misses Lydia a lot.
    • Pretty soon after that, the family hears that Mr. Bingley is coming back to Netherfield…with Mr. Darcy.
    • The two men stop by for a visit one day, and Mrs. Bennet is mortifying as usual.
    • Elizabeth is especially trying to keep her cool. She's trying to remind herself that she's a warrior who fears no man, but it's obvious that she's head over heels for Mr. Darcy. What does he think of her?
    • Mrs. Bennet invites Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy back for a family dinner. This should be interesting.
    • It's the night of the dinner, and Mr. Bingley sits by Jane. We're liking this development.
    • Elizabeth keeps eyeing Mr. Darcy, but they're not really able to talk.
    • Instead, Mr. Darcy has to sit next to Mrs. Bennet during dinner. Ugh.
    • It's awful, because Elizabeth knows that her family owes Mr. Darcy big time for saving Lydia from scandal. She wishes she could jump up on the table and administer the seven cuts of shame to show him how sorry she is for all this.
    • After dinner, Elizabeth keeps hoping Mr. Darcy will come over and talk to her, but it's no use.
    • Then Elizabeth realizes that it's probably a lost cause. This guy would rather propose to a zombie than ask her to marry him again. Sigh.
    • Mr. Darcy eventually heads back to London for a bit, but Mr. Bingley keeps visiting.
    • Mrs. Bennet keeps trying to get Mr. Bingley and Jane alone so they can, well, you know. Okay, maybe you don't know—so he can propose to her.
    • One day, after Mr. Bingley and Mr. Bennet get back from zombie hunting, it finally works. Mr. Bingley gets down on one knee and makes Jane the happiest girl in all of Hertfordshire.
    • Everyone is thrilled for Jane, but Elizabeth can't help wonder if she'll ever find the same happiness…outside, cutting down the legions of the undead, that is.
    • Hey, a girl can dream, can't she?
  • Chapters 56-61

    • About a week after Jane and Mr. Bingley get engaged, Lady Catherine suddenly shows up one morning at Longbourn.
    • Yeah, it's weird, but Lady Catherine wants to talk to Elizabeth, and she's pretty ticked off. She demands to know if Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth are engaged. Elizabeth tells her the sad truth—they're not.
    • The two women exchange some words and then—obviously—engage in a fight to the death.
    • Lady Catherine and her ninjas injure Elizabeth pretty badly, but Elizabeth gets the better of the old lady in the end. She has the chance to cut off Lady Catherine's head, but she lets her live. She suspects Mr. Darcy wouldn't be so thrilled if she killed his aunt. Mercy is a virtue, isn't it?
    • Lady Catherine leaves Longbourn in a huff, knowing she's been beaten by a girl of low birth who trained in China. Gross.
    • The next morning, Mr. Bennet mentions to Elizabeth that he's received a letter. It's from Colonel Fitzwilliam, and it's about her. That's weird.
    • In it, Colonel Fitzwilliam says that he's heard that Elizabeth might be marrying Mr. Darcy—and that it's probably not a good idea if Lady Catherine doesn't approve.
    • Mr. Bennet thinks the whole thing is a joke. The whole family knows how much Elizabeth hates Mr. Darcy, right?
    • Oh, if they only knew the truth…
    • A few days after Lady Catherine's visit, Mr. Bingley brings Mr. Darcy back to Longbourn with him.
    • Jane and Mr. Bingley decide to take a walk, and Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy go with them. When they're finally alone, Elizabeth tells Mr. Darcy that she knows all about what he did for Lydia. He really deserves the thanks of her entire family.
    • Mr. Darcy tells Elizabeth it's cool and then confesses that he still loves her. Elizabeth tells him she loves him right back. Awwww.
    • Mr. Darcy explains that he came back to Hertfordshire because Lady Catherine stopped in London to tell him she and Elizabeth had fought but that Elizabeth decided not to behead her. Mr. Darcy knew he must have a chance with Elizabeth if she wasn't out for Lady Catherine's blood.
    • Mr. Darcy also mentions that he told Mr. Bingley that Jane actually did love him, and that she was in London last spring, but that he kept that little tidbit a secret. That's the reason why Jane is engaged right now.
    • Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy walk on for a while and then they see a bunch of zombies in a field. This is their first chance to slay some zombies together. Oh, doing couple things is so fun.
    • That night, Elizabeth tells Jane that she's gonna marry Mr. Darcy, and Jane almost doesn't believe her. This isn't gonna go smoothly.
    • The next night, Mr. Darcy asks Mr. Bennet if he can marry Elizabeth. Of course, Mr. Bennet says it's fine, but he wants to talk to Elizabeth.
    • Mr. Bennet asks his daughter if she's really ready to put aside her zombie-slaying duties for a man like this: a proud, arrogant jerk everyone knows she hates.
    • Elizabeth explains that she actually likes Mr. Darcy. Loves him, in fact. Plus, he helped Lydia out of that tight spot recently.
    • Mrs. Bennet is over the moon when she finds out about the engagement. Elizabeth is gonna be rich beyond her wildest dreams, and that's all that really matters, right?
    • Now that Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy have everything figured out, Elizabeth wants to know why exactly he fell in love with her.
    • Maybe it's because Elizabeth was a fierce warrior who was used to smiting her enemies and bathing in their blood? Not a lot of women out there like that.
    • Mr. Darcy writes to Lady Catherine to tell her the good news, and Elizabeth writes to Mrs. Gardiner to let her know that she might want to save the date.
    • Georgiana Darcy is also way thrilled. Maybe she and Elizabeth can practice zombie-slaying techniques together? Sisterly love is awesome.
    • Elizabeth and Jane are both married. Yay.
    • With the two oldest Bennet girls gone from Hertfordshire, zombie attacks start happening a lot more often. Luckily, Kitty decides to head back to China to train more fully, and Mary devotes herself to defending their home.
    • Lydia visits Pemberley sometimes, but never with Mr. Wickham. He's too busy soiling himself and ministering to the lame.
    • Elizabeth and Georgiana become the best of friends once they're both living at Pemberley. They spend many happy hours training in the deadly arts.
    • Eventually, Jane and Mr. Bingley buy a house near Pemberley, and their husbands put a training cottage between the two homes so that the sisters can meet to sharpen their zombie-slaying skills.
    • Lady Catherine is so enraged by Mr. Darcy's marriage that she sends her ninjas to attack Pemberley, but no one in the family is injured. The ninjas don't fare so well.
    • Zombies keep plaguing England, but the Bennet sisters still live to protect it.
  • Appendix

    Why England?

    • This appendix to the novel is a sermon delivered by the Rev. Richard Manville on Christmas Eve in 1799.
    • Sadly, the Reverend is killed by a mob of zombies just four days after he gives this speech. Bummer.
    • The sermon asks this basic question: why has this horrific plague of zombies come to England? Why not France or America or Greece instead?
    • The Reverend believes it's because God knew only the English could defeat the zombie menace. It's their stoic resolve in the face of death that sets them apart from those of other countries.
    • The English? They keep calm and slay on.