The wacky cast of characters in Sideways Stories is mostly made up of kids—twenty-eight of them, to be exact, who make up the entire class on the thirtieth floor. We never find out their age or grade, although since Rondi is missing her two front teeth, we'll guess they're first or second-graders—as with all things Wayside though, it's impossible to tell.
Even though the kids on the thirtieth floor go to a pretty strange school, and some of them have pretty unusual problems, they have one thing in common: they all seem just like kids you might know in real life. None of them are perfect—they tease each other, get into trouble, fight on the playground, and struggle with math and spelling—but they also stand up for each other, cheer for each other, and save each other from demonic teachers who want to turn them into apples.
Even if Stephen has green hair, and Joe can't say numbers in the right order, and Leslie wants to sell her toes, these kids are just regular kids. And all of them are different. Here's a quick guide to the twenty-eight students on the thirtieth floor:
- Joe: Has curly hair and can't count in the right order. His best friend is John.
- Sharie: Wears a giant parka to school and sleeps through every class.
- Todd: Can't stop talking in class, though this comes in handy when bank robbers visit the school.
- Bebe: The "fastest draw in Mrs. Jewls' class" (6.1), she wants to produce copious amounts of artwork. Calvin is her best friend and assistant.
- Calvin: Bebe's assistant in art class, and Mrs. Jewls' recruit to deliver a non-existent note.
- Myron: Class president for only a day, but the best listener around.
- Maurecia: Sweet and well-liked. Loves ice cream, but only learns to love her classmates after tasting ice cream flavored just like them.
- Paul: Sits behind Leslie, and driven to distraction by her two tempting pigtails dangling in front of his face.
- Dana: Wears glasses, and plagued by countless mosquito bites—until it turns out she can count them after all.
- Jason: Has the second-biggest mouth in Mrs. Jewls's class, which gets him stuck to his seat with bubble-gum. His best friend is Stephen.
- Rondi: Missing her two front teeth, and endlessly frustrated when people talk about how much they love those missing teeth. Allison is her best friend.
- Sammy: A dead rat in a raincoat who doesn't stay long, but makes a big stink while he's around. Really.
- Deedee: Big fan of recess who tries to hatch a scheme to finally get a high-bouncing green ball from Louis.
- D.J.: Huge, wonderful smile. Happy for no reason. His best friend is Dameon.
- John: Can only read upside-down, and can't stand on his very round head. Joe is his best bud.
- Leslie: Has two long pigtails and doesn't understand why she needs her toes, so she tries to sell them to Louis.
- Kathy: Hates everyone. The feeling is mutual.
- Ron: Has tiny feet, but wants to play kickball, even though he's terrible at kickball. He is not terrible at punching, though.
- Eric Fry: Best athlete in class. Nicknamed "Butterfingers."
- Eric Bacon: Skinniest kid in class. Nicknamed "Fatso."
- Eric Ovens: Nicest person in class. Nicknamed "Crabapple."
- Allison: Very pretty and generous to a fault. Gives things away to teachers. Best friend is Rondi.
- Dameon: Recruited to run up and down stairs to deliver messages to Louis. D.J. is his best friend.
- Jenny: Turns Mrs. Gorf into an apple. Mistakenly goes to school on a weekend.
- Terrence: A "good athlete but a terrible sport" (26.1), who won't stop kicking balls over the fence.
- Joy: Biggest mouth in class. Steals Dameon's lunch and talks her way out of it, but regrets it later when nothing tastes good anymore.
- Nancy: Hates his name, but swaps with his best friend, a girl named "Mac."
- Stephen: Has green hair and just wants to celebrate Halloween. Defeats the ghost of Mrs. Gorf with a hug. His best friend is Jason.