Elliott and Michael leave for school, debating E.T.'s intelligence. Elliott thinks E.T. is smart. Michael just wants to make sure that they're not going to "wake up on Mars or something, surrounded by millions of little squashy guys."
At the bus stop, Michael's trio of friends ask Elliott about the "goblin" that he found and generally make fun of him. Because they're teenagers. Michael looks uncomfortable.
If Michael looked uncomfortable on the street, he looks super-uncomfortable—and worried—on the bus. And not just because it's pandemonium and everyone's inexplicably pummeling one particular kid with paper.
Back at home, Mom's trying to get Gertie off to school when she hears noises coming from upstairs. She heads straight for Elliott's colossal closet.
E.T. goes glassy-eyed and pretends to be one of the huge stuffed animals. Mom's fooled and leaves. E.T. breathes a sigh of relief.
At school, Elliott's class is preparing to dissect frogs. Elliott's sketching E.T., and has labeled the sketch E.T. Phew! We were right; that is E.T.
Home alone, E.T. emerges from Elliott's room in a plaid bathrobe. Harvey approaches. After a tense moment, it's clear that they're BFFs now. Aww.
The story starts bouncing rapidly between Elliott at school and E.T. at home. Here we go.
Elliott's teacher roams around the classroom, explaining how the frog dissection's going to go down.
E.T. heads to the fridge for a snack. He tries potato salad, hates it, and chucks it on the floor. Then he chugs an entire can of Coors beer.
E.T. stumbles around the kitchen. He looks drunk.
Elliott looks drowsy.
E.T. runs into a cabinet.
Elliott struggles to keep his eyes open and starts sliding down in his seat.
E.T. face-plants on the kitchen floor.
Elliott slides all the way out of his seat and onto the floor, startling his classmates.
E.T. cracks open another Coors.
Elliott pulls himself back into his seat with an intoxicated smile.
E.T. polishes off a beer and crushes the can.
Elliott swoons in his seat and makes eyes over his shoulder at the cute blonde girl in the next row of desks.
E.T. plays with a Speak & Spell and turns on the TV.
What's a Speak & Spell? We're glad you asked, young Shmooper. It's a computer for kids to help them, well, speak and spell words. Think of it like a really, really basic iPad. If you've ever listened to Beck, Kraftwerk, or Coldplay, you may have heard some Speak & Spell sounds being sampled. (Then again, if you listen to Kraftwerk, you're probably old enough to remember the Speak & Spell firsthand.)
Back at school, Elliott's teacher hands out cotton balls dipped in chloroform so the kids can get to froggy killin'. Elliott chucks his cotton ball into the jar with his frog and puts the lid on very loosely. He starts talking to the frog, asking it if it can talk. It doesn't respond.
E.T. rests on the kitchen counter and picks up the newspaper. He looks at a Buck Rogers comic, where Buck's made a working communication device. A long distance telephone carrier commercial distracts E.T. He looks at the phone. He looks at the comic. He looks up and straight head. By Jove, I think the little squashy guy has an idea.
Elliott murmurs, "Save him." Then he chucks his frog out of the jar and tells it to run for its life.
Then he begins liberating all of the nearby kids' frogs, screaming, "I want to save you! Let's get out of here!" The other kids happily follow suit.
The teacher grabs Elliott by the arm. Elliott looks up at him and yells, "You've gotta save him!" before breaking free of his grasp.
E.T. messes around with the Speak & Spell while watching The Quiet Man, starring John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara.
In the classroom, the kids and frogs have gone wild. Elliott seems pleased with himself… and still a little bit hammered.
In The Quiet Man, the wind rages. John Wayne pulls Maureen O'Hara away from a door dramatically.
Elliott does the same to the blonde girl he was admiring before.
Wayne pulls O'Hara into a passionate embrace and kisses her. E.T. watches with rapt attention.
Elliott pulls Blondie into melodramatic kissing position, but she's too tall. He grabs the nearest kid, shoves him to the ground, and stands on his back. Now Elliott's tall enough to plant on one her and he does. Smooth, Elliott. Really smooth.
E.T.'s still staring at the TV, enamored.
The teacher tears Elliott the pint-sized Casanova away from Blondie. The kids toss frogs out the window by the handful. And it all ends with a close-up of the back of Blondie's shoes. She turns in her right toe inward. Frogs leap past her and out of the building, as Elliott's led away by the teacher in the background. Stay strong, mini-Casanova.