Punctuation Introduction

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Like grammar nerds like to say, punctuation is a matter of life and death. There's a huge difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma."

Ba-dum ching!

Yes, grammarians can also be cornballs. But grammar truly is a matter of life and death… of your dignity as a writer. And as a human being.

You could write that, "Rachel Ray finds inspiration in cooking her family and her dog." Oof.

You could post a sign in the disabled/family restroom at your establishment that reads "Attention: toilet only for disabled elderly pregnant children." Oof. Oof. And also—what?!

And it ain't just commas that spell the difference between cannibalism and family dining or embarrassment and writing proficiency.

Without periods, you could end up writing "I have two hours to kill someone come hang out." (Terrifying.)

Overindulgence in quotation marks could have you saying that your restaurant serves the best "chicken" in town, leading hungry would-be patrons to think "Uh, what is that chicken really made out of?"

Basically, all punctuation is there for a reason. It shows degrees of separation and emphasis. In fact, when you think about it, punctuation symbols are a lot like road signs. No, they're not huge and green. They tell your reader when to look alive and anticipate, when to slow down, and when to come to a complete stop.

Simply put, punctuation symbols are a powerful tool. Use them to get your audience to read your writing exactly how you want it to be read. Feel the power!

Disclaimer

Punctuation is, uh, kind of made up.

See, it was originally used to help people know when to pause in a sentence. Comma was a short pause, semi-colon was a longer pause, and period was a full stop. So who are we to tell you that YOU CANNOT USE A COMMA THERE?

Plus, with the thousand ways we now have to communicate, punctuation is always changing. Remember when a period didn't mean you were angry? Those were the days.

Bottom line: take everything everyone says about punctuation with a grain of salt. Yes, you need to pass your grammar exam, but you don't need to deal with grammar tyrants.

Quiz Yourself on Punctuation

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What is problematic about this sentence?


Dwayne's favorite animal at the zoo has always been the long necked giraffe; he seems to identify with its awkwardness.


(A) There should be a hyphen between long and necked because it is technically a compound word.
(B) There should be a hyphen between long and necked to avoid ambiguity in meaning.
(C) The sentence should be split into two because it is a run-on sentence.
(D) The word "its" should be changed to "it's" because it is functioning as a possessive pronoun.

Identify the grammatical error in the following passage.


The researcher hypothesized that giving women chocolate would make them happier, indeed, that was the main outcome of his study. What was the other outcome of his study? His love life improved dramatically.


(A) There is a fragment.
(B) There is a run-on sentence.
(C) There is a rhetorical question.
(D) There is no grammatical error.

Read the passage below: 


Danny and Sandra went apple-picking last weekend at Plump and Juicy Orchards. The sun was shining and the birds were singing. Sandra was determined to find the five juiciest apples because she wanted to bake an apple crisp. ________________. However, he did not expect that it would take them over three hours of searching. Sandra was pretty picky, but Danny was sure that only meant that this apple crisp was going to be the best one he's ever had.


Which sentence should be inserted into the blank?

(A) Danny knew that Sandra was an amazing baker, he said he would go along with the plan.
(B) Danny was willing to help her; since apple crisps were his absolute favorite dessert.
(C) Danny really liked the taste of baked apples so he was willing to along with the plan.
(D) Danny was willing to go along with this plan; he really liked the taste of baked apples.

You are submitting your resume to Build-A-Bear Workshop for the holiday season. Which option does not belong in your oh-so-professional "Why You Should Hire Me" section?

(A) I have never met a kid I did not like!
(B) I tend to identify with young children, so I can entertain them!
(C) If you knew what a hard worker I am, you would not think twice about hiring me!
(D) I would truly love the opportunity to work for your company!

Which of the following sentences are grammatically correct?

I. I have always wanted to travel to Africa (that's where zebras live!) even though I know I will have to get about twenty different vaccines.

II. I went to a Lady Antebellum concert (Country music is my favorite.), and Keith Urban showed up as a surprise guest!

(A) I
(B) II
(C) Both I and II
(D) Neither I nor II

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