Punctuation Introduction

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Like grammar nerds like to say, punctuation is a matter of life and death. There's a huge difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma."

Ba-dum ching!

Yes, grammarians can also be cornballs. But grammar truly is a matter of life and death… of your dignity as a writer. And as a human being.

You could write that, "Rachel Ray finds inspiration in cooking her family and her dog." Oof.

You could post a sign in the disabled/family restroom at your establishment that reads "Attention: toilet only for disabled elderly pregnant children." Oof. Oof. And also—what?!

And it ain't just commas that spell the difference between cannibalism and family dining or embarrassment and writing proficiency.

Without periods, you could end up writing "I have two hours to kill someone come hang out." (Terrifying.)

Overindulgence in quotation marks could have you saying that your restaurant serves the best "chicken" in town, leading hungry would-be patrons to think "Uh, what is that chicken really made out of?"

Basically, all punctuation is there for a reason. It shows degrees of separation and emphasis. In fact, when you think about it, punctuation symbols are a lot like road signs. No, they're not huge and green. They tell your reader when to look alive and anticipate, when to slow down, and when to come to a complete stop.

Simply put, punctuation symbols are a powerful tool. Use them to get your audience to read your writing exactly how you want it to be read. Feel the power!

Disclaimer

Punctuation is, uh, kind of made up.

See, it was originally used to help people know when to pause in a sentence. Comma was a short pause, semi-colon was a longer pause, and period was a full stop. So who are we to tell you that YOU CANNOT USE A COMMA THERE?

Plus, with the thousand ways we now have to communicate, punctuation is always changing. Remember when a period didn't mean you were angry? Those were the days.

Bottom line: take everything everyone says about punctuation with a grain of salt. Yes, you need to pass your grammar exam, but you don't need to deal with grammar tyrants.

Quiz Yourself on Punctuation

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Identify the grammatically incorrect sentence.

(A) Uncle Martin wanted to go to the carnival (due to his love of Ferris wheels), but he's getting open-heart surgery tomorrow.
(B) Chelsea always has cravings for the weirdest, most unhealthy foods you could imagine (fried Twinkies, chocolate-dipped tofu, and corn dog pizza.)
(C) All of the flowers in the Queen's garden (even the roses and chrysanthemums) survived the harsh winter and are now in full bloom.
(D) She literally sprinted to Starbuck's (the one a block away); apparently she needed her coffee fix!

Choose the sentence that should have a semicolon inserted in the blank.

(A) For some reason my puppy really likes the color orange__ so I bought him a stuffed tiger to chew on tonight.
(B) When Jake grows up to be big and strong__I expect that he will be the greatest firefighter Flamesville has ever seen.
(C) In the car my cousin said he wanted rainbow sherbet__ however he started crying when we did not get him chocolate.
(D) Everyone knows that cheetahs are the fastest animals__ but what most people don't know is that they are also extremely lazy.

Identify the grammatical error in the following passage.


The researcher hypothesized that giving women chocolate would make them happier, indeed, that was the main outcome of his study. What was the other outcome of his study? His love life improved dramatically.


(A) There is a fragment.
(B) There is a run-on sentence.
(C) There is a rhetorical question.
(D) There is no grammatical error.

Which sentence uses correct punctuation?

(A) All babysitters know that when a three year old asks for ice cream, you give him ice cream.
(B) The five-year-old girl wanted a bejeweled rocking horse for Christmas.
(C) Even though he was fourteen-years-old, the boy asked for toy soldiers for his birthday.
(D) My little sister loves to play with dolls; she is such a typical six year old.

Identify the error in the passage that follows.


The fall is Leif's favorite time of year because the leaves change colors. Instead of that boring old green, they turn into tones of deep reds, sparkling oranges, and bright yellows. If it were socially acceptable to frolic in leaves all day, Leif would certainly do it. Playing in a pile of bright color just brings him so much joy, he feels at peace with Mother Nature while communing with the leaves. However, he also doesn't like when strangers stare at him like a crazy person, so he tries to contain his love of leaves while in public.


(A) day, Leif
(B) joy, he
(C) person, so
(D) I see no error here, no matter how much you beg for me to find one.

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