Punctuation Introduction

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Like grammar nerds like to say, punctuation is a matter of life and death. There's a huge difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma."

Ba-dum ching!

Yes, grammarians can also be cornballs. But grammar truly is a matter of life and death… of your dignity as a writer. And as a human being.

You could write that, "Rachel Ray finds inspiration in cooking her family and her dog." Oof.

You could post a sign in the disabled/family restroom at your establishment that reads "Attention: toilet only for disabled elderly pregnant children." Oof. Oof. And also—what?!

And it ain't just commas that spell the difference between cannibalism and family dining or embarrassment and writing proficiency.

Without periods, you could end up writing "I have two hours to kill someone come hang out." (Terrifying.)

Overindulgence in quotation marks could have you saying that your restaurant serves the best "chicken" in town, leading hungry would-be patrons to think "Uh, what is that chicken really made out of?"

Basically, all punctuation is there for a reason. It shows degrees of separation and emphasis. In fact, when you think about it, punctuation symbols are a lot like road signs. No, they're not huge and green. They tell your reader when to look alive and anticipate, when to slow down, and when to come to a complete stop.

Simply put, punctuation symbols are a powerful tool. Use them to get your audience to read your writing exactly how you want it to be read. Feel the power!

Disclaimer

Punctuation is, uh, kind of made up.

See, it was originally used to help people know when to pause in a sentence. Comma was a short pause, semi-colon was a longer pause, and period was a full stop. So who are we to tell you that YOU CANNOT USE A COMMA THERE?

Plus, with the thousand ways we now have to communicate, punctuation is always changing. Remember when a period didn't mean you were angry? Those were the days.

Bottom line: take everything everyone says about punctuation with a grain of salt. Yes, you need to pass your grammar exam, but you don't need to deal with grammar tyrants.

Quiz Yourself on Punctuation

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Which of the following sentences is MOST grammatically sound?

(A) Every night I wash my face, brush my teeth, write in my diary, call my grandmother, count to 100 sheep, and go to bed.
(B) The new cupcake bakery that opened up next to our school has tantalizing flavors: butterscotch bliss, death by dark chocolate, peanut butter party and strawberry soiree.
(C) My dad's new car is silver, but the dealer had more exciting options, such as racy red, kiwi green and blue thunder.
(D) Gina, George and Geoff forgot to grab the three-dozen balloons we made for the party last night.

Which of the following statements is least grammatically correct?

(A) The teacher loved to exact cruel and unusual punishments on his students—normally in the form of a pop quiz with twenty questions.
(B) The helicopter pilot was handling the simulator with ease—when a monkey crossed his path and forced him to crash into a tree!
(C) The clown did an amazing job with his face make-up—even adults were scared of his creepy fake grin.
(D) The farmer could not imagine living in a city—how do those people survive not being surrounded by the beauty of nature?

Which sentence in the following passage should end with a question mark, not a period? 


Jerome's first day of high school was not the best of days. (1) First of all, his mom dropped him off late. Next, he walked into a class of all seniors. (2) Not the nicest group of people, they asked him if he was a lost puppy dog. (3) Wasn't that obnoxious. He eventually made it to the right classroom, but he was so flustered that he could only stammer out his name. (4) These kinds of days happen to the best of us.


(A) (1)
(B) (2)
(C) (3)
(D) (4)

Which of the following options has incorrect punctuation?

(A) As identical twins, Anna and Annie's fashion sense could not be more similar, making it virtually impossible to tell them apart.
(B) I grew up in the city, and my boyfriend grew up on a farm. Let's just say that Willard's and my approaches to life contrast significantly.
(C) The remaining two people on the team had to split a sandwich, but Yesenia and Judy's taste buds were no match made in heaven.
(D) Grandpa went to the doctor yesterday, and thankfully for the doctor, his and Pa's opinions matched up quite well.

Which sentence is grammatically correct?

(A) The merchant said, "Sir Knight, if you like the armor I have made, please tell others, 'I got it from Andrew's Awesome Armory.'"
(B) The jousting tournament began in earnest when the king announced, "Jousters, to the ready. Let the games begin"!
(C) The first contestant wanted to yell, "Die, festering scum," but settled for 'yeehaw' instead.
(D) The lovely royal ladies all giggled when the handsome knight asked, "Which fair lass would like to accompany me to the ball tonight"?

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