Punctuation Introduction

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Like grammar nerds like to say, punctuation is a matter of life and death. There's a huge difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma."

Ba-dum ching!

Yes, grammarians can also be cornballs. But grammar truly is a matter of life and death… of your dignity as a writer. And as a human being.

You could write that, "Rachel Ray finds inspiration in cooking her family and her dog." Oof.

You could post a sign in the disabled/family restroom at your establishment that reads "Attention: toilet only for disabled elderly pregnant children." Oof. Oof. And also—what?!

And it ain't just commas that spell the difference between cannibalism and family dining or embarrassment and writing proficiency.

Without periods, you could end up writing "I have two hours to kill someone come hang out." (Terrifying.)

Overindulgence in quotation marks could have you saying that your restaurant serves the best "chicken" in town, leading hungry would-be patrons to think "Uh, what is that chicken really made out of?"

Basically, all punctuation is there for a reason. It shows degrees of separation and emphasis. In fact, when you think about it, punctuation symbols are a lot like road signs. No, they're not huge and green. They tell your reader when to look alive and anticipate, when to slow down, and when to come to a complete stop.

Simply put, punctuation symbols are a powerful tool. Use them to get your audience to read your writing exactly how you want it to be read. Feel the power!

Disclaimer

Punctuation is, uh, kind of made up.

See, it was originally used to help people know when to pause in a sentence. Comma was a short pause, semi-colon was a longer pause, and period was a full stop. So who are we to tell you that YOU CANNOT USE A COMMA THERE?

Plus, with the thousand ways we now have to communicate, punctuation is always changing. Remember when a period didn't mean you were angry? Those were the days.

Bottom line: take everything everyone says about punctuation with a grain of salt. Yes, you need to pass your grammar exam, but you don't need to deal with grammar tyrants.

Quiz Yourself on Punctuation

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Which choice is grammatically incorrect?

(A) Every Easter, the Millers host an Easter egg hunt in their backyard for all of kids in our neighborhood. The Millers are very generous people.
(B) After this year's hunt, all but one of the children passed out on the porch in a sugar-induced coma, he stole Mr. Miller's car and left.
(C) The police quickly began tracking Harold, the boy who stole the car; he led them on a manhunt that spanned three counties.
(D) While I stuffed my face with peanut butter eggs, I watched the dramatic chase unfold on CNN with my husband. Little Harold? He was finally apprehended just outside of Atlanta.

What step would you take first to improve this list?


My grandma has certain rules when it comes to cooking in her kitchen:


  1. You never, ever question the genius of the chef: it's their recipe, after all
  2. You always let the chef have the first bite: it's only fair
  3. The chef never does dishes: they've worked too hard already
(A) Replace the first colon with a period
(B) Change the colons in the list to semicolons
(C) Place a period at the end of the list items
(D) No fixing needed

Read the following sentence carefully: 


 College football season is only four months away, ____ die-hard fans are already practicing their group cheers and body painting techniques.


 All of the following choices would make sense inserted into the blank except:

(A) most
(B) therefore
(C) so
(D) I wouldn't insert anything into the blank.

In terms of punctuation, which of the following sentences is most grammatically sound?

(A) Because my brother has to wear sports goggles (everyone calls him laser beam).
(B) I know exactly which page of my diary contains my deepest secrets, but I'm not telling you (132).
(A) She wanted to continue (playing dress up), but her mom thought fourteen was a little too old.
(D) All the children loved the entertainment at the birthday party (Giggles the clown).

The following passage contains an error. What should you do to fix it?


Gloria's flight was due to arrive at 11:45 am, but they had to circle the airport due to weather. When she finally met us at baggage claim, Gloria was exhausted. Her hair was a mess, her cardigan was on inside out, and she was babbling incoherently about Skymall. It was clear that seven hours' worth of canned air, crying babies, and tiny bags of pretzels had driven her insane.


(A) put periods after a and m
(B) capitalize baggage claim
(C) don't capitalize Skymall
(D) take out the apostrophe after hours

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