Punctuation Introduction

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Like grammar nerds like to say, punctuation is a matter of life and death. There's a huge difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma."

Ba-dum ching!

Yes, grammarians can also be cornballs. But grammar truly is a matter of life and death… of your dignity as a writer. And as a human being.

You could write that, "Rachel Ray finds inspiration in cooking her family and her dog." Oof.

You could post a sign in the disabled/family restroom at your establishment that reads "Attention: toilet only for disabled elderly pregnant children." Oof. Oof. And also—what?!

And it ain't just commas that spell the difference between cannibalism and family dining or embarrassment and writing proficiency.

Without periods, you could end up writing "I have two hours to kill someone come hang out." (Terrifying.)

Overindulgence in quotation marks could have you saying that your restaurant serves the best "chicken" in town, leading hungry would-be patrons to think "Uh, what is that chicken really made out of?"

Basically, all punctuation is there for a reason. It shows degrees of separation and emphasis. In fact, when you think about it, punctuation symbols are a lot like road signs. No, they're not huge and green. They tell your reader when to look alive and anticipate, when to slow down, and when to come to a complete stop.

Simply put, punctuation symbols are a powerful tool. Use them to get your audience to read your writing exactly how you want it to be read. Feel the power!

Disclaimer

Punctuation is, uh, kind of made up.

See, it was originally used to help people know when to pause in a sentence. Comma was a short pause, semi-colon was a longer pause, and period was a full stop. So who are we to tell you that YOU CANNOT USE A COMMA THERE?

Plus, with the thousand ways we now have to communicate, punctuation is always changing. Remember when a period didn't mean you were angry? Those were the days.

Bottom line: take everything everyone says about punctuation with a grain of salt. Yes, you need to pass your grammar exam, but you don't need to deal with grammar tyrants.

Quiz Yourself on Punctuation

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Which of the following statements is least grammatically correct?

(A) The teacher loved to exact cruel and unusual punishments on his students—normally in the form of a pop quiz with twenty questions.

(B) The helicopter pilot was handling the simulator with ease—when a monkey crossed his path and forced him to crash into a tree!

(D) The farmer could not imagine living in a city—how do those people survive not being surrounded by the beauty of nature?

Which of the following options uses quotation marks correctly?

I. A huge Chicago Bears fan, Grandpa Leroy once told me, "The wise Vince Lombardi once said, 'Football is like life,' but I would argue that football is life. Literally nothing else matters."

II. I once had a chat with the Geico gecko, who charmingly told me, "You deserve a better car insurance rate." How could he not tell that I am only ten years old?

III. Kara whispered, "She said that he said, 'Yeah, I like her,' with a shrug, but my other sources say he said it with a huge smile on his face. What is a girl to believe?"

(A) I

(B) I and II

(D) All of them

After your teacher tells you to stop writing, she asks everyone to pair up and switch papers with a partner. Your partner likes your paper overall but thinks that one sentence is out of place. Which one is she talking about?

(A) Sunspots may be cooler than their surrounding areas, but their temperatures are still quite high—around 4500 Kelvin!

(B) A "big" sunspot measures 300 to 500 millionths of the Sun's visible hemisphere—that's over two times the entire surface area of Earth.

(D) Sunspots are visible to the naked eye—just make sure you don't stare directly into the Sun!

What is problematic about this sentence?

Dwayne's favorite animal at the zoo has always been the long necked giraffe; he seems to identify with its awkwardness.

(A) There should be a hyphen between long and necked because it is technically a compound word.

(B) There should be a hyphen between long and necked to avoid ambiguity in meaning.

(D) The word "its" should be changed to "it's" because it is functioning as a possessive pronoun.

Choose the option that quotes the statement below correctly.

I would like to thank my parents who devoted so much hard work and so many resources to raising me. I know you two weren't happy about all the acting classes, drama boot camps, and speech therapists I asked you to pay for. But hey, I made it, so you can't say I wasn't worth the expense! In all seriousness, I would not be here accepting the Award for Best Actor if it weren't for you.

(A) "I would like to thank my parents who devoted so much hard work and so many resources to raising me. I would not be here accepting the Award for Best Actor if it weren't for you."

(B) "I would like to thank my parents… I asked you to pay for. But hey, I made it, so you can't say I wasn't worth the expense!"

(C) "I would like to thank my parents for all the hard work and resources they devoted to raising me. I know you two weren't happy about all… I asked you to pay for. But hey, I made it, so you can't say I wasn't worth the expense!"

(D) "I would like to thank my parents who… say I wasn't worth the expense… I would not be here accepting the Award for Best Car Commercial Actor if it weren't for you."

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Punctuation Introduction

Think you know your stuff? CLICK HERE to quiz yourself.

Disclaimer

Quiz Yourself on Punctuation

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