Punctuation Introduction

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Like grammar nerds like to say, punctuation is a matter of life and death. There's a huge difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma."

Ba-dum ching!

Yes, grammarians can also be cornballs. But grammar truly is a matter of life and death… of your dignity as a writer. And as a human being.

You could write that, "Rachel Ray finds inspiration in cooking her family and her dog." Oof.

You could post a sign in the disabled/family restroom at your establishment that reads "Attention: toilet only for disabled elderly pregnant children." Oof. Oof. And also—what?!

And it ain't just commas that spell the difference between cannibalism and family dining or embarrassment and writing proficiency.

Without periods, you could end up writing "I have two hours to kill someone come hang out." (Terrifying.)

Overindulgence in quotation marks could have you saying that your restaurant serves the best "chicken" in town, leading hungry would-be patrons to think "Uh, what is that chicken really made out of?"

Basically, all punctuation is there for a reason. It shows degrees of separation and emphasis. In fact, when you think about it, punctuation symbols are a lot like road signs. No, they're not huge and green. They tell your reader when to look alive and anticipate, when to slow down, and when to come to a complete stop.

Simply put, punctuation symbols are a powerful tool. Use them to get your audience to read your writing exactly how you want it to be read. Feel the power!

Disclaimer

Punctuation is, uh, kind of made up.

See, it was originally used to help people know when to pause in a sentence. Comma was a short pause, semi-colon was a longer pause, and period was a full stop. So who are we to tell you that YOU CANNOT USE A COMMA THERE?

Plus, with the thousand ways we now have to communicate, punctuation is always changing. Remember when a period didn't mean you were angry? Those were the days.

Bottom line: take everything everyone says about punctuation with a grain of salt. Yes, you need to pass your grammar exam, but you don't need to deal with grammar tyrants.

Quiz Yourself on Punctuation

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Which option below revises the sentence to make the dash more appropriate? 


The spider crawled down the wall—and onto my sister's head.


(A) The spider crawled down the wall—landing on my sister's head.
(B) The spider crawled down the wall—and onto my sister's head!
(C) The spider was crawling down the wall—my sister's head was right there.
(D) The spider was crawling down the wall—straight toward my sister's head!

Which of the following options is grammatically correct?

(A) My sisters' crush on Justin Bieber borders on the insane; she's been to thirty of his concerts.
(B) I wanted to get Selena Gomez' autograph, but I was too sick to attend the concert.
(C) Katy Perry's concert was really fun, except for when the twins's sodas spilled all over my new white tennis shoes.
(D) He tried to tell me that only girls appreciate One Direction's hairdos, but I simply refuse to believe my brother's ridiculous claims.

What step would you take first to improve this list?


My grandma has certain rules when it comes to cooking in her kitchen:


  1. You never, ever question the genius of the chef: it's their recipe, after all
  2. You always let the chef have the first bite: it's only fair
  3. The chef never does dishes: they've worked too hard already
(A) Replace the first colon with a period
(B) Change the colons in the list to semicolons
(C) Place a period at the end of the list items
(D) No fixing needed

Choose the BEST explanation for the quotation marks in the passage below.


Whenever I came home with a broken heart, my dad would tell me that there were still plenty of other fish in the sea. All I had to do was find the right one. Then I would know what "love" truly felt like. Well, here I am forty years later, still fishing. Maybe I need better bait…


(A) The author is directly quoting his or her father.
(B) The author wants to call the reader's attention to the word "love."
(C) The author is paraphrasing an old adage.
(D) The author does not buy into the idea of "love."

How would you correct the following passage?


The week before homecoming, Hannah and I were in study hall, which is held in the school library under the watchful eye of our evil librarian. You are technically not allowed to talk, but how many people actually follow that rule? We certainly do not. Hannah leaned over and whispered quietly in my ear, "My boyfriend just texted me and said one of his friends wants to ask you to the dance"! We got kicked out of study hall with detentions in hand soon after that.


(A) Delete the comma after "hall"
(B) Change the question mark to a period after "rule"
(C) Shift the exclamation point inside the quotation mark after "dance"
(D) I wouldn't change a thing

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