Punctuation Introduction

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Like grammar nerds like to say, punctuation is a matter of life and death. There's a huge difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma."

Ba-dum ching!

Yes, grammarians can also be cornballs. But grammar truly is a matter of life and death… of your dignity as a writer. And as a human being.

You could write that, "Rachel Ray finds inspiration in cooking her family and her dog." Oof.

You could post a sign in the disabled/family restroom at your establishment that reads "Attention: toilet only for disabled elderly pregnant children." Oof. Oof. And also—what?!

And it ain't just commas that spell the difference between cannibalism and family dining or embarrassment and writing proficiency.

Without periods, you could end up writing "I have two hours to kill someone come hang out." (Terrifying.)

Overindulgence in quotation marks could have you saying that your restaurant serves the best "chicken" in town, leading hungry would-be patrons to think "Uh, what is that chicken really made out of?"

Basically, all punctuation is there for a reason. It shows degrees of separation and emphasis. In fact, when you think about it, punctuation symbols are a lot like road signs. No, they're not huge and green. They tell your reader when to look alive and anticipate, when to slow down, and when to come to a complete stop.

Simply put, punctuation symbols are a powerful tool. Use them to get your audience to read your writing exactly how you want it to be read. Feel the power!

Disclaimer

Punctuation is, uh, kind of made up.

See, it was originally used to help people know when to pause in a sentence. Comma was a short pause, semi-colon was a longer pause, and period was a full stop. So who are we to tell you that YOU CANNOT USE A COMMA THERE?

Plus, with the thousand ways we now have to communicate, punctuation is always changing. Remember when a period didn't mean you were angry? Those were the days.

Bottom line: take everything everyone says about punctuation with a grain of salt. Yes, you need to pass your grammar exam, but you don't need to deal with grammar tyrants.

Quiz Yourself on Punctuation

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Which sentence has correct punctuation?

(A) "Are you seriously going to eat dessert after chowing down that entire bacon cheeseburger?" my cousin asked.
(B) He yelled, "Geronimo!", and preformed the most amazing cannonball I have ever seen.
(C) The teacher stated, "Christopher Columbus, known for "discovering" the New World, was a Spanish explorer that changed the course of history, for better or worse."
(D) She shared her favorite quote, "It's all make believe, isn't it"?

Which of the following sentences is grammatically incorrect?

(A) We could buy mom the red F-150 she has always wanted; or a baby blue convertible because I don't think muscle cars are truly her style.
(B) Neither Kat nor Kit felt any bit upset; they had never liked the stinky rat their dad bought them anyway.
(C) I searched the dance floor multiple times, but I fear that my great-grandmother's ruby ring is lost forever at Discos-R-Us.
(D) The little boy wondered if eating too many oranges would turn his skin orange; he really liked eating oranges.

Which sentence in the following passage should end with a question mark, not a period? 


Jerome's first day of high school was not the best of days. (1) First of all, his mom dropped him off late. Next, he walked into a class of all seniors. (2) Not the nicest group of people, they asked him if he was a lost puppy dog. (3) Wasn't that obnoxious. He eventually made it to the right classroom, but he was so flustered that he could only stammer out his name. (4) These kinds of days happen to the best of us.


(A) (1)
(B) (2)
(C) (3)
(D) (4)

You could write this statement multiple ways. Which of the following is NOT one of those options? 


Everyone wondered who kept putting their vitamins underneath the couch cushions.


(A) The question at hand is, who keeps putting their vitamins underneath the couch cushions?
(B) The question at hand is, Who keeps putting their vitamins underneath the couch cushions?
(C) One question remained: who kept putting their vitamins underneath the couch cushions?
(D) The question on everyone's mind: who kept putting their vitamins underneath the couch cushions?

Which of the following is grammatically incorrect?

(A) Joanna wanted to travel to Australia, but her parents decided on a family vacation to Italy instead. (They really like gelato.)
(B) Even though it wasn't her first choice, Joanna had to admit that Italy was pretty great (mainly because of the gelato).
(C) Joanna's brother was a big fan of the chocolate croissants (Who isn't?), and it seemed like every café in the country offered them for breakfast.
(D) When they returned home (with a lot of extra "baggage"), Joanna's family signed up for a family workout package at their local gym.

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