Punctuation Introduction

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Like grammar nerds like to say, punctuation is a matter of life and death. There's a huge difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma."

Ba-dum ching!

Yes, grammarians can also be cornballs. But grammar truly is a matter of life and death… of your dignity as a writer. And as a human being.

You could write that, "Rachel Ray finds inspiration in cooking her family and her dog." Oof.

You could post a sign in the disabled/family restroom at your establishment that reads "Attention: toilet only for disabled elderly pregnant children." Oof. Oof. And also—what?!

And it ain't just commas that spell the difference between cannibalism and family dining or embarrassment and writing proficiency.

Without periods, you could end up writing "I have two hours to kill someone come hang out." (Terrifying.)

Overindulgence in quotation marks could have you saying that your restaurant serves the best "chicken" in town, leading hungry would-be patrons to think "Uh, what is that chicken really made out of?"

Basically, all punctuation is there for a reason. It shows degrees of separation and emphasis. In fact, when you think about it, punctuation symbols are a lot like road signs. No, they're not huge and green. They tell your reader when to look alive and anticipate, when to slow down, and when to come to a complete stop.

Simply put, punctuation symbols are a powerful tool. Use them to get your audience to read your writing exactly how you want it to be read. Feel the power!

Disclaimer

Punctuation is, uh, kind of made up.

See, it was originally used to help people know when to pause in a sentence. Comma was a short pause, semi-colon was a longer pause, and period was a full stop. So who are we to tell you that YOU CANNOT USE A COMMA THERE?

Plus, with the thousand ways we now have to communicate, punctuation is always changing. Remember when a period didn't mean you were angry? Those were the days.

Bottom line: take everything everyone says about punctuation with a grain of salt. Yes, you need to pass your grammar exam, but you don't need to deal with grammar tyrants.

Quiz Yourself on Punctuation

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Can you pick out the sentence with incorrect punctuation?

(A) I have always been inspired by Dr. Seuss' Oh, the Places You'll Go! to travel the world in a hot air balloon.
(B) The fact that my friend really wanted me to read an article titled "The Power of NO!" really concerned me.
(C) Back when my dad started working for Yahoo!, he made us all switch over our email accounts for moral support.
(D) My mom has turned into a master chef thanks to her new book titled Let's Get Cookin'!.

Choose the BEST explanation for the quotation marks in the passage below.


Whenever I came home with a broken heart, my dad would tell me that there were still plenty of other fish in the sea. All I had to do was find the right one. Then I would know what "love" truly felt like. Well, here I am forty years later, still fishing. Maybe I need better bait…


(A) The author is directly quoting his or her father.
(B) The author wants to call the reader's attention to the word "love."
(C) The author is paraphrasing an old adage.
(D) The author does not buy into the idea of "love."

You are submitting your resume to Build-A-Bear Workshop for the holiday season. Which option does not belong in your oh-so-professional "Why You Should Hire Me" section?

(A) I have never met a kid I did not like!
(B) I tend to identify with young children, so I can entertain them!
(C) If you knew what a hard worker I am, you would not think twice about hiring me!
(D) I would truly love the opportunity to work for your company!

Which of the following sentences contains an error?

(A) Last spring, Haley graduated with a B.A. in molecular biology.
(B) Mr. and Mrs. Chapman throw a lavish, shrubbery-themed party every year for Arbor Day.
(C) For years, N.B.C. dominated the Thursday night television landscape with its hilarious sitcoms like Friends and Seinfeld.
(D) I parked my ice cream truck in front of the offices of Dr. Reba McGillicuddy, M.D.

Identify the option that does not retain the author's original intent in the passage.


For this short writing assignment, I would like to share a story about how my friend Vanessa saved me from total humiliation, not to mention a pulled muscle. Last Friday, we were dancing at my older sister's party. I have a huge crush on one of her friends, so I was trying to impress him with my dance moves. At one point, I accidentally lunged too far and would have ended up in the splits if not for Vanessa, who caught my arm and pulled me to safety. I did not win the affection of my crush, so maybe my moves are not actually all that great. However, I did realize that I have an incredible friend who will always have my back.


(A) "…my friend Vanessa saved me from total humiliation… I did not win the affection of my crush… However, I did realize that I have an incredible friend who will always have my back."
(B) "…I would like to share a story about how… I did not win the affection of my crush, so maybe my moves are not all that great."
(C) "At one point, I accidentally lunged too far and would have ended up in the splits if not for Vanessa… maybe my moves are not actually all that great."
(D) "For this short writing assignment, I would like to share a story about how my friend Vanessa… will always have my back."

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