Punctuation Introduction

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Like grammar nerds like to say, punctuation is a matter of life and death. There's a huge difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma."

Ba-dum ching!

Yes, grammarians can also be cornballs. But grammar truly is a matter of life and death… of your dignity as a writer. And as a human being.

You could write that, "Rachel Ray finds inspiration in cooking her family and her dog." Oof.

You could post a sign in the disabled/family restroom at your establishment that reads "Attention: toilet only for disabled elderly pregnant children." Oof. Oof. And also—what?!

And it ain't just commas that spell the difference between cannibalism and family dining or embarrassment and writing proficiency.

Without periods, you could end up writing "I have two hours to kill someone come hang out." (Terrifying.)

Overindulgence in quotation marks could have you saying that your restaurant serves the best "chicken" in town, leading hungry would-be patrons to think "Uh, what is that chicken really made out of?"

Basically, all punctuation is there for a reason. It shows degrees of separation and emphasis. In fact, when you think about it, punctuation symbols are a lot like road signs. No, they're not huge and green. They tell your reader when to look alive and anticipate, when to slow down, and when to come to a complete stop.

Simply put, punctuation symbols are a powerful tool. Use them to get your audience to read your writing exactly how you want it to be read. Feel the power!

Disclaimer

Punctuation is, uh, kind of made up.

See, it was originally used to help people know when to pause in a sentence. Comma was a short pause, semi-colon was a longer pause, and period was a full stop. So who are we to tell you that YOU CANNOT USE A COMMA THERE?

Plus, with the thousand ways we now have to communicate, punctuation is always changing. Remember when a period didn't mean you were angry? Those were the days.

Bottom line: take everything everyone says about punctuation with a grain of salt. Yes, you need to pass your grammar exam, but you don't need to deal with grammar tyrants.

Quiz Yourself on Punctuation

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Which sentence in the following passage should end with a question mark, not a period? 


Jerome's first day of high school was not the best of days. (1) First of all, his mom dropped him off late. Next, he walked into a class of all seniors. (2) Not the nicest group of people, they asked him if he was a lost puppy dog. (3) Wasn't that obnoxious. He eventually made it to the right classroom, but he was so flustered that he could only stammer out his name. (4) These kinds of days happen to the best of us.


(A) (1)
(B) (2)
(C) (3)
(D) (4)

You could write this statement multiple ways. Which of the following is NOT one of those options? 


Everyone wondered who kept putting their vitamins underneath the couch cushions.


(A) The question at hand is, who keeps putting their vitamins underneath the couch cushions?
(B) The question at hand is, Who keeps putting their vitamins underneath the couch cushions?
(C) One question remained: who kept putting their vitamins underneath the couch cushions?
(D) The question on everyone's mind: who kept putting their vitamins underneath the couch cushions?

Can you pick out the sentence with incorrect punctuation?

(A) I have always been inspired by Dr. Seuss' Oh, the Places You'll Go! to travel the world in a hot air balloon.
(B) The fact that my friend really wanted me to read an article titled "The Power of NO!" really concerned me.
(C) Back when my dad started working for Yahoo!, he made us all switch over our email accounts for moral support.
(D) My mom has turned into a master chef thanks to her new book titled Let's Get Cookin'!.

Which of the following has incorrect punctuation?

(A) You wouldn't dare use my last pink glitter pen, would you? You know that's my favorite kind!
(B) Dave's in Las Vegas? That's interesting. His boss thinks he has the measles.
(C) I wonder why Joan didn't want to come over for Thanksgiving? Tofurky is delicious!
(D) How did the chicken get upstairs? Weren't you supposed to close his coop last night?

After your teacher tells you to stop writing, she asks everyone to pair up and switch papers with a partner. Your partner likes your paper overall but thinks that one sentence is out of place. Which one is she talking about?

(A) Sunspots may be cooler than their surrounding areas, but their temperatures are still quite high—around 4500 Kelvin!
(B) A "big" sunspot measures 300 to 500 millionths of the Sun's visible hemisphere—that's over two times the entire surface area of Earth.
(C) Sunspots are regions that are cooler than surrounding areas on the Sun's photosphere—by around 1500 Kelvin.
(D) Sunspots are visible to the naked eye—just make sure you don't stare directly into the Sun!

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