Punctuation Introduction

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Like grammar nerds like to say, punctuation is a matter of life and death. There's a huge difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma."

Ba-dum ching!

Yes, grammarians can also be cornballs. But grammar truly is a matter of life and death… of your dignity as a writer. And as a human being.

You could write that, "Rachel Ray finds inspiration in cooking her family and her dog." Oof.

You could post a sign in the disabled/family restroom at your establishment that reads "Attention: toilet only for disabled elderly pregnant children." Oof. Oof. And also—what?!

And it ain't just commas that spell the difference between cannibalism and family dining or embarrassment and writing proficiency.

Without periods, you could end up writing "I have two hours to kill someone come hang out." (Terrifying.)

Overindulgence in quotation marks could have you saying that your restaurant serves the best "chicken" in town, leading hungry would-be patrons to think "Uh, what is that chicken really made out of?"

Basically, all punctuation is there for a reason. It shows degrees of separation and emphasis. In fact, when you think about it, punctuation symbols are a lot like road signs. No, they're not huge and green. They tell your reader when to look alive and anticipate, when to slow down, and when to come to a complete stop.

Simply put, punctuation symbols are a powerful tool. Use them to get your audience to read your writing exactly how you want it to be read. Feel the power!

Disclaimer

Punctuation is, uh, kind of made up.

See, it was originally used to help people know when to pause in a sentence. Comma was a short pause, semi-colon was a longer pause, and period was a full stop. So who are we to tell you that YOU CANNOT USE A COMMA THERE?

Plus, with the thousand ways we now have to communicate, punctuation is always changing. Remember when a period didn't mean you were angry? Those were the days.

Bottom line: take everything everyone says about punctuation with a grain of salt. Yes, you need to pass your grammar exam, but you don't need to deal with grammar tyrants.

Quiz Yourself on Punctuation

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Which of the following options uses quotation marks correctly? 

I. A huge Chicago Bears fan, Grandpa Leroy once told me, "The wise Vince Lombardi once said, 'Football is like life,' but I would argue that football is life. Literally nothing else matters." 

II. I once had a chat with the Geico gecko, who charmingly told me, "You deserve a better car insurance rate." How could he not tell that I am only ten years old? 

III. Kara whispered, "She said that he said, 'Yeah, I like her,' with a shrug, but my other sources say he said it with a huge smile on his face. What is a girl to believe?"

(A) I
(B) I and II
(C) II and III
(D) All of them

Which of the following is grammatically incorrect?

(A) Joanna wanted to travel to Australia, but her parents decided on a family vacation to Italy instead. (They really like gelato.)
(B) Even though it wasn't her first choice, Joanna had to admit that Italy was pretty great (mainly because of the gelato).
(C) Joanna's brother was a big fan of the chocolate croissants (Who isn't?), and it seemed like every café in the country offered them for breakfast.
(D) When they returned home (with a lot of extra "baggage"), Joanna's family signed up for a family workout package at their local gym.

Which option needs a comma? 


The desperate college student needed to find the perfect book for her essay on the meaning of the color red in the novel Jane Eyre. If she wanted to do well she needed a legitimate source to support her argument. She searched and searched, but despite her numerous frantic visits to the librarian's desk, she had nothing to show for her quest. Hopefully her teacher would be willing to accept her claim that she was her own expert source.


(A) well she
(A) but despite
(C) numerous frantic
(D) To be honest, I think they all could use a comma.

Identify the grammatical error in the following passage.


The researcher hypothesized that giving women chocolate would make them happier, indeed, that was the main outcome of his study. What was the other outcome of his study? His love life improved dramatically.


(A) There is a fragment.
(B) There is a run-on sentence.
(C) There is a rhetorical question.
(D) There is no grammatical error.

How would you correct the following passage?


The week before homecoming, Hannah and I were in study hall, which is held in the school library under the watchful eye of our evil librarian. You are technically not allowed to talk, but how many people actually follow that rule? We certainly do not. Hannah leaned over and whispered quietly in my ear, "My boyfriend just texted me and said one of his friends wants to ask you to the dance"! We got kicked out of study hall with detentions in hand soon after that.


(A) Delete the comma after "hall"
(B) Change the question mark to a period after "rule"
(C) Shift the exclamation point inside the quotation mark after "dance"
(D) I wouldn't change a thing

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